Facebook gives you amnesia

My mom doesn't speak to my older brother. (or my younger one, for that matter!) By default, the rest of the family (meaning the sisters) doesn't either. Of course, I spoke to my younger brother and his wife when they came to visit me for a week last month. I just didn't mention that to my mom or my sisters.

When my grandmother called me for my birthday 3 weeks ago, she informed me that my older brother is now a grandfather. That makes my mother a great-grandmother. She asked me if my mom knew. I told her I didn't think so and that I was NOT going to be the one to deliver that news.

Yesterday, I got a voicemail from my younger sister calling me "Great Aunt" and asking if I've spoken to Mom lately. I knew then that the bomb had been detonated.

Today I got a Facebook friend request from my older brother's wife. Once I accepted, I saw that she and I have a mutual friend - my mother.

Time may not heal all wounds, but Facebook may.

Strangers in the house, the prequel

As I was relating the story of Missions in the Cabana to my friend Songbird, she reminded me of a story from 2 1/2 years ago:

I was in Orlando at a friend's birthday party and met Songbird for the first time. She found out I lived in Miami and mentioned she was going to be in Miami in a few months for an audition for the Florida Grand Opera. I told her to call me if she needed a place to stay, as I lived only blocks from the Opera House.

Fast forward: She calls and says a) she wants to know if the offer is still standing and b) can she bring a friend who is also auditioning. Of course I say yes. They end up arriving at 2 AM. They were amazed that I waited up for them. I gave her my bedroom, as it has better air conditioning and I was worried about her voice. They both did their audition and left that afternoon.

We've been TERRIFIC friends ever since! That's how life works.

The Cabana mission

As, I said earlier, my pool cabana seems to be a place where people land when they need a little help.

Last week, I hosted a kid from Argentina who was here for a few days buying instruments for his church (or so he said...THAT story is another blog post entirely) and needed a place to stay. A good friend of mine asked me to host him and vouched for his character. It was an interesting adventure, but again, a different post entirely.

On Tuesday, a friend was flying through Miami on his way back to a mission trip in Haiti. He had a 3 hour layover at which time he called with a request, "My friend on this trip is a dentist and he forgot to grab extra dental mirrors. Can you get some?" Within an hour, I was handing them 2 mirrors donated by my own dental office. Felt good to help out.

LAST night on his way home, he called again: "A member of our team got food poisoning on the plane. They are taking her to the hospital in Miami. We're not sure what to do next." Again, within the hour, I was at the airport, picking up some stranger's luggage and heading to a hospital to introduce myself. She was pretty sick and the doctors said she wouldn't be released for 3-4 hours. I gave her my number and told her to call when they discharged her. She could spend the rest of the night at my house (the cabana is now "conveniently" unoccupied) and take her to the airport whenever she could continue her travels.

She called at 3 AM and said, "There was another missionary on that flight that ate the same thing I did. She's in the bed next to me in the emergency room. I know it sounds bizarre, but do you mind if she comes, too?"

And so, that's how I ended up with two missionaries from Haiti in the Cabana, which is my own little mission field. Today, I helped them get clean clothes and get back to the airport. Mission accomplished!

If generousity is for suckers, then I'm a mosquito!

I got back from my travels on Wednesday. My tenants moved out permanently on Thursday, although they still have to come back and move out furniture, clothing and other stuff. In the meantime, I got an e-mail from someone who lost his job, is almost out of money and wonders if he could land in the cabana until he finds stability.

Guess what I said?

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

Of course I said yes. I told him he can stay here rent free until the first of the year. I hope I made the right decision.

Summer travel and friends

Here's how my summer "fun" shaped up"

- My brother and sister-in-law came to visit for 6 days. It was the first "adult" vacation that he and I have had without the rest of the family. It was VERY fun and much needed. I'll be heading up to their place for Christmas, since they should have a one-month old little girl by then!

- I headed out to San Jose and spent a few days with a friend from band camp. It was a fast and furious vacation but I got to see San Jose, Monterrey and Carmel. We watched the sunset at Pebble Beach and enjoy just relaxing. I DO want to go back and do some exploring of the area.

- I drove up to Band Camp with fellow campers from the Oakland area. Road trips are much more fun with friends. I was hoping to see more parts of their world, but he had some business meetings to attend and so it wasn't possible. Maybe next time, I'll head back down to their neck of the woods after camp and see them.

- After camp was over, I spent one night in northern California with former camp buddies. They've built a BEAUTIFUL home with a great view just north of Mt. Shasta. The visit was brief and left me wanting more time with them. I hope they felt the same.

- I did get to go rafting with a friend; a calm few hours on the water with no huge rapids made for nice visiting time. The only bummer was that I had to replace the tire on the rental car after an unfortunate incident with a curb. BUMMER!

- I spent 2 days just chilling with great friends in Medford. (Stray Dog and his wonderful wife) They were getting prepared to fly out to visit family and brand new grandson (#9 - born on July 1: GREAT day!) so I tagged along for errands and shopping but they did take me into Jacksonville. I had NO idea how close it was to Medford/Ashland and will definitely explore more there in the future. I also got to meet their pastor and his wife. We had some wonderful conversation.

- The highlight of the Summer Sofa Bed tour was visiting Electric Clown and his fabulous wife out in Bend. We did some hiking/geo-caching, went on their sailboat and generally acted pretty silly. I hope to do it again sometime, if they'll have me back!

I think I may be home for the rest of the summer. I returned to find that my tenants/dog sitters were moving out the next day. I have a short weekend to Dallas planned for August (AdvoCare Success School) and my sister and her boyfriend are heading to Florida right after that. She's planning on coming here for one day to see the house (post re-model) and the dogs, but they are going to spend the majority of their vacation in Orlando at his parents' time-share.

The Virginia people are still hoping I'll make a trip up there this summer (I mentioned it) but I'd have to road-trip WITH the dogs and time it around their "family cruise" (which always seems to involve only one branch of the family....hmmmmm). If I take the Pastelitos, it would give me something to do when the drama gets too intense.

Or I could save the time, money and energy and just spend the rest of the summer in my pool.

Home from "camp"

It's been a solid month since I posted that last "heated" message. (I DID put in the profanity alert, so if you were shocked....you don't know me as well as you thought. Sorry!)

Adult Band Camp turned out to be one of the BEST summers ever. I DID get to follow through with some podium time. Being left off of the schedule was an oversight based on incorrect information from a conversation a year ago. What I SAID was not what was heard or remembered. Thus my frustration. In any case, I did get to be seen as a real band director on the podium, not just the "administrator type" who has to constantly remind people about attendance stickers, money and generally icky topics. It made me feel almost human again.

Then I actually got to play my horn in the band for the first time in MANY summers. The first week concert was INCREDIBLE: the conductors and guest artists were amazing and the musical selections were quite emotional. I also got to take the In-Between days off this year, which was convenient. I slept 14 hours off and on the day after the concert due to emotional and physical exhaustion!

I did stay and work the 3rd, short session as always. I actually enjoy staying on when everyone else goes home as I can get some of my own work done (programming for the school year, getting my thoughts together on how to use what I've learned) AND I get a better chance at getting to know some of the students. The class is MUCH smaller and thus more interactive. It's usually a highlight of my summer. This year was definitely a plus, as the clinician was fantastic. I left there inspired to come back to school.

Unfortunately, school doesn't start for another 3 weeks. My motivation is waning!

Who you are

I got this quote from Songbird today. It's pretty appropriate, especially for here. If you can't be open and honest in your own blog, then where can you be?

"Be who you say you are.. and say what you feel .. because those that matter, don't mind ... and those that mind, don't matter!"

Band Camp flunky?

It's time for Band Director Sleep-Away Camp again. We counselors arrived 2 days ago to start prep work. 1st year campers start arriving tomorrow and have their entrance exam on Saturday. First day of camp activities is on Sunday.

This year, all of the counselors have been asked to conduct a warm-up and/or sight-reading piece on the first day. Well, everyone except Techno-Chick and me.

(PROFANITY ALERT)

WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm getting some pretty clear signals from the cosmos that something in my life needs to change because lately things are really sucking ass.

Generosity is for suckers

I'm the one people come to when they need help. I've loaned/lost more money over the years than I am ready to admit. My house is a place where wayward souls land when they need some breathing room financially. I loan my car if it helps someone out in a pinch. My laptop is currently in the hands of someone who needs it for the summer. Not only am I tithing a full 10%, but I support one needy child and one foreign missionary family. Part of my morning prayer time is to ask the hand of God to provide for me when necessary and to guide my decisions to keep my finances under control.

I can't even begin to list all of the financial set-backs I've faced this week. It's all bullshit. I quit!

Whirr Whirr Whirr

That's the title of a composition by a friend. There's a personal story behind the title that I won't share (as it's HIS story) but the basic premise is that his mind was spinning a mile a minute....Whirr Whirr Whirr.

That's how I feel right now. Too many thoughts going through my mind, too many situations that need sorting out, too many frustrations to think straight, too many, too many, too many.....

I'm taking off for the weekend to try and clear my head.

Lonely "fruit" list

There's a joke out there about every woman's melon list...the Honey Do. As in, "Honey, can you do..." The problem with being a single woman homeowner is that I'M the fruit. The regular chore list would be doable with a normal job. But just like most good band directors, I put in extra hours.

A typical day involves leaving the house at 7:30 AM, returning at 6 PM to walk and feed the dogs and PERHAPS shove some food down my own throat and then tear off to whatever is planned for the evening (community band, school functions, dog school). I can try and catch up on weekends, but judging, more dog school, school trips and other functions all seem to take the first bite out of my time.

I need to call a plumber, a landscaper, a bathtub refinisher, the termite inspector, the paver guy, the handyman, an auto body shop andmy doctor.. Three things stand in the way: 1) finding time in the day to make the call. 2) finding time in the schedule to have an appointment. 3) finding money in the budget to pay for it all.

Pray for me....the next month or so are going to be a rough ride.

Weeping and Gnashing from the podium

Our community band had a concert last night. It's an 85 piece band with members ranging from college-aged to our Grand Dame Adah, our 95 year old horn player. We have some GREAT musicians and some who MAY have been great back in the day. Still, we play some great literature and have an active concert schedule. We have 3-4 guest conductors each year and at least one soloist. Colonel Gabriel even comes down every year. All in all, it is a respectable group.

We had a guest conductor for this concert whom I still can't decide if I liked or not. His musicianship was good, his stick technique was fine, he was an authority on the style and pieces that he conducted. His sarcasm was just a little TOO passive aggressive for me and some of his comments were just plain mean.

Granted, some of the things that he commented on NEEDED to be addressed, like talking during the rehearsal or not marking parts for repeated mistakes or special instructions. The group is notorious for not paying attention and they drive ME crazy at times. I just wonder if a guest conductor should address those issues in such a biting fashion. He even made a comment to ME about not being prepared and why did this group beg to have the music sent so early if we weren't going to practice it? (I was sight-reading the bell part on a ragtime lick at the time; not my strongest instrument but then again, they NEVER let me play horn!) I know that it instantly made me raise my eyebrows and my gut said "unsafe person - be careful."

I saw other members of the band trying to play up to him to make sure they were on his good side. I couldn't be bothered. I practiced the lick a bit to "show him" and then ultimately knew that any lashing I might get in the next rehearsal for even a single missed note was not worth any stress and aggravation. I passed the part on to someone else (who is ACTUALLY a percussionist) and said "Have fun!" I just made sure all my other parts were ready.

At the concert, I noticed that every time there was even the tiniest flaw, he would wince, frown, scowl, shake his head or otherwise react with negative body language. Conversely, I didn't see as much positive reinforcement for the things played well. Then I noticed that the mental focus of the group deteriorated a bit more with each "negative" feedback. There was even one point where the opening of a piece fell apart; he stopped and quickly said "Start again" and the re-opening still didn't come together. He then made light of it with the audience and tried a third time.

I was reminded of two Dr. Tim quotes in this whole experience:
1. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
He didn't take much interest in some of the personalities of the group. He even went overtime at Sunday's rehearsal even though knew there was a celebration planned for Adah's 95th birthday right after rehearsal. (She let him know he was out of time. Loudly.)
2. Fear will get a team to the finish line faster than encouragement. In fact, people will run OVER each other to beat the others to the end if they are afraid of the team leader. But once you finish the race, nobody wants to be on that team any more. Encouragement takes more time, but people will actually help each other get to the finish and then be excited to start the next race.
People may have worked harder with this conductor to avoid his wrath, but it's more fun when you work harder in order to please someone. All I know is that I really am indifferent as to whether this conductor comes back again in the future.

Quotes from my pastor

I've been avoiding finishing my taxes all evening, so I cleaned out a big "To Do" pile of papers instead. I found some sermon notes I've taken over the past few months - all with the intention to blog and discuss. I'll just list them here and maybe refer back at a later date.

While studying Acts 16: Lydia's conversion - The Spirit closed the door to Asia and sent Paul to Philippi to save ONE woman. God's love is SO great that He would spend MY whole life to reach you.

While discussing sexual immorality - Anything against God's original design is sin (missing the mark.) Aiming at the target but missing the mark is falling short. Not aiming at the target is rebellion.

Acts 20
-Fear of hurting someone's feelings can cause us to be unfaithful to them. There are worse things than having our feelings hurt. Speaking the truth (in love) can help avoid deeper hurt.
-Bravery is rushing into danger without considering the consequences. Courage is knowing the consequences and rushing in anyway.
-Jesus didn't come to make your life easy. He came to make YOU better.

On Biblical vs. Topical study: Going through the book protects you from me.

(My favorite) The power is in the FIRE, not in the vessel. God set fire to a bush, not a redwood tree.

New Beginnings or Rewriting the past?

Easter services today. I almost didn't make it. I've been in bed with flu-like symptoms since a) chaperoning 61 8th graders to San Francisco for Spring Break b) taking the red eye back Wednesday night c) having a deep tissue massage 5 hours after landing in which the therapist attacked my lymph nodes like a wild Pastelito attacks a headless squirrel toy. I figured if my Savior could die on the cross for me, I could haul my ass out of bed and praise the fact that He is RISEN!

Our sunrise service was in the North Beach amphitheater. Here's what made it special: the outdoor atmosphere, the sun rising over the ocean, the blending of many different congregations, the message being in Spanish (and not having to rely entirely on the translator!) the kids playing, the people bringing their pets (I left mine at home), the jogger coming in after her morning run to worship, the drunk and barefoot smoker who could barely focus but yelled "He's ALIVE!" anyway, her trip to the altar for prayer, my pastor's ever-elegant wife comforting her after....it's definitely not the church I grew up in, but it is ever much HIS church.

After the service, I chatted with the pastor of a partnering church who happens to be my former singles pastor from my big-church days. We talked about getting together; he and his wife bought a house just blocks from me. There were some times when I was wounded by people in that ministry, but perhaps this is a chance to work it out. We talked about Facebook and how while it is a great connection tool, it sometimes brings out the skeletons and cobwebs. I've been dealing with a few of mine as things pop up at times. Again, perhaps a chance to work it out.

While we were talking, a woman who attended that ministry came by. She's my age and has Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the autism spectrum. She was not diagnosed until much later in life and so often times she comes across as severely mentally challenged. One of my conflicts with the singles ministry was trying to educate some of the "leaders" on how to deal with her. Their response was they didn't; they just ignored her rather than engaging her. We caught up briefly - she's moved to a safer area of town and is working two at-home jobs, trying to make ends meet. She's attending a small group with a woman that I know: She was part of my first small group! Again, the past comes back.

On the way home, I called my mom to wish her a Happy Easter. She excitedly told me about the cruise that she, her girlfriend, my sister and her family were all going on in August. I wondered aloud if the thought had crossed their mind that I might like to go; it hadn't. The call ended with me being made to feel like a selfish spoiled brat for pointing that out. Again - skeletons and cobwebs.

My "new life" resolution is to keep moving forward. I can't really forget the past. I can't rewrite it, either. I just have to learn how to react better to the present.

You do not have because you do not ask!

Since God answered this prayer last week, I had to put in some new ones. I've mostly been praying for a friend to open his heart to Jesus. He's a hardened recovering Catholic who believes that all paths lead to God and being a good person gets you to heaven. I love him dearly and want to see him there. I've also been praying for Him to bless my AdvoCare business, as the extra income will help me get out of debt faster (to give more money to His work) and free up my time from all of the side jobs that I'm currently doing to accelerate my debt reduction. (I've reduced it 5% in the last 6 months.) I made sales to 3 new customers this week; one was a nanny who saw me taking an AdvoCare Slim after school one day a few weeks ago. I gave her a catalog and my card and all of a sudden, she called today with questions and then ordered online. I've also started making a smoothie with the meal replacement shakes and fresh fruit. As I walk around school with it, people ask for a taste and now a coworker wants to buy a box.

I look up every time and whisper "Thank You."

Administration and the Bible

Ecclesiastes 10:5-6,10
There is an evil I have seen under the sun, the sort of error that arises from a ruler:
Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones...
If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.

This was part of this morning's reading. As I read, the images of administrators and band directors I've known flashed before me. My morning prayer was to be sharp and stay calm at work, today and every day.

Prayers answered

James 4:2-3 "You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives...."

The commentary in my NIV Study Bible asks "Does God answer prayers if our motives aren't pure?" and goes on to say "There will always be some selfish elements in our prayers. In spite of this, God graciously hears us and answers us when we pray. But if our requests center on ourselves, rather than on God's purposes, God refuses to hear and answer. If he granted such requests, his integrity would be compromised and we would not benefit spiritually."

Remember this? Well, yes indeed it's true. I found out a few weeks ago that my brother and his wife have been trying very hard to get pregnant. Now, the REST of my family isn't really speaking to my brother. I've heard both sides and frankly don't care. Their problem isn't my problem. So in chatting with my sister-in-law about their latest fertility treatment, I told her I would add them to my morning prayer list. And I have prayed every morning. My motive was to bond their new young family and hopefully bridge together my own.

Guess who's pregnant?!

Back in the Game

I'm finishing up my 20th year of being a band director. (Of course, I am extremely gifted and started when I was 9!) My first 5 1/2 years were spent in an inner city situation where just surviving the day was a challenge. By the end, I had built a solid program where the kids and I were having fun and scoring well at district evaluations. We never cracked the Superior ceiling, but given the situation, it didn't bother me so much.

Then I moved to a better public school for the next 5 1/2 years. Within a year, I realized that I DID have a clue and we were getting Superiors every year. The kids and I were having fun and I felt I was at the top of my game.

When I moved to my current situation, I was still there. I took the band to their first evaluation and again, Superiors. The previous director never went because he felt the association didn't understand the needs of the smaller school. Perhaps the director didn't understand the game.

In Florida, if a middle school director earns Superior ratings for 5 consecutive years, a special recognition award is earned. (Appropriately named, the "5 years Superior" plaque.) Imagine my distress when after 4 years, I got an administrator who, through bad choices and no backbone against parents, decimated my program in 2 shorts months. Subsequently, an Excellent rating. Which meant back to square one on the 5 year plague.

Luckily, he didn't last more than that year, but the damage was done and it's taken me quite some time to get things back to where I'd had them. It's been so frustrating to fall short and wonder "Do I really GET it?" I know that the ratings aren't always a true reflection of the director's ability and that an Excellent rating can still show that the director is teaching well, but still - at one time, I could earn Superiors in my SLEEP.

This year, the tide has turned. Yesterday, the band not only earned a straight Superior, but had almost straight A's on their sheets. The B's earned were areas that I knew weren't quite locked in, so I totally saw them coming. MOST importantly, the kids and I had fun and they are ready to move on to the next project. AND my retention rate for next year is high. Right now, I can only name 5 kids out of about 50 who SHOULD be returning but aren't. 90% is an A.

I need to start looking for next year's program.

Google maps

If you put in a city to Google Maps, you get a nice satellite photo. Then you can drag the little person figure onto the map and it instantly zooms to street level. I was looking up some San Francisco stuff for our spring break trip and thought I would try to see how close I could land the little guy to the Pez Museum in Burlingame. On the first try, I landed on 316 California Drive. The Pez Museum is 214 California Drive. How scary is THAT?!

Music for the soul

It's a stressful month in general, every March is. The community band had a concert last night. I'm playing trumpet (NOT my main axe) and although everything was great, the horn parts were better. Still, Colonel Gabriel conducted so the experience was awe inspiring.

The band is having a chamber music concert in April, so I signed up (big commitment) and today finally pulled out the horn and music to see what I could pull together in a month.

I ran through bits and pieces of Mozart, Beethoven, Ravel and Saint-Saens, but I always seem to come back to the Strauss. Maybe it's the one I spent the most time on in college but there's just so much to that first movement. As I worked through it, something happened. I played the big, bold, powerful ending statement and I could barely hold back tears....I needed that release!

I miss passion.