Your OTHER left

This is the time of year when I get to teach my darling beginning band students how to put their instruments together, take care of them properly, and ultimate, play with a tone quality that won’t make the dog hide under the bed for the next 6 months. Today’s woodwind class went something like this:
“OK, saxes and flutes, you’ll need to read through page 2 and 3 SILENTLY while I work with the clarinets on putting their instruments together. You DO know the meaning of the word “SILENT,” right? Then why are you talking, sir? Oh, you AREN’T talking. Excuse me. I just saw your lips moving and sounds were coming out. I mistakenly took your demon possession for talking. So sorry!”
NOW – clarinets, you’ve done really well putting your reeds on the mouthpiece and even adding the barrel, and we’ve gotten some pretty good tones on just that much. Unfortunately, your parents paid good money for the instrument and I think they’ll be disappointed if we don’t use ALL of it, so against my better judgment and ignoring the effect this will have on my sanity, here we go.
OK – do you see the piece in your case that has corks on BOTH ends? That’s the upper joint. (No, Sam. We’re NOT going to grease the corks again. I know you have REALLY enjoyed doing that, and I know you’re really good at it, but let’s move forward, shall we?) OK, I want you to pick up the upper joint in your left hand. No, your LEFT hand. No, your OTHER left hand. No….not THAT piece. The other one. Right. NO, your LEFT hand……Is everybody with me? Flutes, could you stop with the head joint work right now? I’m working with the clarinets. Thanks."

Well, I think you kind of get the picture. I won’t even mention the brass/percussion class. It involves sticks. That’s just too much for right now. Tomorrow is Parent’s Night. I’m supposed to talk to each class of parents for 10 minutes. I think I’m just going to videotape class and play it for them. That’ll pretty much sum it all up for them.