Monster Building

We had a late night in the dorms, sitting in the D lounge watching the Live Earth concerts and just chilling. Someone did a 7-11 run around 1 AM and brought me back a cola slushie and some beef jerky. YUMMY! I finally fell in bed around 2:30 AM, so when my alarm went off at 7, I was an unhappy person.

When I got to the building that I needed to unlock for class, the building tried to eat me. I went in the back door, got stuck in the stairwell where my keys didn't work and finally found my way out to daylight again. When I went to the other side of the building, all of the student were there waiting to get in. I finally managed to figure it all out, but I'm still not sure if they bought my story, but I'm sticking with it. I also had a witness.

Today's agenda: Meet The Librarian for breakfast at Morning Glory, then find a couch and take a nap!

Holy Cow! A Lying Dog

A guy is driving around the back woods of Tennessee and he sees a sign in front of a broken down shanty-style house: "Talking Dog for Sale."

He rings the bell and the owner appears and tells him the dog is in the backyard. The guy goes into the backyard and sees a nice looking Labrador retriever sitting there.

"You talk?" he asks.

"Yep," the lab replies.

After the guy recovers from the shock of hearing a dog talk, he says "So, what's your story?"

The Lab looks up and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young. I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA and they had me sworn into the toughest branch of the armed services ..the United States Marines ...you know one of their nicknames is "The Devil Dogs". In no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders; because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running, but the jetting around really tired me out and I knew I wasn't getting any younger. So, I decided to settle down. I retired from the Corps (8 dog years is 56 Corps years) and signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security, wandering near suspicious characters and listening in."

"I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."

The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.

"Ten dollars," the guy says.

"Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"

"Because he's a liar. He never did any of that stuff. He was in the Coast Guard!"

Do Dogs Swing?

I was sitting at dinner when the previous entry text messages came through. I read them aloud to the people at the table, who are taking the jazz band class. The following conversation ensued:

Student A: "Isn't Homie local? Couldn't she come and visit you?"
Me: "Yes, but she's with her dog?"
Student B: "Can't she bring her dog with her? I miss my dog."
Student C: "Can the dog swing?"
Student A: "Only if you hold it by the tail."

Much giggling ensued.

I'm BORED and lonely!

My text message to the Band Camp staff at 4:46 PM today:
HEY! Where is everybody? Come back. I'm BOOOOORED!

The responses:
Stray Dog: Sorry. Currently boating on the Mississippi with family. Wish you were here with us.
Fleur: I'll bet it's like a ghost town there! Are you still on cloud nine? Are you dreaming of blue eyes and pink ties?
The Mayor: See how valuable I am!
Mr. DJ: Hola! I'm back in Colorado. How is Project Punch Part II coming along?
Hometown Honey aka "Homie": I'm with my dog.

Ratatat called. He can't get texts. We talked business.

No response from Techno-Chick, Ozzie and Harriett or Electric Clown.

I'm still bored!

New Blog coming

Coming soon to a computer near year...the ABC Staff blog, where we can ALL keep each other updated and entertained. I just need a good name for it.....any ideas?

This just in....new job possibility

MELBOURNE, Australia — A major condom brand said Friday it expected thousands of applicants for a new unpaid job on offer — condom tester.

Durex said 200 adult Australians — men and women — are wanted to test a range of its condoms.

While the successful applicants will not be paid, each will receive a pack of Durex sex products, a chance to win 1,000 Australian dollars ($857 U.S.), plus professional prestige, the company said in a statement.

"Who wouldn't want to have a chance with an actual authorized professional?" Durex marketing manager Sam White asked.

"Durex is expecting thousands of applicants," the statement said.

Hopefuls must explain in their applications why they would make "expert" condom testers.

How they test the condoms is not specified, but testers must provide honest feedback about how they find the products.

No deadline is set for evaluating a range of four condoms and other sex products.

Riding in cars with boys....

In reference to Fleur's comment under "Toys and Tots:"

Fleur said...
HELLO!!! I frantically woke up this morning, so glad that you put your bing blog on my favorites so that I could find it and see what was UP LAST NIGHT???????????????

My response: NOTHING was up last night except I found out there is A LOT of luggage in that trip, and no truck to haul it. What with my bad travel mojo, I'll wait for the next train.

He had a nice chassis, though!

See you soon!

I got to take Stray Dog to the airport so he could get back to MN. He's moving here in a month to start helping Big Dog boss and Little Dog son take over the band dog pound. Big step for him and for the family, but an exciting one. I'm excited because now we'll be able to get to know the Mrs. He's awesome and he loves her very much, so she's got to be awesome, too! Can't wait 'til next year!

Sing along with Bing!

The BEST karoake song EVER is...

You Don't Have to Call Me Darlin' (David Allan Coe) 13% 1 vote
Bohemian Rhapsody (Queen) 50% 4 votes
Smooth (Santana) 0% 0 votes (Sorry, Dozer!)
Brick House (Commodores) 25% 2 votes
Wing Beneath My Wings (Bette Midler) 13% 1 vote

FYI - The Bing Blog New Year's Eve Karaoke Pool Party is in Miami. Reserve your tickets now!

I'm RICH! (well, soon I will be)

I am SO excited....Look at the e-mail I just got. I didn't even know I HAD a cousin Abbas, and now he's left me Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars. Do you think my cousin Guido will be mad that Abbas is now my new favorite relative?

$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$

Good Day,
Let me start by introducing myself. I am Mr. Patrick K.W. Chan (Executive Director and Chief Financial Officer) of the Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have an obscured business suggestion for you.
Before the U.S and Iraqi war our client Gen. Abbas Radhi Ismail who was with the Iraqi forces and also businessman made a numbered fixed deposit for 18 calendar months, with a value of (Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only) in my branch. Upon maturity several notices was sent to him, even during the war which began in 2003. Again after the war another notification was sent and still no response came from him. We later find out that the General along with his wife and only daughter had been killed during the war in a bomb blast that hit their home.
After further investigation it was also discovered that Gen. Abbas Radhi Ismail did not declare any next of kin in his official papers including the paper work of his bank deposit. And he also confided in me the last time he was at my office that no one except me knew of his deposit in my bank. So, Twenty Four million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars is still lying in my bank and no one will ever come forward to claim it. What bothers me most is that according to the laws of my country at the expiration of 5 years the funds will revert to the ownership of the Hong Kong Government if nobody applies to claim the funds.
Against this backdrop, my suggestion to you is that I will like you as a foreigner to stand as the next of kin to Gen. Abbas Radhi Ismail so that you will be able to receive his funds.
MODALITIES:
I want you to know that I have had everything planned out so that we shall come out successful. I have an attorney that will prepare the necessary document that will back you up as the next of kin to Gen. Abbas Radhi Ismail, all that is required from you at this stage is for you to provide me with your Full Names and Address so that the attorney can commence his job. After you have been made the next of kin, the attorney will also fill in for claims on your behalf and secure the necessary approval and letter of probate in your favor for the move of the funds to an account that will be provided by you.
There is no risk involved at all in this matter, as we are going adopt a legalized method and the attorney will prepare all the necessary documents. Please endeavor to observe utmost discretion in all matters concerning this issue.
Once the funds have been transferred to a nominated bank account we shall then share in the ratio of 70% for me, 30% for you. Should you be interested please send me the following:
1. Full names
2. Private phone/fax
3. Current residential address
and I will prefer you reach me on my private email address below and finally after that I shall provide you with more details of this operation.
Your earliest response to this letter will be appreciated.
Kind Regards
Mr. Patrick Chan.
Email:patrickchan9300@yahoo.com.hk

Toys and Tots

Here was a conversation between FL BN Goddess' 4 year old daughter and myself. I had given her my birthday tiara and boa to wear for the parade.

Me: You know, your mommy GAVE me that tiara for my birthday.
Her: When you were little?
Me: No, last week.

You KNOW you rule when a 4 year old wants to play with your stuff!

Kill, marry or drive

The standard question that gets asked after two weeks as BDSAP (Band Director Sleep-Away Camp) is "How do you get to be on staff?" The standard reply has always been, "Kill one of us." At certain times during the two weeks, we can even provide you with a name or two for the hit list. (But we always make up with each other!) But somehow, because Techno-Chick and I are the only two on staff enjoying (mostly) the single life, that comment has changed to "Kill or marry one of us." There even seemed to be some fine gentlemen who thought that proposal over. (Or they might have been studying woodwind pitch tendency; all I know is that there was a confused, glassy look in their eye.) But now, The Electric Clown (who missed the parade today because he didn't have all of the lights ready for the concert) has decided that another method would be to buy a truck. That way, he wouldn't have to drive his and haul equipment all the time. Suddenly, those same gentlemen are looking over their lease agreements and financing options.

Thanks for clearing the board! Maybe I'll have some nice young stud run him over with his Dodge Ram. It'll be a trifecta!

hot dorms and truffles

This year's graduating group (led by the Florida bassoon goddeess) decided it would be a nice gesture to buy the grad staff some treats to say thank you. The Harry and David's dark chocolate truffles were QUITE a nice choice. The only problem is that the dorms are REALLY hot today. I just got back from the post-concert party, and thought I would have a little treat. Melted chocolate poured out all over. Not wanting to waste a drop, I tried licking it off of my arm. The real problem was, I couldn't reach the drips on my leg, and besides, I would rather have someone ELSE lick melted chocolate off of my thigh. Nobody in particular at the moment, but still, a nice thought.

Nekked nap

Today is the 4th of July, and as always, I'm freakin' exhausted. Got very little sleep, then had to be up early (5:30 AM) to start setting up for tonight's concert, then 2+ hour rehearsal in the morning sun, then the parade, then lunch, then get the keg for the post-concert party. It's now 2:45 PM. I just took a shower and I'm settling in for a two hour "nekked nap" in my dorm room. PLEASE DO NOT DISTURB!

Where did it go?

Well, tomorrow's the 4th of July, and we all know what that means: Band Director Sleep-Away Camp is over for another year. It's been a fun one (mostly), we're all exhausted (somewhat) but ready to return to our "real" lives and "real" families (no comment.) Techno-chick (that's EL's new nickname; I hope she likes it!) has the following message posted on her dorm room door next to me: "Only 354 days until Session A, Day 1."

Hopefully, I'll make it that long!

His wife might get mad.

So Tedley says that my previous post wasn't even anonymous and his better half reads my blog and now he's going to get in trouble because I licked his straw. Perhaps a new nickname should be the topic of the next poll. I could use a few suggestions. AND a little sleep. We're getting awfully punchy around here!

PS - Dear Mrs. Tedley, Thanks for the birthday wishes! Wish you were here to have fun with us!

FOR WOMEN ONLY!

If you're a man, don't read this! If you do, don't say I didn't warn you!

My random thought for the day: Why should a woman have to suffer from cramps if she's not even USING those organs? It's really annoying, and SO not fair.

I warned you, gentlemen!

It's July 1!

My birthday gifts today include:
-a pink boa
-a tiara and clip-on earrings meant for a 3 year old
-3 of the 4 Pez in the new Ratatouille set
-1 Disney Princess Pez (Cinderella)
-a nerf dart blow gun
-a puzzle and gum thing that clips to your beltloop
-a box of marionberry tasty goodness
-a Winnie the Pooh and a Tigger, too
-lots of cards, kisses and well-wishes
(and a lead on a cute guy from La Fleur du Sur. We'll call her Fleur for short. She's the best! I have to say that, because she's sitting next to me right now and letting me blog on HER computer. Except I mean it. Really.)

We're going to see the Rat movie tonight and then do Omar's. Just like every year.

Educational Happy Meals

I went to Wendy's for lunch and wanted to order a Happy Meal (or their lame equivalent) because it's my birthday. Then I saw the "toy." It was a read-along book with cd. How LAME! You can't have an educational give-away in a kids meal! We want them to be fat AND stupid! SHEESH!

Swapping Spit

Today at breakfast, Tedley was trapped in the cafeteria booth and I refused to let him out to refill his water glasses. (Because I'm a snot and we tease each other endlessly!) So I told him I would fill them for him. When I got back to the table, he picked one up and JUST as he started to drink, I told him, "I spit in one of those glasses." He looked at me as though he just might believe me, and then I said, "I'm just kidding." Then as he took his first swallow, I hit him with, "I spit in BOTH of them."

Then at lunch, he left the lid to his soda cup on the table while he went for a refill. I was cleaning up the table when he got back and he yelled, "Don't touch my straw!" So I licked it and stuck it in his drink!

I love you, Tedley!