Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Struggling to keep my mouth shut

I have someone that has been bouncing some frustrations off of me. Not AT me, just off me. They need someone to vent to, run some thoughts by, etc. The depth of this friendship is a newer venture. I'm trying really hard to just listen and not help with solutions. I think I just caused some frustration and anger by offering some fresh facts and a different insight to the situation. I really didn't mean to; I'm just tired of seeing someone constantly get beat down by people who have NO consideration for how they are treating others.

Lots of prayers - mostly for me to shut the heck up!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Changes

Do you ever feel like things are status quo for a long time but just when you've resigned yourself to the monotony, circumstances change and you can sense that something different is on the horizon? You're not sure what it is and you're not even sure that it's a GOOD thing. Still, the unknown beats the known and the electricity is worth the potential shock hazard.

I feel something like that right now. I have taken in two house guests that need a place to land. It's created quite a different life for me; instead of the solitude and quiet to which I have grown so comfortable, I have someone within the range of my voice 24-7. It's also created community dinner time and someone to watch movies with, someone to talk to and someone to help around the house. (BIG bonus!)

I know this is only a temporary situation. Right now, it's too new to be annoying. Perhaps it will never become a nuisance. All I do know is that it's different and I can sense that it's going to change something in me or for me in a big way.

Sunday, January 03, 2010

Back to work

Sadly, the party is over. It is time to face reality and go back to work tomorrow. I've rather enjoyed the last 2 weeks of doing what I need/want to do WHEN I need/want to do it. I could really get used to it. Unfortunately, right now I need to income. Perhaps when I have no debt and am independently wealthy, I can live my life on my terms. Don't think I'm not working on it!

Saturday, January 02, 2010

post-holiday analysis

It's so hard to get into the holiday spirit because so many people don't have the Holy Day Spirit. My family has a large tradition of gift giving and as the family gets larger, so does the cost. As an effort to cut down on consumerism and also financial budget strains, I made homemade star fruit jelly from my own tree and shortbread cookies of my own design to send to friends and family. The whole time, in the back of my head I kept imagining their disdain of "She's so cheap. She doesn't care about us." The feedback I got was quite positive, however and I feel that perhaps we have final broken through the chains of consumerism and moved towards the true meaning of giving. We still have a long way to go until they all understand CHRISTmas at the core.

Add to that everyone's given plans to spend time with the family or that special someone for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It's like 4 solid weeks of reminding me of what I DON'T have rather than celebrating the 46 weeks of things I DO have. I felt the need a few years ago to sever holiday visits and vacations with my entire family at once because it always seems to become a toxic environment for me. Alone, I have a great relationship with each branch of the family tree. Together, it's like a raging forest fire. It's always hard as those big days draw closer because people ask "What are you doing for that day.?" Depending on my state of mind at that moment, I may be perfectly honest and say, "I don't really have anything set yet" or I may lie through my teeth and say, "I'm going to go here and then there and then over yonder to visit with all of my various friends in town." Which isn't always a lie; I often fully intend to be the Holiday social butterfly, but by the time I wake up that morning, I realize that I have no idea of my various' friends' actual plans and decide it's not worth possibly crashing a party that may not even be happening. And to me, there is nothing more pathetic sounding than asking someone, "Can I come to your house and hang out on the day that everyone else already HAS a place to go?" Even worse is getting asked to come over because you have nowhere else to go. That's a pity invite. If someone really wanted you at your holiday table, they would ask you BEFORE you tell them you have no options on the table. Granted, I KNOW that I am welcome there, but it's nice to be wanted there. And yes, there is a distinct difference. I am blessed because I have a friend in town with a HUGE family and I have spent the last few Thanksgivings and Christmas Eve's there. They welcome me like one of their own and the atmosphere is wonderful. Still, I always wait for the invitation, never assuming that I'm on the guest list. It can be a bit unnerving at times.

And then enter New Year's Eve. Of ALL the celebrations of the year that fail to live up to the hype! It's looking back at the unfullfilled expectations of the last 365 days. It's a reminder of all the things you were going to change 12 full moons ago but didn't. It's the realization that for most of us, our lives don't look any different today than they did yesterday, last week, last month or last year. But still, we enter the new calendar with eager anticipation that THIS time, we mean it. This time, we're going to follow through and really do it. And then we usually realize things aren't as bad as they seem and we just deal it.

Lost in Translation

I managed to read through the entire bible in 2009 using a plan at OnePlace.com. I just started another plan and thought I'd try something a little different. Last year I did the "Classic" plan with a reading from the Old Testament, one starting at the Psalms and one from the New Testament using the NIV translation.

Just for variety, I thought I'd try the Old/New Testament (1 reading from each) using "The Message." The language is much easier to read, but I sometimes worry about translations becoming interpretations. I trust OnePlace to not put any link to a Bible that has changed scripture to the point of being unrecognizable or untrue. I've read Bible scholar reviews of many translations/versions of the Bible that have been published, including a few that perhaps shouldn't have been.

My take on The Message is that it's a good thought-for-thought (not word-for-word) paraphrase that is good for reading but not for study. I think I can live with that, since I have my NIV version for church and study. I also have my KJV from high school confirmation and my Children's Bible from elementary school. The fact that my Children's Bible is more dog-eared and used than my KJV speaks volumes. Maybe I'll read through THAT one again, just to get an adult perspective on it.

What version/study plan are YOU using these days?

Friday, January 01, 2010

It's inevitable

January 1. It's the time for making all those promises to ourselves. Promises to make us be better than we are at the moment. That's not a bad thing but if not handled properly, it can set you up to feel worse than before.

By glancing back through the Bing Blog posts, 2009 was really not a bad year. There was nothing outstanding life-changing for me, but nothing really dramatically devastating either. That's a big plus.

Still, there are things on my "Bucket List" that will stay there unless I do something to change it. The keys are to make SMART goals - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time Bound - and to not make a bajillion different goals scattered in 500 directions.

Today is a rainy New Year's Day, so it's been a great one for reflection, resolution and resolve. Not a bad start to a new year.