note from a 6th grader

note from a 6th grade student on his practice chart today:

30 minutes of the worst sound ever, like the suffocation of a cat. So I took a hammer and unbent my slipping ligature.

When Fortune Smiles Upon You

We had stir-fry for lunch at school yesterday. (The egg rolls were ESPECIALLY delectable!) The best part is the big box of fortune cookies. I've always found it entertaining to add the words "in bed" to the end of any fortune, hoping that when my fortune DOES become to reality (as it ALWAYS does! LOL) it will have a little extra spark.

Yesterdays fortune: A feather in the hand is better than a bird in the air. (in bed)

Translation: Kinky sex is ALWAYS better than a lover flipping you off as he leaves the bedroom.

Sorry. It's the best I could do.

NY, NY

So it's official. I booked my April trip to NY to see Mer and D perform at Carnegie with their church choir. Lamburrito is going with me, since he's got a camp reunion there that same weekend. WHEEE...

and of course, in true Bing luck fashion, I booked the flight last night and then got the choir schedule today. I need a later flight! On today's agenda: change the flight. LOL! Oh, well....I'm still SO excited. I'm going to need a vacation by then.

My day

Enough said?

Pickles and mayo

Would you rather....

be stoned to death with pickles? 100% 3 votes
be submerged in mayonnaise until you suffocated? 0% 0
--------------

I think it depends actually. Are the pickles kosher or bread and butter?

Not a lot of votes this week. I'm thinking everyone is pretty busy these days!

What NOT to give for VD

The 10 Most Spectacularly Awful Gifts You Can Give Your Girlfriend for Valentine's Day
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
By C. Spencer Beggs

Glow-in-the-Dark Lingerie
Remote-Controlled Wind-Breaking Teddy Bear
Stripper Pole
Ridiculous Footwear
Naming a Star After Her
A Knockoff Handbag
Taser C2
A Four-Course Meal at White Castle
Chocolate Gone Wrong
A Wedding Ring

--------
Then there's MY personal favorite: Buy your wife ONE Pez dispenser and while she's happily playing with it, ecstatic over your thoughtfulness, tell her you couldn't decide between the pink one and the red one. She'll LOVE the fact that you didn't spring for the extra $1.99 and get BOTH!

Meet my daughter Latte

Would you rather...

name your children after symptoms relieved by NyQuil (Stuffy head, Sneezing) 0%
after Starbucks orders (Double Decaf, Mocha Frap) 100%
5 votes total

Thanks for the D+

got this e-mail from a parent today...I chuckled!

------------

Jay told me about his D+. Good for you. AND good for him. Only way to learn consequences is to get a real feel.. That D+ worked. I got to listen to clarinet all weekend..

Late thanks are better than no thanks!

Got this e-mail from a retired band director today...it made me smile!

I just wanted you to know that I never appreciated the work you did getting the solos scheduled and out to the directors in a very timely fashion. I am accompanying solos again for Carmen Williams at Fairview Middle. Evaluation is Friday and Saturday and the schedules have just gotten out. I would be upset if I was still teaching. But, we never had to worry about because of all your hard work.

A belated thank you!

The Hidden Poet

A student walked into my room today and saw a quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson. "The reward of a thing well done is having done it." His response? "Is that the same guy from the 'Where's Waldo' books?"

Middle School ROCKS!

You smell MAHvelous!

Would you rather have....
raspberry scented B.O. 86% 6 Votes
perfectly cubed feces 14% 1 Vote

-----------------------------
Wouldn't you rather that EVERYONE did?

Hit me!

I judge another band Solo/ensemble festival last weekend. It's always fun because I get to work with students I've never met and help them learn new things. This weekend was a BIT questionable, however. Because I'm on the state judges list for Woodwinds, Brass AND percussion, I got to be the judge who heard a little bit of everything. Normally not a big deal, but the percussion judges rooms were packed tight, so I got the percussion overflow. Only, because there was no percussion equipment in my room, that meant I got all the snare drum solos. For 5 solid hours. It sounded something like this:

ratatatatatatatatatatatatfrrrrapBAMatatatatatadiddlediddleflamflamFLAMtatatatatatFRAPFRAPtatatatatdiddlediddleatatat...

I guess you had to be there.

I hit a nerve!

Evidently, I hit a nerve with Down The Drain. JL has posted his response there for you to read.

I'm just going to leave it at that and move on.

Candy corn it is!

Would you rather have...

candy corn for teeth 75% 6 votes
aluminum foil for skin 25% 2 votes

8 votes total

-----------------------
Think about it - candy corn for teeth; you're stranded on a deserted island and you're hungry. Can't find food. JUST EAT YOUR TEETH! If you had aluminum foil for skin, you be cooking alive on deserted island. Not so yummy.

Mile by Mile

Random thoughts about the race:

Main point of panic and concern: Would I miss the 6:10 AM start time? I had to get up at 4 AM and walk 6 blocks to the Metrorail station. There was ONE train scheduled to leave Dadeland at 4:30 and hitting every stop along the way. If you missed it, you wouldn't make the start; by that time it would be too late to drive into downtown, find a place to park and make it to the starting line. I made it, and even met a new friend. Sheila lives a few blocks from me and we stuck together, as it was our first ever race.

Starting line: At 6 AM, it was raining. I mean, RAINING. I MEAN - Tropical Storm Ernesto had NOTHING on the rain that fell yesterday morning at 6 AM as we were all waiting in the "cattle chutes" for the start. I even yelled out, "I didn't sign up for a triathalon; please don't make me swim to the start!" It broke some of the tension for some of the 12,000 people who happened to be in earshot.

Once we started, the thought of "I can't believe I'm actually doing this" hit me. There were SO many people and it was still SO dark that you really didn't get a sense of things. The first mile was up the Macarthur Causeway to Miami Beach, so you could see all of the cruise ships lit up and in port. At the end of the first mile, I felt a little winded, then realized I was pushing a 12 minute pace; a little faster than what I was used to. I knew if I didn't pull back, I'd be in trouble.

Sheila and I were having a great time, running 5/1 minute sets and talking during the walks. I actually saw some of my training group and some of my students and their parents along the way. Running down Ocean Drive and through the Deco District was awesome. The Miami Beach HS Band drumline was out playing some rocking cadences around mile 6. I told them I was writing a letter to their principal - it was SO cool that they were out so early on a Sunday morning!

I ran with my fuel belt and stayed really hydrated. SO hydrated that I did need a pit stop by mile 7. Due to the line, that stop took about 5 minutes, which was JUST enough time to get a little stiff. I had trouble getting my pace back after that, and by mile 8, Sheila had jumped ahead a bit and we lost each other. I wasn't worried as I love to run alone, but was sad that we hadn't had a chance to exchange phone numbers yet. I figured we'd catch up later, though.

By mile 9, my right knee was a little sore. One spectator had a sign that said "Pain is weakness leaving the body." I told her mine had set up camp and refused to go. She laughed; I laughed; I kept going.

Mile 10 was when I really started watching my intervals. I started getting really sore and tired and began thinking, "I'll run 1 more set, then maybe walk the rest." I knew that no matter what, I could probably run 5 more minutes. Amazingly, at the end of the 1 minute walk, I would think, "OK, just ONE more."

By mile 12, I knew I was going to make it, even if I had to walk or crawl. Spectators were saying "just one more turn to the right, and then you round the corner and then you're there!." As I got back to Biscayne Blvd, I was actually running parallel to the home stretch and was euphoric. But then I found it was a FAKE OUT! I had to take a right and go around a few more blocks before ending up in that home stretch.

I did actually walk most of the very last set, once I realized I was going to come in over 3 hours. If I'd had a chance of crossing in less than 3 hours, I would have pushed just a little more, but I saw the clock as I passed the Finish line before the fake out.

Once I finally turned into the home stretch, though, I picked it back up. Lots people were there cheering and seeing our school cross country coach on the sidelines saying "Great job!" almost made me sprint to the finish. I say almost because my legs would have nothing of the sort. Sheila was even there waiting for me - she'd finished about 20 minutes earlier!

Then I was across the line. There were people handing me a medal, food and water, saying "Congratulations!". That's when I realized it: I DID IT! At that moment, I was pondering whether I would ever want to do this again.

I started looking for the next race today!

I DID IT!

I ran the Half Marathon yesterday....official time was 3 hours, 10 minutes and 24 seconds. There is a whole narrative that needs to follow, but I'm on my way to lunch right now. My body is in recovery (mostly my thighs!) so I must go feed it!

I'm not fat!

Croutons or chowder?

Would you rather....

die in an avalanche of croutons 50% 2 votes
drown in a giant bowl of New England clam chowder 50% 2 votes

4 votes total

Down the Drain

Dearest tenant,

Just wanted to let you know that I wish you would have told me that the toilet in the back apartment was running so that I could have fixed it. I just got my quarterly water bill. It is usually around $100. This quarter was $738, which I now have to pay. I'm really pretty angry, because the problem could have been solved with a $3 flapper, had you simply let me know. I'm not really sure why you are so pissed off at me and the world that you had to leave without so much as a phone call, e-mail or note. You didn't even bother to take the Christmas gifts and cards I left for you on the kitchen counter before I left on vacation.

I hope that you can remember that 16 months ago, you were homeless and unemployed. Because I gave you a place to live RENT FREE for 6 months, you were able to get yourself back on your feet. I even took you on a trip to Chicago for Christmas last year because I thought you needed a little vacation.

Last week I sent you a note to ask you where I should send your W-2 from Ferrey's. You didn't even bother to respond. If you need it, call them. I'm throwing it away.

You are in a much better position now than you were 16 months ago, but I'm feeling pretty used, abused and confused. You really make me question whether I'm too generous or just an idiot. I will tell you that I will think twice before I help another human being again. You taught me that.

Best of luck to you. I hope you find whatever you're looking for.

Blue Monday

FOXNEWS.COM HOME > HEALTH > MENTAL HEALTH
'Blue Monday' Means It's All Smooth Sailing for 2007
Monday, January 22, 2007

Good morning, and take comfort in knowing things likely can't get any worse.

Researchers in England, citing unpaid holiday bills, rotten weather and people's realization that they likely won't live up to their New Year's resolutions, say Jan. 22 is the unhappiest day of 2007.

Cliff Arnall, a Cardiff University psychologist, devised the depressing formula.

His equation takes into account six factors: weather, debt, time since Christmas, time since failing our New Year’s resolutions, low motivational levels and feeling a need to take action.

Taken together, they calculate to equal "Blue Monday."

Arnall said that by understanding the main factors for depression, we can prevent becoming unhappy next year.

"Use the day as a springboard for a higher quality life," he told the London Daily Mail. "For example, keeping Christmas spending to a strict budget next year will make you less depressed in the last week of January.

"Also, decide on changing behavior, such as giving up smoking, eating better, exercising more and getting that new job," he said.

It also might be a good idea to be extra careful while driving.

A British insurance company reports that nearly half of all drivers suffer from seasonal symptoms such as depression and lethargy in January, which impact their driving ability.

All is not doom and gloom, however, as a survey of 85 percent of people in Britain expect to be happier in the future than they are now, a psychological study for Standard Life Bank found.

Scots were the most optimistic, followed by people in the South West, while people from London and the West Midlands had the least positive outlook on life, researchers discovered.

People responding to the survey said they hoped to make themselves happier by clearing their debts, paying off their mortgage and achieving financial security.

Those who listed things they were looking forward to were plans to reduce their working hours or retire to improve their quality of life.

For the 15 percent of pessimists and those who feel very depressed, the Samaritans organization urged people not to bottle it up but to get in touch with professional counselors who can help you resolve conflicts.

Their brains aren't quite developed!

Interesting thing happened yesterday - One of my 6th graders came to me after school and handed me a note with $10. He said he was supposed to give it to one of my band officers, Nani. Nani had gotten the idea that it would a great idea to buy me an iPod. Mostly because I have been telling the kids all year, "If you REALLY loved me, I'd have an iPod by now." The problem is, it's supposed to be a surprise presentation at the concert tonight. Now, don't get me wrong - I had a pretty good feeling it was going to happen, since:
1. Nani asked me what kind of iPod I would want IF I were to have one.
2. Nani's mom asked me for a copy of all the parent contact information.
3. Nani asked if he could have 5 minutes at the concert to make a presentation.

Still, when Not-quite-getting-the-hint 6th grader says "I was supposed to give this to Nani. He was collecting money to buy you an iPod and I forgot to give it to him." what do you do? At first, I said NOTHING, hoping NQGTH would simply hand me the note and walk away quietly. But he kept talking and spilled it all. Right there on my desk. A big, fat invisible mess. So now I have to act surprised and hope Nani doesn't found out I know.

I'll let you know how that goes tonight!

Would you rather...

Poll results...you people are SICK!

Would you rather have...

Votes
Parmesan cheese dandruff 100% 5 votes
bubble wrap acne 0% 0 votes

5 votes total

Wicked busy!

After tonight, the merry-go-round slows down for about a week, then it's off to the races again. Last week was just a little surreal; back to school on Monday, then off to the state music convention on Thursday. When it was all said and done on Saturday, I headed over to Orlando for some more Disney fun. After all, I'm now a card-carrying, annual pass holding, certified Disney princess. I even left the fake teeth in the car for most of the visit!

Coming back to work after almost a month (last week barely counted) has been a little stressful, especially considering I have a concert tonight. Who scheduled THAT? Oh, yeah. I did. I'm going to have to rethink this for next year.

Holiday poll results

Just in case you were interested.....

The BEST holiday tradition EVER is

snowball fights (real, NOT e-mail). 9% 1 vote
kissing under the mistletoe. 64% 7 votes
drinking eggnog. 9% 1 vote
playing Secret Santa. 0% 0 votes
decorating everything in sight. 18% 2 votes

11 votes total

---------------
Considering I voted about 3 times myself, you can figure out MY favorite tradition. Unfortunately, it didn't happen this year. Here's to a more productive 2007!

Rockin' and Rollin' in the New Year

New Year's Eve 2007 was absolutely AWESOME! Spent it in Orlando with the usual suspects, plus a few new gang members. Spent the evening at Wall Street in WALL-TO-WALL people; wicked loud and crazy, but definitely worth the excitement. The highlight was the 22 cent "Bubba" teeth that I kept slipping in before I smiled at people. It made my companions double over with laughter EVERY freakin' time, but that's because they said it looked so real on me. What can I say? I'm white trash, once-removed!

On the 1st, we went on a "floating casino to nowhere." Unlike my Vegas trip, I actually had a little fun with the slots there and ended up about $15 or so for the day until one of my trusted cohorts came running to find me. "Bing - we found Larry!" Oh, joy of joys! Larry the Lobster was with me on the boat. And I fed $5 to that little shell-monster in NO time flat. Crappy Crustacean!

On the 2nd, we went to Epcot and tried to drink our way around the world. It was busy, but we saw quite a bit. The cool thing is that Tia and I broke down and bought annual passes, since we go up to bother D so much! Now that I know where the key is, I may start commuting from Orlando. I think the highlight of the day (at least for me!) was waiting in line for "Soarin". The line took over an hour, but with the "Bubba Teeth" back in business, it was quite entertaining. We even watched a kid walk into the wall and fall over as he stared. Now THAT'S entertainment!

Weekly poll takes a Theme!

Since all of the 2007 calendars are on sale for 1/2 price AND since I have a squillion gift cards for Borders and Barnes and Noble (among other places), I decided to buy a "Page a Day" for my desk at school but more importantly, for Bing Blog fodder. I picked the one based on the game "Would You Rather...." TOTALLY awesome, and don't forget to vote early and often, like a South Florida election!

Back on line.....

OK, so now I'm back in school, which means back in the land of free internet connection. I tried to snag a few free waves over the last week while still on vacation, but my Airport card was mad at me for some reason. I thought it was going to take a trip to the Apple store, but I managed to smack it around a bit and it's all good to go, so we're back in business.

Thanks for your patience!

Travel blues....

The trip back from Jackson Hole last Friday was quite eventful. I was scheduled to fly from Jackson to Dallas to Chicago to Miami. When we were approaching Dallas, the weather was bad and we had to circle for awhile. Then the pilot came on to say "We're very low on fuel so we need to divert to Oklahoma City to refuel." So we did. Then we had to sit on the ground for about an hour. Luckily I had gotten bumped up to First Class (AND made Gold frequent flier status; I'm SO framing that boarding pass.) and had plenty of room.

To make a LONG day short; here are the highlights:
1. Once I got to Dallas, I booked a confirmed seat on a flight straight to Miami and put myself first on the stand-by list for on earlier one.
2. Both flights kept getting delayed. They were like two horses at a race track. One would be scheduled to leave first, then the other. I logged a bajillion miles going back and forth between the two gates checking on them.
3. At one gate, a flight to San Antonio boarded, then had to SIT there for 2 hours because of the weather.
4. At another gate, the plane was THERE but couldn't be boarded, as the jetway was closed due to lightning.
5. At one point, we had to evacuate to the bathrooms, as there was a tornado headed towards the airport.
6. My "confirmed seat" flight got cancelled.
7. I finally made it to Miami at 1 AM.
8. My luggage arrived yesterday (Monday).

My own private Everest

It snowed 4 feet on the mountain last night, so there was LOTS of fresh powder this morning. On the first run of the day, I followed Heide (the mother of Nani, the student who invited me out) through a deep run, in between the trees. I forgot to mention - Heide runs LOTS of marathons, skis a TON and is extremely fit.

So I followed and did well for a bit, but then crashed out. It was a VERY soft landing, but then I couldn't quite get my board turned over so that I could stand up again. I can only seem to manage from a face-down position - my arms are DYING from doing push-ups! So there I am, lying in the snow, feeling like Ralphie's little brother Randy in "A Christmas Story." Remember? He was all bundled up like a tick and then got knocked over as he was walking to school. He couldn't get up and just rolled around in the snow until his brother came to his rescue.

Only problem was, by that point I was alone. NOBODY around, and I'm stuck in the snow. At one point, my board jammed in the snow (which was very wet and sticky) about 6 inches and I had to take it off just to get it out. Then I sank up to my thighs in the powder and had to spend A LONG time trying to walk out of the situation. It was very tiring, and quite comical. Needless to say, I was spent when I finally got out and made the run down the mountain. I keep referring to the episode as "My own private Everest."

Merry Christmas from Wyoming

(picture to follow later)

Arrived in Jackson Hole last night. I managed to skip the Dallas segment and flew stand-by straight to Wyoming with the family I'm staying with, so we all went to a prime rib dinner at their friends for Christmas. It's 7:45 AM, and I just ran a few miles. I understand the moose are out, but it was too dark for me to see! Snowboarding today; pray that I don't hurt myself. I'll let you know how it goes.

Stay warm!

HOLD EVERYTHING!

I charted today's run here. Although it doesn't show the actual bike/run path, I went from the Congress Hotel across from Grant Park all the way up Lake Shore Drive (with a run to the end of Navy Pier and back as well) to the Fullerton exit, and then back again. It says the total mileage was 11.79 miles. I also used two other methods of estimating. One came in at 10.3 miles, the other 10.28. Would it be fair of me to say I ran 10.79, since that's the average of the 3?

And can I round it up to 11? PLEASE?!!

Running Cross-Country

In case you are keeping track (or care), here are some interesting points about my training:

Sept. 22 - 4 miles in Orlando
Sept. 29 - 5 miles in Miami
Oct. 6 - 6 miles in Cherry Valley, IL
Oct. 21 - 7 miles in Orlando
BLAH BLAH BLAH due to injury
Nov. 18 - 7 miles in Seattle
Nov. 24 - 6 miles in Ve-GASS
Dec. 1 - 8 miles in Orlando
Dec. 9 - 10 miles in Miami
Dec. 16 - 7 miles in Miami
Dec. 23 - 8 miles in Chicago today (I think. My pedometer seemed a little off. I'll have to check the distance online.)

I was supposed to do 10 today, so I'm a little mad.

I'll have to do a short run in Jackson Hole, Wyoming this week, just to add to the list. Then 10 in Orlando for New Years, 11 in Miami, 12 in Tampa and then a short 7 in Miami. The marathon (13.1) is on Jan. 28th....I'm starting to doubt whether I'll make it! Keep sending good thoughts and prayers.

The Whirlwind Tour/Bad Travel Mojo

So I started my annual Christmas break tour. Some of my close friends laugh at the fact that I log more flights in the 2 week break from school than most of them do in an entire year. Of course, my married friends all say "You know, you can do that because you're single. If you were married and had a family, you wouldn't be able to." No freakin' kidding! And I'd trade it in a heartbeat if I could only find the right person. But I can't, so "stop hatin' and start celebratin' " That's what I'M sayin!

Anyway, this jaunt did NOT start well. The bad travel mojo is in high gear. My flight from Miami to Chicago was 4 hours late and then some lady fell getting off the train to downtown and we had to wait for someone to come and help her out. I missed a short meeting in Chicago AND the annual OPEN BAR at the convention hotel watering hole. DANG! (about the bar, NOT the meeting)

This year the convention is falling WAY too close to Christmas and it's very subdued. So much for 14,000 drunk band directors running around downtown. This year it's more like 100 or so mildly intoxicated ones. Which is probably a good thing. Makes it easier for me to behave. This place can be QUITE the hook-up if you are so connected AND inclined. I'm quite connected but not inclined. I actually called a friend of mine a "man whore" tonight because he was batting in my direction (he didn't make contact, so I don't call it hitting") while telling me of the previous night's escapades with woman from Denmark. He even had some of those cheesy photos booth pictures as proof.

Sorry, buddy....I'm not into "sloppy seconds". Better luck next year.

It's official...sex is good for you!

Read THIStoday....Unfortunately, it doesn't apply to ME!

"I say it sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka, SUCK! It sucks to be me!"

All I want for Christmas is...poll results

All I want for Christmas is...

World Peace 0% 0 votes
a winning lottery ticket 25% 1 vote
a date for Friday night 25% 1 vote
a day inserted betwen Saturday and Sunday 25% 1 vote
a squillion frequent flier miles so I could escape to Borneo 25% 1 vote

4 votes total

YOUR week must have been as busy as MINE!

Thank You note to a student

Dear MJ,

Thanks so much for the homemade chocolate cake. It's currently sitting on my desk, calling my name. I plan to put it out of its misery after school today. Enjoy your vacation!

Love,
your teacher

Homeroom humor

Amazingly enough, in only 10 minutes during homeroom today, there was enough exciting dialogue to last me a week.

First, there were a group of students studying for a science test on the human skeleton. Their passionate discussions on pivot vs. hinge joints was completely lost on me; I remember knowing that once, but I've cleared my brain for more important information, such as "When is the next Pez set of characters being released?"

Then, some of the boys (7th grade, of course) were discussing the pros and cons (mostly cons) of playing unconventional playground games, such as "Coconut" dodge ball (coconuts hurt more than regular playground balls when they hit you in the head) and "Roman candle" tag (burn concerns are obvious.)

Add to that, one of the students (whom I frequent look at at scream "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!) decided to poke everyone and yell "Sputnik" in a high-pitched squeak reminiscent of someone who's been inhaling helium.

BUT...the highlight was when one of the students told me she couldn't find her pants. She left school wearing them, but she wasn't wearing them in homeroom and can't remember when she took them off.

That whole conversation doesn't transcribe well.

Christmas hints

I received this from a friend today and read it whilst I was eating a small gift box of maple coated walnuts for breakfast. I think I'm on track.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than
single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming,

"WOO HOO what a ride!"

Another good poll week....

Last week's results....
-------------------
What's your favorite Christmas Carol?

Silent Night 21% 3 votes
Do You Hear What I Hear? 14% 2 votes
O Holy Night 29% 4 votes
We Three Kings 0% 0 votes
What do you mean, a favorite? How can ANYBODY pick just one?! 36% 5 votes

14 votes total

Fa la la la la, la freakin' la......

My week at a glance.....

This comes from an e-mail I just sent: I thought the writing too good not to share.
-------------------------
Beginning Band WORLD premiere performance on Friday afternoon; I don't if the world is ready. There is just nothing quite like the sound of an exhuberant young saxophonist on his first gig! I've actually considered "accidentally" breaking a few reeds or otherwise disabling a few instruments a few seconds before the downbeat, but alas, I must protect the integrity of the psyche of my young charges. I guess that means passing out earplugs at the door is not an option, either.

Community Band rehearsal last night - we have a concert next Tuesday. We seem to be playing every Christmas carol ever written, most of which are in one VERY long medley. The trumpets really seem to love this piece. I sit in front of them. It's very loud. And not in tune. Not even close.

Running - uh, yea....that's kind a problem. My LEFT calf is now healed, but my RIGHT shin is KILLING me. I'm afraid to go to the doctor, because I'm afraid he'll tell me A) stop running and B) no snowboarding over vacation. So I'll just play the ostrich and bury my head in the sand.

How's life in your world?

What I learned in school today

Never shake a drink bottle full of Crystal Light if the flip top is open, ESPECIALLY if you are standing over your open laptop.

Prayer request

Dear Friends,

As most of you are aware, I'm in training to run the Miami Half-Marathon on Sunday, January 28. This is my first-ever attempt at any such craziness and in spite of myself, things are going pretty well. The wildest part of it is that I'm actually ENJOYING it; I get kind of cranky if I don't get to run on schedule.

As I move in to the final weeks of training, I know that things are going to get tougher. I've been building up my distance every week but with the holidays coming, I'm a little bit nervous about getting those long runs in on the weekend. I need your help for motivation and I have 2 requests:

1. I've been listening to Praise/Worship music during my runs, trying to have some "God" time while on the road. You know me - always multi-tasking! I've been dealing with some pretty heavy issues in my life in recent months. As I move into the holiday season, I can almost feel myself going on my annual trip down the rabbit hole of self-doubt, loneliness and fear as I face the uncertainties of the New Year. As I run, I feel myself in constant prayer and things always look better.

My request: Send me your favorite Praise/Worship tune. As I listen to it, I will think of you and pray for you, as I hope you will pray for me as well.

2. It seems that God is working in my life as I deal with some childhood memories. As I process some events and share with those closest to me, I am realizing that MANY people that I'm coming in contact with have some similar scars. While I've made great strides in healing, it hurts so much to know that there are others who have just begun their journey or worse, innocent children who will be someday wounded in the same way. Therefore, I've decided to run for them, my own "unofficial" charity. The organization is "Darkness to Light" and it deals with confronting childhood sexual abuse.

My request: I'm running 13.1 miles. Please consider donating $13.10 towards this organization as I run; you can donate directly to them via their website, or you can send me a check and I'll make one large donation. If you donate directly to them please just let me know. I'd like to know if I made any difference. If you want to let me know but wish to remain anonymous, you can post a note here on The Bing Blog. I'll be posting this letter there as well.

Thanks for reading, and wish me luck,

Bing

Love me slender

Hershey to Honor Elvis With Banana Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
By Andy Geller

Love me slender: Candy fans are all shook up over plans by Hershey (HSY) to sell a peanut butter and banana crème version of its Reese's cup to honor The King.

The King, as in Elvis Presley.

Elvis' favorite sandwich was fried peanut butter and banana - sometimes with honey or slices of bacon added.

So in July, to mark the 30th anniversary of the rock legend's death, Hershey will introduce a limited edition of its chocolate cup featuring a layer of peanut butter and a layer of banana crème.

Heartburn hotel, you say? Perhaps, but Hershey insists that retailers are very excited about it.

"It brings The King's favorite taste of peanut butter and banana to life, and it's a fantastic way to bring two American icons together," said company spokeswoman Stephanie Moritz.

The Reese's Elvis Cup, first reported by Advertising Age, will have a picture of a young, thin Presley on the package. It will hit store shelves in time for Elvis Week in Memphis, to be held from Aug. 11 to 19.

Lifting up a tab on the wrapper will give buyers a chance to win a trip for two to Graceland, the Presley mansion in Memphis.

I'm a MONKEY!

The kids are doing a multi-cultural study in the Chinese portion of their FLEX (Foreign Language Exploratory) class. They are carrying around a list of the Chinese animals that correspond with your birth year, thus determining your personality for life! Having been born in 1968, I am a Monkey: extremely intelligent, diplomatic, tactful, clever, makes good friends, can sometimes be deceiving.

That last one is interesting, because while I was in Vegas, the monkeys stole my money!

Flingin' Fluids

I got to spend some "bonding" time with Mer on Friday. TOTALLY cool. We're all excited because she's been invited to sing with the San Fran opera and premiere a new work. I'm already looking at flights.

Anyway, she came to Miami a few weeks ago to audition for the Florida Grand Opera. We decided that if they don't hire her, we will spray paint their building. (JUST kidding. Don't call the cops. SHEESH!) Anyway, last night I was running past their building and decided it would be funnier (and actually kind of gross) to spit on their sidewalk instead. Then in a stroke of absolute middle school mentality, I wiped a goober on their wall and laughed hysterically.

Mer called last night to say that Florida Grand hasn't called anyone yet. They haven't finished auditions.

I hope I haven't given her bad opera mojo.

What a day!

This is a rutabaga.







This was my day.






Any questions?

Uhhh....Santa? A Little Help here!

This week's poll results:

IF you were to buy Bing a Christmas present, you would shop at:
www.burlingamepezmuseum.com 60% 3 votes
www.apple.com 0% 0 votes
www.homedepot.com 0% 0 votes
www.target.com 0% 0 votes
www.anyoftheabove.com 40% 2 votes

5 votes total
------------
Considering I voted TWICE myself, it looks like my Christmas tree is going to very bare this year. But actually, I'm not putting one up this year. I won't be here for much of December, so it really doesn't matter.

Not your every day road debris...

CHESAPEAKE, Va. — A tractor-trailer filled with peanut butter and jelly crashed on an off-ramp of Interstate 664 Saturday causing a sticky mess that kept the roadway closed for five hours, the Virginian-Pilot reported.

The driver of the tractor-trailer filled with packets of peanut butter and jellies was charged with reckless driving after his truck lost control around 11:50 a.m. as it tried to exit onto U.S. 58, the paper said.

"Your hands were just covered with jelly," Sgt. C.J. Plaza of the Virginia State Police told the paper. "I had grape, apple, peach preserve, raspberry, strawberry."

It took 10 workers more than five hours to clean up the mess, the paper said.

Running update

Marathon news: did 7 miles in Seattle, then 4 in Vegas, then 8+ when I got home Saturday, plus 4 on Monday. That last one was a bit rough. Tonight I'm going to do 4, and I need to find time to do 8 while I'm in Orlando this weekend. Then I'll be back on track with my training group. Not bad considering I had to take 2 weeks off for my calf. Bought new shoes. That helped a lot!

Airport signs and "Brunch for Lunch"

When we got to Vegas on Tuesday night, D was there to meet us at the airport. We were expecting him to just pull up to the curb, but instead, he was hiding behind this sign! Too funny. It's now hanging above my desk for those tough days when I need a good chuckle!

Yesterday at school, we had "brunch for lunch" and we ALL know what that means, right?!

Bacon, indeed!

The dog stopped hiding!

From a parent:

"I am so glad all the playing/practice he does is paying off. I can tell he's improving because I can finally recognize songs and the dogs have stopped hiding when he plays. He was so excited about being a leader, he made me sit and listen to everything he was going to play (like 20 minutes of songs..it seemed like almost everyone in the book, my smile was a little frozen by the end"
-------
I LOVE my job!

How many more shopping days?

Latest poll results;
-------------------
When do you START your holiday shopping?

The day after Thanksgiving - it's tradition! 0% 0 votes
December 1st. I can't THINK of the holidays until I see it on the calendar! 14% 1 vote
December 24th. Nothing like that last minute rush! 14% 1 vote
December 25th, 8 AM, any participating 7-11 0% 0 votes
December 26th. That's when everything is on sale! 0% 0 votes
I shop all year. It's more fun that way! 71% 5 votes
7 votes total
-------------------

I guess that means that most of you are almost done, but in case you haven't got a gift for ME yet, check this week's poll for ideas!

It's the thought that counts!

What happens in Vegas....

We're back! We had a BLAST in Vegas for Thanksgiving. Saw 3 Cirque shows (Mystere, Le Reve and Love) for the price of 2. D and V got to meet my adopted Jewish mother, who (and I quote) "Hates Hoover Dam." I, on the other hand, am now the Dam princess 2006. Had a parade and everything. I rode on the back of the rented convertible, waving at everyone and shouthing "Enjoy your Dam Day!" Unfortunately, my tiara was stolen by the airline baggage handlers, so the effect was lost.

I also learned that you should NEVER play the slots that have animal themes: The monkeys ate my money!

I will be giving more details on the trip later in the week and will be opening it up to guest spot blogs by the dynamic duo travel companions. As for now, there is laundry to do, a house to clean and tons of things to catch up on.

You'll Never Walk Alone!

So there's a tradition at this convention that is absolutely the coolest thing ever (if you're a band dork). There are 4 honor bands and we end with 2 concerts, each with 2 of the bands. At the end of each concert, the two bands combine to play "You'll Never Walk Alone" from Rogers/Hammerstein's "Carousel." The seniors all stand and we sing to them:

When you walk through a storm
hold your head up high
and don't be afraid the dark.

At the end of the storm
is a golden sky
and the sweet, silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind;
walk on through the rain
though your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on
with hope in your heart
and you'll never walk alone.

You'll never walk alone.

-----------------
I pretty much bawl like a baby every freakin' year!

Say "Goodnight," Boys!

I'm still in Seattle working at the biggest gathering of band dorks in the world (me included!). We had 2 fabulous concerts last night; one was by a Japanese High School band, the other by a professional brass quintet. The 2 performances were quite different and so the balance of the evening was perfect.

After the 2nd concert, most of the staff and the brass quintet went to the hotel bar for a tasty beverage (or two). I think there is a rule somewhere that where there are professional brass musicians, truly tasteless joke and all-around fun must follow. But there is also some unwritten rule that traveling brass musicians are "horn dogs" in the truest sense of the word. Let's just say that the night ended by two of them making sure I found my way back to my hotel room. They were a little disturbed that I wouldn't actually let them IN! In fact, they were SO confused that they called my room a few minutes later to make SURE I didn't want company.

I guess the bright side is, I COULD have been a contender. I just have morals. Hard to believe, I know!

It's nice to be wanted!

I'm in Seattle with some of my favorite people. Yesterday was a busy day, but it started off REALLY well! I got up early (since I'm now 3 time zones later than I'm used to) and ran 7 miles through the neighborhood by the hotel. I had a great view of the mountains and other than getting chased by a pack of wild dogs (OK, they were 12 week old Retriever puppies who thought I wanted to play) the run was good. I bought new shoes before I left Miami, and that seemed to help my sore calf issue. I had my headphones on and was listening to some of my favorite worship music. It started with P's high school choir singing "Now is the Time to Worship." He's here in Seattle with me, so it made me smile. When I got back, I had a message waiting from T: "Good morning, princess! Come join P and me for breakfast." Another big smile; I love these guys! Then I get a text from D, who's already in Vegas: "Having my first margarita. Hurry up and get here!"

It's so nice to be wanted!

Let's play "Top That"

In response to yesterday's "Heard in the classroom" post, I received this from my buddy B in CA

---------------
So we're working on a new production of "Velveteen Rabbit" with my symphonic band and the musical theatre class. My two best trumpets are both characters on stage, however there is a tasty solo in the third number they both want. They are going to challenge for the right to play the solo from the stage, in character. I said to the third chair player that she should also learn the solo just in case. "Just in case of what?" she asked. "Just in case they both get whacked before the show performs" I replied, sorta snidely. "What kind of show is this?!?" she asked with alarm, to which the oboe player chimes in, "The kind wher you bring blow darts so that you get the solo, dummy..."

Somedays I really love my kids!

Be well,
B.

Heard in the classroom....

Heard in Homeroom today: (names have been changed to protect the silly little fools!)

Me: Hey! Karen! Why are you slapping Jon like that?
Karen: I'm trying to slap the stupid out of him.

(I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time!)

---------------------
Heard in the Bandroom today:
Me: Hey, gang! You need to tap your foot when you play so you can feel the subdivision of the eighth notes when your foot goes up and down.
Little Petey: My feet don't reach the floor!

(What's sad is that it's true. And he's in 7th grade!)
---------------------

A Big Shout-Out!

A few weeks ago, there was a flurry of activity around the Bing Blog Poll. Seems that S's "Invisible Friends" over at www.theknot.com were encouraged to vote early and often! I don't even know these people and they all want to go on vacation with me. could it be my offer to pay? Or just that I am SO WAY COOL that everyone wants to know me? Didn't think so.

"MUST SEE" NYC!

Last week's poll results.........
------------------------
Which shows should be "MUST SEE" entries for Bing's New York tour?
Wicked! 5 votes
Chorus Line 1 vote
Avenue Q 10% 1 vote
Spamalot 10% 1 vote
all of the above 2 votes
10 votes total
------------------------
NOT part of the poll...FPCO Choir performance at Carnegie Hall in April. Tia and I are organizing the fan bus. Sign up now!

May I have the Ultrasound please?

In the infamous words of my Christian Freak Friend, who is growing a freakish alien inside of her at the moment:

"It's a frickin' GIRL! We thought it was a boy this whole time. We're adjusting."

I'm saving the voice mail for when the child turns 16 and needs ammunition. She won't need much; have you MET her mother?

Please send contributions to the child's future therapy needs via this blog.

7th graders and spam

A letter from Dean Bing:

To my darling 7th grade students,

As your Dean, it has been brought to my attention that some of you are forwarding a a chain letter entitled "Cute." Let me point out a few things to you:
1. This is called "spamming" which is a direct violation of our school's computer use agreement. If you are found spamming, you face a one week computer suspension.
2. You will NOT get kissed on Friday by the love of your life because you opened this chain letter. You're 12 years old; you haven't even begun to live, let alone love.
3. Your crush will NOT ask you out if you don't break the chain; Your crush is ALSO 12 years old and has not yet learned how to navigate romantic relationships. Many 40 year olds are still working through this and it has nothing to do with broken chain letters.
4. You will NOT have bad luck for the rest of your life if you don't forward the chain to at least 10 people by midnight. You'll have bad luck from the Dean if you do. Which is worse? I thought so!

Get back to work!
Love,
Dean Bing

For Pet Lovers everywhere

Got this today....if you knew my animals, you'd know it's true!
---------------------
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
---
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.

I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe......... for now....

What's happening...

Here's a list of fun things that are happening in November:

National Impotency Month
V's birthday - Nov. 23
National Peanut Butter Lovers Month
V's birthday - Nov. 23
National Pomegranate Month
V's birthday - Nov. 23
Pursuit of Happiness - Nov. 8 - 14
V's birthday - Nov. 23
National Game and Puzzle Week - Nov. 19-25
V's birthday - Nov. 23
Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day - Nov. 14
V's birthday - Nov. 23

Computers and the Senile

Here’s a story you’ll appreciate. I heard it at lunch today. Our PE teacher had to go to Naples with her husband because his mother couldn’t access any of her on-line bank accounts and couldn’t pay her bills. They went over to try and help her out. When they got there, they realized that she didn’t have the “Number Lock” on for her keyboard. That fixed it, but she’d tried to log in so many times with the number lock OFF that all of the on-line services locked her out. They had to call every bank to reset her passwords.

LAME! This week's poll results....

OK, so evidently all of you were off at NATO conference or World Summits or something infinitely more important than voting in the weekly blog poll. Here are the results of last week's poll....
---------------------------
Let's go to Vegas

Votes
February 23-25 0% 0
March 16-18 100% 1 vote
April 13-15 (GET YOUR TAXES DONE EARLY!) 0% 0
May 18-20 0% 0
June 8-10 0% 0

1 votes total
------------------------
Guess who that ONE vote was from? I'll give you a hint: it wasn't any of you! Let's try a little harder next week, shall we?

Dear Lord, I am thankful

THAT WE'RE GOING TO LAS VEGAS FOR THANKSGIVING! and for V's birthday. But it's really about 75% Vegas and 25% her birthday. Cuz we're there for 4 days, and her birthday is only 1 of those days. But she wants a 45/55 split in her favor. Doesn't matter. You know why? We're going to


VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS
VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS
VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS


PS: On MY computer, this spells out "Vegas"...formatting is off here. Not quite the same effect!

"Senior" personal ads

Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
===============
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
=======================
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
=========================
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
====================
WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
==========================
BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
=======================
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
============================
MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Somebody LUVS me!

Here's a response to my "21 Wise Thoughts" post...awwww, shucks
-----------------------
Thanks "Bing"…those were as awesome as you are!! I can think of at least 21 reasons you are so terrific and not in any particular order!

1) Commitment to Christ
2) Kind
3) Caring
4) Fun
5) Talented
6) Thoughtful
7) Passionate
8) Generous
9) Adventuresome
10) Supportive
11) Dependable
12) Leader
13) Encourager
14) Enthusiastic
15) Compassionate
16) Servant-heart
17) Musical
18) Beautiful
19) Authentic
20) Nurturing
21) Friend…my friend.

I am so blessed to have you in my life.

May your day be as special as you are in every way!!

Hugs and love,
S

21 Wise Thoughts

I got one of those "forward this so you can have good luck" e-mails yesterday. I felt like adding more to it before I sent it out. Lots of people liked it, so here it is....
-----------------------
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
- and make sure you don't expect anything in return! It truly IS better to give than to receive.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
- that's what I call the "80 year rule" - when you are both 80 years old and rocking in your chairs on the front porch, you better like the person for who they are!

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
- It's also better to want what you have than to have what you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
- and say it often. Never leave them guessing!

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
- and don't say "I'm sorry, but...." That negates the whole apology!

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
- My theory: get through at least one holiday season with someone. That's usually when childhood trauma and family dysfunction shows its ugly face.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. but know the difference between love and lust.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. If you don't know where you want to go in life, how will you get there.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
- And when you get hurt, learn from it. (I'm SO much smarter now!)

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
- Better yet, try arguing the other person's side. It'll give you a better insight.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
- Don't judge yourself by your relatives, either.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
- Talk less, think more!

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
- and don't let them go until they answer!

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- and both take great work!!

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
- Better yet, say "GOD bless you." When I was married, my husband would say "God bless you" whenever I sneezed. My response was always "He already has." I still believe that.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
- Don't think of it as "losing." Think of it as a learning opportunity.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
- and forget these three: Regret, Retaliation and Rage.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
- Don't let a little dispute become a big one.

NINETEEN. When you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. and OWN it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
- Use your caller ID to use their name when you answer. It makes them laugh, but also make them feel special. Our name is our most valuable asset, and we always smile when we hear someone use it.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
- Spend time doing nothing. Listen to your mind and don't get lost in the "busy-ness" of life!

Husband shopping

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4, 363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

----------------------------------
I'd settle for the Bargain Basement, really. Or maybe even Brian.

Poll results: We're going to Vegas AND NYC!

Ok, so it sounds like everybody is ready to get the heck out of here....here are last week's poll results:
------
If Bing were to take me on her next vacation, I would want to go to
New York to catch some shows. 10% 2 votes
Las Vegas to catch some action. 15% 3 votes
BOTH. But not on the same weekend! 75% 15 votes
20 votes total
-------
I can only take the surge in votes the last two weeks to mean one of two things:
1. The Bing Blog is getting more popular
2. You pesky buggers are stuffing the ballot box, so to speak.

Now we just have to figure out WHEN to go! See this week's poll.

St. Louis: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Three things about St. Louis:

The Good: GO CARDS!

The Bad: The fact that I've never really been there to slide down the Arch.

The Ugly Who the heck is Morgan Quitno Press anyway? Ah, a family of numbers-crunchers creating work for themselves while living in LAWRENCE, KANSAS! I elect that place "Most Boring Place to Live in the WORLD!"
-------------

A few of my favorite people in the whole wide world are from St. Louis, so I know it's gotta be a great place. Mostly.

A Suffering World

This is a book review by Susan Olasky that I found in World Magazine for Why a Suffering World Makes Sense by Chris Tiegreen.

"..Our sufferings, Tiegreen writes, are the canvas upon which God displays His glory. Only in a fallen world among needy, lonely, and sick people like us could God show Himslef to be merciful, comforting, and healing. In our sufferings God displays His character; through our sufferings He makes Himself known to us and prepareds us to reach a suffering world."

I feel so much better about my bad week.

Tropic Hunt Madness

Yesterday was Tropic Hunt 2006. I was torn between two teams, both of which wanted me for my quick wit and brilliant mind...I think. I got there late because I played for all 3 services at church and was just not in "Hunt" mode when I arrived. Both teams did well, solving the 5 puzzles correctly. They even got the phone number to call. It was there that our hopes were dashed, due to Dave Barry's warped mind. Well, that of his team, anyway. He himself said he's not that clever. Still, we had fun. If you haven't done a Hunt, you haven't LIVED!

LOSER!

Who: ME
What: doing work in my office (school and Ultra-Band-Geek convention planning)
Where: my office at school
When: 9:30 PM on a Saturday night
Why: because I HAVE no other life!

Minty Fresh

No marathon training for me today. My leg is still acting up and it's not been a good week. So I took the school trainer's advice and slathered my leg up with Ben-Gay, wrapped it with an Ace bandage and took some Advil. (Wow - 3 product placements in the same sentence. I should get paid for endorsements.) Anyway, the final take on it is, I feel better and smell minty fresh. Let's hope it continues!

Another short week, another day behind.

This was another 4 day work week. Most people LIKE that. It just puts me that much further behind. Now I get to come in tomorrow (Saturday) and try to play catch-up. It'll be a long day; I'm just leaving school now, since tonight was the first "Stand Around". (The kids like to call it a dance, but really, all they do is stand around. Hence the name, courtesy of Big G.) So I get to go to sleep, TRY and get up at 6:0crap, run 9 miles on a leg that's still giving me fits, do some catch-up work in the yard (since it's the first weekend I've been home in 6 weeks, courtesy of Tia, L.P.O.U., D-Man and mi familia) and THEN - come to the office and try to catch up.

If I ever get completely caught up, it's a sign of the Apocalypse.

Maybe this will work...

A friend forwarded this to me today. Settle for Brian. Maybe she's trying to tell me something. I'm thinking of setting up my own site. Care to help?

And now for something completely different....

In order to encourage more "interaction" (er...posting), I hereby pose a new column, the Question of the Day (from "The book of Questions" by Gregory Stock) Let's get started, shall we? (You may post anonymously if you choose; it makes it that much more fun!)

Today's question is:
If you could take a one-month trip anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration, where would you go and what would you do?

NEW WORDS FOR 2006:

found today, buried in my e-mail in-box
--------------------------

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything,and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstreamonly to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working tostay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's work place.

12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another...

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just abovethe rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve.

15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)

18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

Poll results....

Hmmmm....it seems to me that people are VERY interested in the Bing Blog Poll if there is something in it for THEM! Well, if I have to BUY friends....I'm cool with that.
------------------------
If Bing were to take me on her next vacation, I would want to go to:

Votes
New York to catch some Broadway shows! 32% 6 votes
Colorado to catch some snowboard/ski action! 11% 2 votes
Las Vegas to catch some gambling action! 37% 7 votes
Deluth to catch some Zzzz's! 11% 2 votes
Botswana, so I can say "Been there. Done that!" 11% 2 votes

19 votes total
----------------------------
I'm kind of disappointed that nobody loves me enough to go snowboarding, but that's ok...I'll just go all by my own self.
I think I need to have a run-off between Vegas and New York. Heck, I may even do both!

D's Disney Insanity Tour

How to see all 4 Disney Parks in one day........

1. Animal Kingdom: Ride "Everest"
2. Animal Kingdom: The Lion King Show
3. MGM: Watch the car stunt show
4. EPCOT: lunch in Mexico
5. EPCOT: ride "Soarin"
6. back to MGM: Watch "Fantasmic"
7. Magic Kingdom: Watch the Hallowe'en fireworks
8. Magic Kingdom: Ride "Pirates of the Caribbean" to see the new effects and Jack Sparrow
9. Magic Kingdom: watch the parade

4 parks in a day!

My goodness! Today was a VERY busy day. FIRST, I'm back in Orlando. V and I came to visit D-Man again. His sister C is in town. Don't tell him, but this weekend is about 75% about her and only 25% about him. ANYWAY, We drove up last night. It took way longer than it should have. We now officially hate Palm Beach County. They don't seem to understand that traffic is NOT supposed to come to a dead stop on the turnpike.

This morning, I got up at 6 and ran 8 miles. C joined me for the last mile, which was good motivation. I've not been able to run for a week because of a calf strain, but we finished. Then we walked about a bajillion miles because we hit ALL 4 Disney parks in one day. I think it's something everyone should try. ONCE.

On Being a Pumpkin.....

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see. This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. I liked this enough to share it with all the pumpkins in my patch. Happy Fall!

mmmmm....bacon

Today's amusing e-mail exchange......

-----Original Message-----
From: A D
Sent: Thursday, October 19, 2006 9:11 AM
To: bing
Subject: mmmmm

The junior parents are here for breakfast.
Guess what there is a lot of on the menu.
----------------

My reply:


Baconbaconbacon bacon bacon
Baconbaconbaconbacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon baconbaconbaconbacon
bacon bacon baconbaconbaconbacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon

Ahhhh, HECK….I gotta get back to work!

Kate Monster

So today, I'm listening to Avenue Q. (Again, to share with friends....I'm making a mix tape. It must be love!) I came to the realization that I AM Kate Monster.....

I like romantic things
Like music and art.
And as you know
I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have
A boyfriend?
F*@%!
It sucks to be me!

Great Big Band Dork

I'm sitting at my desk, listening to Concert Band Sacred Music. Why, you ask? Because I want to burn a CD and share it with my friends Am I a great big band dork or what?!

My favorite October observance is....

Last week's poll results...only 2 of you out there voted. I broke the tie myself. And one of your votes was for Hallowe'en. How original. The overall participation this week was pretty lame if you ask me! Tia, what do you think we should do to those who don't participate?

Votes
National Kick Butt Day - October 9 0% 0 votes
National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work (or school) Day - October 11 0% 0 votes
International Moment of Frustration Scream Day - October 12 67% 2 votes
Evaluate Your Life Day - October 19 0% 0 votes
Hallowe'en - October 31 33% 1 vote

3 votes total

Things that make you go "hmmmm....."

You can hate the truth and you can talk about it and resist it until you're blue in the face. You can complain and look for sympathy, stomp your feet, feel like a victim, and spend the rest of your life feeling sad, depressed, angry and resentful. But none of this is going to change anything.

Being aware of the difference between what we can control and what we can't is critical for day-to-day happiness. There is no point in banging our head against a wall.

It's a subtle shift in your thinking to be able to recognize when you're fighting reality, and the fact is most of us do it a great deal of the time. But if you can make that slight change in your awareness, you will save yourself a great deal of agony and empower yourself and your decisions like never before.

From Easier Than You Think by Richard Carlson.

Brunch for Lunch

Today we get out of school at 1 PM because of our Admissions Open House. Since the first lunch period starts at 9:30 AM and the last one gets over at 11 AM, we are having "Brunch for Lunch." Do you know what that means?

BACONBACONBACONBACONBACONBACONBACON!

Flying Solo

I just upgraded my (Insert Airline name here) credit card to Platinum. Besides getting extra miles and a few other perks, I also got a FREE Companion Certificate. That means that if I buy a ticket to anywhere in the continental US, I can take a friend along. I have to use it before June 30th, though. So I guess my question is: where do I want to go and who wants to go with me?!

Maybe that'll be next week's poll......

Cat Bowling

Just for fun, here's something to pass the time...Cat Bowling.

You can post your high score here!

Happy "Kick Butt" Day!

Today is Columbus Day, but we don't have it off. We had Yom Kippur off last week, though, so I guess it all works out. Since I'm not really partial to either, this week's poll is concerning which October holiday deserves a day off. Special thanks to www.brownielocks.com for the information!

Remember, vote soon and vote often!

Putting the "FUN" in dysfunction

I'm in Illinois. My brother is getting married today. The family has been running around like mad for the last two days getting ready. Last minute shopping, hair and nail appointments, rehearsal and dinner and the ever-present family dramas. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I have to laugh. I just keep telling them to let me know where I have to be when, and I'll stay out of the way. I know this is hard to grasp, but believe me when I tell you this: I'M the calm, quiet one in this bunch!

Scary thought.....

Gay Sex, part two

Today was time for another haircut. Gotta look good for my brother's wedding this weekend, especially next to the ultra-thin, beautiful sisters. (One could pass for Drew Barrymore, the other Celine Dion.) So it was back to my wonderful former neighbor but still wonderful hairdresser A. As usual, the conversation wandered through various topics, but all the while spiraling down to sex. He brought up the fact that his 14 year old son is sleeping much more often, enjoying his dreams very much and even doing his own laundry in the mornings. Hmmmm...wonder what that's all about?

Anyway, the last time I saw A, we went for drinks at Martini Bar and had a little "incident." (See Gay Sex in the Bathroom) Seems he went BACK to Martini Bar last week and the bartender that had started the whole affair (ha ha) has never apologized for the whole thing. So A got another round of free drinks and free appetizers. It's the gift that keeps on giving!

He said next time, he's going to try that same stunt at DisneyWorld and get the whole family in for free.

Poll results: Sugar Rush

Here are the results of last week's poll......
-----------------------
The most righteous source of a supreme sugar rush is:

Pez - a candy treat in a toy that's neat! 20% 1 vote
Pixy Stix - pure powder, ingested not inhaled 0%
Reese's cups - you got peanut butter in my chocolate 60% 3 votes
Necco wafers - you can break the wafers and play church 0%
Peanut M&m's - melts in your mouth, not in your hand. 20% 1 vote

5 votes total
----------------------

In honor of the Jewish Holiday, Yom Kippur and not having school yesterday, this week's poll has to do with having a day off.

Vote soon, vote often and keep those comments coming!

Tuesday/Mondays

I HATE Tuesday/Mondays! I love them on Mondays, but I hate them on Tuesdays. Perhaps I should explain....

We didn't have school yesterday (Monday) due to Yom Kippur - Shalom, everyone! So even though today was TUESDAY, it operated like a Monday, only worse. I usually have to re-train my little middle school darlings on behavioral issues on Mondays since they have been out of "school mode" for 2 days. It gets exponentially worse after a 3 day weekend. Plus they didn't practice much over the weekend, so musically, we had an "interesting" day as well. Add to the fact that I know have to get through Monday AND Tuesday's "To Do" list in one day....I almost wish I'd been at work yesterday.

I say ALMOST because I had a blast with D-Man and Leopard Princess all weekend and really didn't want to leave yesterday. Can't wait to do it again!

On the Road Again

I'm back in Orlando with the D-Man. This time I had to (volunteered) to help my friend the Leopard Princess get her artwork up to D's church. She painted during communion today for all 3 services. It was amazing to watch and everyone loved it. The funnest part was trying to get all of her supplies up - to make a REALLY long story short: Ricky loaned his van, I drove it up and LP flew First Class (well, ok, First Row...it WAS Southwest Airlines.) D and I played "Secret Service" all weekend. "I've got the football" was our favorite line.

Not to feel left out, I also participated in the service in an artistic fashion: I bought crayons and a coloring book and colored a picture for both of them. Then we had lunch at our favorite place in the world, Yellow Dog Eats. We drew on the walls again and ate yummy sandwiches. I almost feel like a regular, but I told David that he's on his own next week; I have to go to Chicago for my brother's wedding.