Struggling to keep my mouth shut

I have someone that has been bouncing some frustrations off of me. Not AT me, just off me. They need someone to vent to, run some thoughts by, etc. The depth of this friendship is a newer venture. I'm trying really hard to just listen and not help with solutions. I think I just caused some frustration and anger by offering some fresh facts and a different insight to the situation. I really didn't mean to; I'm just tired of seeing someone constantly get beat down by people who have NO consideration for how they are treating others.

Lots of prayers - mostly for me to shut the heck up!

Changes

Do you ever feel like things are status quo for a long time but just when you've resigned yourself to the monotony, circumstances change and you can sense that something different is on the horizon? You're not sure what it is and you're not even sure that it's a GOOD thing. Still, the unknown beats the known and the electricity is worth the potential shock hazard.

I feel something like that right now. I have taken in two house guests that need a place to land. It's created quite a different life for me; instead of the solitude and quiet to which I have grown so comfortable, I have someone within the range of my voice 24-7. It's also created community dinner time and someone to watch movies with, someone to talk to and someone to help around the house. (BIG bonus!)

I know this is only a temporary situation. Right now, it's too new to be annoying. Perhaps it will never become a nuisance. All I do know is that it's different and I can sense that it's going to change something in me or for me in a big way.

Back to work

Sadly, the party is over. It is time to face reality and go back to work tomorrow. I've rather enjoyed the last 2 weeks of doing what I need/want to do WHEN I need/want to do it. I could really get used to it. Unfortunately, right now I need to income. Perhaps when I have no debt and am independently wealthy, I can live my life on my terms. Don't think I'm not working on it!

post-holiday analysis

It's so hard to get into the holiday spirit because so many people don't have the Holy Day Spirit. My family has a large tradition of gift giving and as the family gets larger, so does the cost. As an effort to cut down on consumerism and also financial budget strains, I made homemade star fruit jelly from my own tree and shortbread cookies of my own design to send to friends and family. The whole time, in the back of my head I kept imagining their disdain of "She's so cheap. She doesn't care about us." The feedback I got was quite positive, however and I feel that perhaps we have final broken through the chains of consumerism and moved towards the true meaning of giving. We still have a long way to go until they all understand CHRISTmas at the core.

Add to that everyone's given plans to spend time with the family or that special someone for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner. It's like 4 solid weeks of reminding me of what I DON'T have rather than celebrating the 46 weeks of things I DO have. I felt the need a few years ago to sever holiday visits and vacations with my entire family at once because it always seems to become a toxic environment for me. Alone, I have a great relationship with each branch of the family tree. Together, it's like a raging forest fire. It's always hard as those big days draw closer because people ask "What are you doing for that day.?" Depending on my state of mind at that moment, I may be perfectly honest and say, "I don't really have anything set yet" or I may lie through my teeth and say, "I'm going to go here and then there and then over yonder to visit with all of my various friends in town." Which isn't always a lie; I often fully intend to be the Holiday social butterfly, but by the time I wake up that morning, I realize that I have no idea of my various' friends' actual plans and decide it's not worth possibly crashing a party that may not even be happening. And to me, there is nothing more pathetic sounding than asking someone, "Can I come to your house and hang out on the day that everyone else already HAS a place to go?" Even worse is getting asked to come over because you have nowhere else to go. That's a pity invite. If someone really wanted you at your holiday table, they would ask you BEFORE you tell them you have no options on the table. Granted, I KNOW that I am welcome there, but it's nice to be wanted there. And yes, there is a distinct difference. I am blessed because I have a friend in town with a HUGE family and I have spent the last few Thanksgivings and Christmas Eve's there. They welcome me like one of their own and the atmosphere is wonderful. Still, I always wait for the invitation, never assuming that I'm on the guest list. It can be a bit unnerving at times.

And then enter New Year's Eve. Of ALL the celebrations of the year that fail to live up to the hype! It's looking back at the unfullfilled expectations of the last 365 days. It's a reminder of all the things you were going to change 12 full moons ago but didn't. It's the realization that for most of us, our lives don't look any different today than they did yesterday, last week, last month or last year. But still, we enter the new calendar with eager anticipation that THIS time, we mean it. This time, we're going to follow through and really do it. And then we usually realize things aren't as bad as they seem and we just deal it.

Lost in Translation

I managed to read through the entire bible in 2009 using a plan at OnePlace.com. I just started another plan and thought I'd try something a little different. Last year I did the "Classic" plan with a reading from the Old Testament, one starting at the Psalms and one from the New Testament using the NIV translation.

Just for variety, I thought I'd try the Old/New Testament (1 reading from each) using "The Message." The language is much easier to read, but I sometimes worry about translations becoming interpretations. I trust OnePlace to not put any link to a Bible that has changed scripture to the point of being unrecognizable or untrue. I've read Bible scholar reviews of many translations/versions of the Bible that have been published, including a few that perhaps shouldn't have been.

My take on The Message is that it's a good thought-for-thought (not word-for-word) paraphrase that is good for reading but not for study. I think I can live with that, since I have my NIV version for church and study. I also have my KJV from high school confirmation and my Children's Bible from elementary school. The fact that my Children's Bible is more dog-eared and used than my KJV speaks volumes. Maybe I'll read through THAT one again, just to get an adult perspective on it.

What version/study plan are YOU using these days?

It's inevitable

January 1. It's the time for making all those promises to ourselves. Promises to make us be better than we are at the moment. That's not a bad thing but if not handled properly, it can set you up to feel worse than before.

By glancing back through the Bing Blog posts, 2009 was really not a bad year. There was nothing outstanding life-changing for me, but nothing really dramatically devastating either. That's a big plus.

Still, there are things on my "Bucket List" that will stay there unless I do something to change it. The keys are to make SMART goals - Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant and Time Bound - and to not make a bajillion different goals scattered in 500 directions.

Today is a rainy New Year's Day, so it's been a great one for reflection, resolution and resolve. Not a bad start to a new year.

Focus on the POSITIVE!

I had a friend suggest this week that perhaps I need to do a better job on focusing on the POSITIVE things in my life rather than constantly complaining about the negative.

I have another roof leak that I thought I could wait until spring to fix since winter is usually pretty dry here. Today we had a deluge that was very spring-like. There is a puddle in my house. It's going to cost about $7,000 to properly fix the roof.

I'm POSITIVE that I have no idea how I'm going to manage this one.

(Is that better? Am I being more positive?)

Karma?

For the past few weeks, I've been letting a friend stay in the cabana while she is separated from her husband. On Saturday, she'll move into the Pez room because another friend is going to move into the cabana while he recovers from a job loss. I'm not doing it for any other reason than I have space and they need space.

This week the car broke down, the wireless router crapped out, the pool pump started leaking, an electrical breaker is on the fritz, the dishwasher tried to eat a cookie press disk and the dogs ate my AquaVee. Oh, and let's not forget the Facebook "as if" request (which I ignored.) If it weren't for bad luck, I'd have no luck at all.

Seriously - what gives? If this is what's going to happen every time I try to help someone, then forget about it. I'm done.

Dear Ex

"I was quite surprised to see your friend request on Facebook today. Our marriage ended over 11 years ago and not on good terms. We haven't spoken since and have moved forward with our own lives. I'm curious as to what caused you to feel the need to reconnect at this point. Your request had no personal note attached, so I'm only left to speculate what is on your mind. I'm sure I have no idea.

When relationships end, a door closes but many other opportunities open. To re-open closed doors is to peek into past memories, good and bad, and to risk the flood of regrets and "What if....?" I think for both of us, it may be best to leave that door closed. I wish you nothing but the best for you, your family and your future."


OK gang - this is SOOOO not what I really want to say but I think for all parties involved, it's best to just not engage and let sleeping dogs lie. (No Pastelitos reference intended.) Please give me your input and help me write one of the most important notes of my life!

Focus on the middle!

Someone wise once said that good things and bad things happen simultaneously in life. It's like parallel tracks on a railway line. We just tend to focus on one side or the other. That describes my life right now. I've been really focused on what is SO good (almost everything) and haven't worried about the rest. Then in the span of 24 hours I get hit from all sides with things that just want to make me crawl in bed and come out in February like Puxtahawney Phil, the groundhog.

Is it possible to just focus on the middle? It might make me less joyful about the good things but the bad things won't derail me completely.

"Look"

There are 3 things that The Pastelitos have not been doing well the last two weeks: "Look," "Heel" and "Stay."

For "Look," I should be able to say look and they look at my face. Dogs are 80% visual, so hand signals work well for teaching behaviors. The verbal commands are added after the behavior is mastered. They did this REALLY well in puppy and Intermediate class when I was able to use the clicker to signal "Good Job" and give them a treat as a reward. I can't do either in Advanced. In fact, for the first week of Advanced, I had to completely ignore them so they wouldn't take me for granted. After that week, they were completely focused on me at all times. Yet for the past few weeks, when I say, "Look!" they've just ignored me. They knew that what I wanted next was for them to sit and they would go ahead and sit but without the “look” first.

My trainer taught me a trick to get them to re-learn “look.” She said that if you tell them to “look” and they don’t, pinch the tip of the ear REALLY hard. It sends a shock and gets their attention FAST. I did that with Guava and as much as it pained ME to see her jump, it worked. The second time I said “look” after the pinch, she jumped away from me but did look. I was able to give her a “Good girl!” and scratch her head. Once she re-learned that “Look” can bring GOOD things, she hasn’t ignored me.

I was thinking about how the way I have to train them is similar to the way God is training me.

I need to remember to "Look," especially when He calls. It's one thing to do what we know He wants us to do, but that's not enough. We have to remember to always “Look” for Him to tell us rather than assume we know better. Also, sometimes if we don’t look, we get pinched and it hurts. We learn quickly to keep our eyes on our Master. It’s better for us in the long run.

The Holidays and Pity Invites

I get so tired of the holidays sometimes. Those with families feel sorry for those of us without and try to convince us to join their celebration, full of family inside-stories, traditions and drama that you don't feel included, you just feel like a spectator at a circus freak show. It just makes you feel WORSE than if you just stayed home and enjoyed the day on your own terms.

The truth is, it's not SAD that I'm home alone for the holidays. It's circumstance. I'm not entirely happy with it, but I'm dealing with it. To me, it's just another day only I get to live it on MY terms. Now THERE is something to be thankful for!

EPIC DOG FAIL!

The Pastelitos didn't pass their CGC test today. They seemed fine while we had to sit in the store with 15 other dogs, waiting for our turn. Then Queso got in the ring and got a bit antsy. Once he didn't pass, I think Guava could sense my disappointment, so she didn't even act like herself. I didn't feel 100% sure going in to it, though, so I'm not surprised or even that upset. It just means more hours of practice. It's been a crazy busy month so I didn't get to concentrate on them like maybe I should have. Now it's the holidays so I can be home more and focus on them. There's another test in a month. We'll see how it goes.

God's plan and the Dog plan

I have a plan for my dogs to be well-behaved, pass their CGC and then become Reading Therapy dogs. It looks like that may not happen the way that I wanted. My plan hasn't changed, though. The Pastelitos are just taking a longer route.


In the same way, God set up His perfect plan in motion and we messed it up. That doesn't mean His plan has changed, it just means our path has. When we stray, lose sight of Him or worry that He's left us, He helps us get back on track in a number of ways. Sometimes, it's painful. When we focus on Him, it's easier to understand what He wants us to do.

Just good manners

I was discussing with a friend the other day about the me-centeredness of our younger generation. I'm sure that is a common them of EVERY older generation but some of the things that I see 20-somethings doing today are things I would have never DREAMED of doing when I was that age.

Case #1: My most recent cabana dwellers were really respectful of the fact that they were living in my house. They did use my kitchen but it was always clean. She apologize a few times for arguing loudly and hoped I wasn't disturbed by it, but the truth is I never heard a thing. Once they gave me a gift of an extra $100 rent because they were grateful for being able to stay in a place that was so inexpensive, giving them an opportunity to catch up on some bills.

Why is it, then, that a full 3 months after they moved out, the majority of their belongings are still here? They packed up their car and said he was going to come back and get the rest of the small stuff and they were going to try and sell the furniture on Craig's List. I've been calling for a month now and I'm still getting the "We're working on it" message. I was supposed to have someone move in there THIS WEEK and was asked "Well - does HE want to buy our furniture?" Even if he DID, there is still the matter of your clothes, books, cds and various other personal effects. Then came, "Well - maybe you could just ship that to us." I know the intent was to reimburse me for the shipping, but I don't have that kind of time. It involves packing up boxes of stuff and then hauling it to UPS. The suggestion was to have UPS do a pick-up but I had to remind that I work all day and can't sit at home waiting for a UPS truck.

I'm giving them another week to give me a definitive time frame, then it's off to Goodwill with the whole kit and kaboodle.

Case #2 - I received an e-mail that said there was a young man desperately looking for a new living situation. yada yada yada......I offered the cabana (the person who WAS going to take it this month no longer needs to) and we spoke on the phone Tuesday. He said he was going to come by Wednesday between 6-7 PM to look at it. No show. No call. I know I'm a complete stranger, but when a complete stranger offers to help you out of a bind, then you could at least call and say, "Thanks. I no longer need it."

It's just good manners.

Who's training whom?

Dog training update:
I'm back to ignoring the dogs. I played with them this week and gave them undeserved, unearned attention. Now they are taking me for granted so I have to ignore them other than walks, food and commands. My own fault; I take full responsibility. I just needed some doggie love too.

After church, I took Queso over to a new doggie park. The rule was that he needed to sit on command before he could go in; he didn't. We stood at the gate, I said "Sit!" He backed up and looked at me as if to say, "WHAAAAT?" I counted to 10 and then made him leave. We'll try again tomorrow.

Guava's homework was to go to an outdoor seating area (we chose Starbucks) and "sit/down/stay" for 30 minutes. She got up at 10 and it was a struggle to get her down and start over. Then she made it to 20 before she was distracted and got up. Then 25 minutes into the 3rd try, a man walking by wanted to pet her. She stayed down. He tried to get her to jump up and I had to tell him not to, but it didn't matter; she stayed down. For 30 minutes! Tomorrow we have to work on "Heel" again.

I sure hope they pass their tests in 3 weeks!

Back on track

Today proved to be a more productive (and therefore encouraging) day. Did some "homework" with both dogs, got some groceries, dropped a few boxes off to Goodwill, met with my AdvoCare team (and made some good $$), came home and swam 30 minutes, graded some work for school and am now falling asleep! I'll have a great night's rest, I'm sure.

Mulligan on the week

Things were moving along quite swimmingly for a few months and then this week hiccuped. It started REALLY well as we were off school Monday and I spent the entire day catching up on errands and projects around the house. By Wednesday I was tired, unmotivated and just bleh. I hadn't practiced with the dogs for school, so their last session was disappointing. I was behind on school stuff, then a deadline hit me in the face. I wasn't exercising so my health goals were backsliding. My AdvoCare business wasn't developing as steadily as I'd liked. My previous tenants were STILL trying to figure out how they were going to move their belongings out of the cabana, almost 3 months after they moved back north while I was trying to get the cabana ready for someone who needed it in 2 weeks. The roofer finally billed me for the final payment, but my paycheck still didn't reflect my raise and extra supplements. Thursday, a boat swamped during sailing practice with two kids on it and then I got to my car to find not only a flat tire, but a flat spare as well. I just couldn't seem to get a solid grip on anything. OH, and there is a full moon tonight. No coincidence, I'm sure.

The good thing is that setbacks are only temporary. As long as I keep that in perspective, it's all good. I HAVE been working consistently with the dogs for over 9 months, so this one week of slacking can be overcome. My school deadline is do-able because I did prep work for it a month ago. I can start running/swimming again today AND I learned that swimming at night with the moon and the patio lights is just as good as swimming in the daylight. The AdvoCare business is moving forward because I've been putting steady hours into it every week and that consistency is paying off. I've got two people moving to the Advisor level this afternoon and my 2 week check will be twice as much as any I've received before. The tenants are taking care of getting their stuff and it looks like the new tenant isn't coming after all. My last paycheck was finally accurate and I'm able to work on a new budget for the year.

Tiger Woods has practiced his golf game his entire life. If he has a bad tee-off, he's entitled to a mulligan. I think I'll take on on this week and hope I won't need another for quite some time.

As for this afternoon, I'm taking Queso to the park to practice, then Guava to Starbucks for her homework. Then I'm meeting with my AdvoCare team to help them with their business (which ultimately helps mine). Then I'm setting my goals to get through the week. Wish me luck.

Just keep swimming

Although I'm still pondering whether to train for the ING Miami Half Marathon again (and the 13.1 a month later) I've been swimming laps in my OWN pool quite a bit. It helps take the stress out of my shoulders and I end with some water stability core-strengthening exercises. (Think "stability ball moves in the water.") I find it much easier to meditate while swimming that running and I can do 30 solid minutes with ease. I can probably do more, but that's about all the time I can squeeze out of my day at the moment. My buddy "Clown" has done 2 triathalons in the last month or so and is urging me to do one. I just need a new bike to do that.

For now, I'll stick to running and swimming.

Near Perfect Day

Yesterday was a fantastic day. First - church at Calvary Chapel Miami Beach. I love the straight ahead "Here's what the bible says" approach. Pastor Robert doesn't hold back on controversial topics, but he doesn't preach from a bully pulpit, either. It's a "real (,) Christian" church. (real, Christian OR real Christian - the comma is optional).

When I got home, I took the Pastelitos for a walk then loaded them up to go to the Great Grove Bed Race. Coconut Grove used to be the center of wackiness years ago, but got a little too "high brow" for it's own good. Luckily there are some natives who are committed to turning that around! Between the Bed Races and the King Mango Strut, the Grove is still my favorite part of Miami. Oh, and that's where my school is and I live very close. Doesn't get any better.

I didn't stay for the whole set of races. It was quite hot and sunny (after 3 days of rain - another good thing!) and I didn't think the Pastelitos should suffer. They were QUITE well behaved, although restless from the crowds. Queso was his usual confident self, going up to greet every strange person and dog that he saw. He got snapped at by unfriendly dogs more than once. It didn't really phase him much. I still don't understand why people take unsocialized, unfriendly dogs out to events where there are LOTS of other people and dogs.

Guava still worries me a little; she's timid in most strange situations. Her tail was down between her legs all day. I sat on a curb at one point and she climbed in my lap - all 65 pounds of her. She wasn't whiny and underfoot - just guarded. She DID impress me whenever children wanted to pet her. She would just sit down and not move a muscle. I got many compliments on their demeanor and when I mentioned that they will be 1 year old in a week, many people were surprised. They don't act like puppies.

When we got home, it was pool time. I did a quick cleaning of the pool, then 30 minutes of laps. The Pastelitos were EXHAUSTED and slept for the rest of the day. I wanted to force them into the pool but didn't have the heart. After my swim, I laid down on the chaise lounge and we all took a long nap in the yard. I got a glimpse of what their days must be like while I'm at work and they have to stay outside; it's not so bad!

After dinner, I sat down to watch the first part of Dr. Zhivago. I'd never seen it. I accidentally watched the 2nd half on Friday. (It's a double-sided disc.) I finished it and said to myself, "I don't get it." Then I realized what I'd done. After last night, it makes SO much more sense!

Now it's Labor Day. Another beautiful day outside. I am planning on working in the yard, but not as hard as a month ago when I really overdid it! Just an hour or so. Then a swim, then some school stuff. I've vowed in the last few years NEVER to work at home, but I'm feeling a little unsettled by the amount of things on my to-do list and figured if I can spend some time evenings and weekends getting through it all, I'll feel better able to stay on top of things for the rest of the year.

It's gonna be a BlackJack year!

Although we had orientation last week, tomorrow is the first full day of classes. I'm starting year 21. Blackjack! I'm hoping it will be better than last year. Last year was AWESOME! So if this year is better, woo hoo.

So far it's looking good. The guitar classes have been moved to another classroom. I finally get to spread my day out AND have more room for storage and kids AND get lunch. I also got a 7% raise. It's all good....and please remind me that if I complain between now and May.

Hope the rest of you have a great school year, too.

Facebook gives you amnesia

My mom doesn't speak to my older brother. (or my younger one, for that matter!) By default, the rest of the family (meaning the sisters) doesn't either. Of course, I spoke to my younger brother and his wife when they came to visit me for a week last month. I just didn't mention that to my mom or my sisters.

When my grandmother called me for my birthday 3 weeks ago, she informed me that my older brother is now a grandfather. That makes my mother a great-grandmother. She asked me if my mom knew. I told her I didn't think so and that I was NOT going to be the one to deliver that news.

Yesterday, I got a voicemail from my younger sister calling me "Great Aunt" and asking if I've spoken to Mom lately. I knew then that the bomb had been detonated.

Today I got a Facebook friend request from my older brother's wife. Once I accepted, I saw that she and I have a mutual friend - my mother.

Time may not heal all wounds, but Facebook may.

Strangers in the house, the prequel

As I was relating the story of Missions in the Cabana to my friend Songbird, she reminded me of a story from 2 1/2 years ago:

I was in Orlando at a friend's birthday party and met Songbird for the first time. She found out I lived in Miami and mentioned she was going to be in Miami in a few months for an audition for the Florida Grand Opera. I told her to call me if she needed a place to stay, as I lived only blocks from the Opera House.

Fast forward: She calls and says a) she wants to know if the offer is still standing and b) can she bring a friend who is also auditioning. Of course I say yes. They end up arriving at 2 AM. They were amazed that I waited up for them. I gave her my bedroom, as it has better air conditioning and I was worried about her voice. They both did their audition and left that afternoon.

We've been TERRIFIC friends ever since! That's how life works.

The Cabana mission

As, I said earlier, my pool cabana seems to be a place where people land when they need a little help.

Last week, I hosted a kid from Argentina who was here for a few days buying instruments for his church (or so he said...THAT story is another blog post entirely) and needed a place to stay. A good friend of mine asked me to host him and vouched for his character. It was an interesting adventure, but again, a different post entirely.

On Tuesday, a friend was flying through Miami on his way back to a mission trip in Haiti. He had a 3 hour layover at which time he called with a request, "My friend on this trip is a dentist and he forgot to grab extra dental mirrors. Can you get some?" Within an hour, I was handing them 2 mirrors donated by my own dental office. Felt good to help out.

LAST night on his way home, he called again: "A member of our team got food poisoning on the plane. They are taking her to the hospital in Miami. We're not sure what to do next." Again, within the hour, I was at the airport, picking up some stranger's luggage and heading to a hospital to introduce myself. She was pretty sick and the doctors said she wouldn't be released for 3-4 hours. I gave her my number and told her to call when they discharged her. She could spend the rest of the night at my house (the cabana is now "conveniently" unoccupied) and take her to the airport whenever she could continue her travels.

She called at 3 AM and said, "There was another missionary on that flight that ate the same thing I did. She's in the bed next to me in the emergency room. I know it sounds bizarre, but do you mind if she comes, too?"

And so, that's how I ended up with two missionaries from Haiti in the Cabana, which is my own little mission field. Today, I helped them get clean clothes and get back to the airport. Mission accomplished!

If generousity is for suckers, then I'm a mosquito!

I got back from my travels on Wednesday. My tenants moved out permanently on Thursday, although they still have to come back and move out furniture, clothing and other stuff. In the meantime, I got an e-mail from someone who lost his job, is almost out of money and wonders if he could land in the cabana until he finds stability.

Guess what I said?

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

(wait for it)

Of course I said yes. I told him he can stay here rent free until the first of the year. I hope I made the right decision.

Summer travel and friends

Here's how my summer "fun" shaped up"

- My brother and sister-in-law came to visit for 6 days. It was the first "adult" vacation that he and I have had without the rest of the family. It was VERY fun and much needed. I'll be heading up to their place for Christmas, since they should have a one-month old little girl by then!

- I headed out to San Jose and spent a few days with a friend from band camp. It was a fast and furious vacation but I got to see San Jose, Monterrey and Carmel. We watched the sunset at Pebble Beach and enjoy just relaxing. I DO want to go back and do some exploring of the area.

- I drove up to Band Camp with fellow campers from the Oakland area. Road trips are much more fun with friends. I was hoping to see more parts of their world, but he had some business meetings to attend and so it wasn't possible. Maybe next time, I'll head back down to their neck of the woods after camp and see them.

- After camp was over, I spent one night in northern California with former camp buddies. They've built a BEAUTIFUL home with a great view just north of Mt. Shasta. The visit was brief and left me wanting more time with them. I hope they felt the same.

- I did get to go rafting with a friend; a calm few hours on the water with no huge rapids made for nice visiting time. The only bummer was that I had to replace the tire on the rental car after an unfortunate incident with a curb. BUMMER!

- I spent 2 days just chilling with great friends in Medford. (Stray Dog and his wonderful wife) They were getting prepared to fly out to visit family and brand new grandson (#9 - born on July 1: GREAT day!) so I tagged along for errands and shopping but they did take me into Jacksonville. I had NO idea how close it was to Medford/Ashland and will definitely explore more there in the future. I also got to meet their pastor and his wife. We had some wonderful conversation.

- The highlight of the Summer Sofa Bed tour was visiting Electric Clown and his fabulous wife out in Bend. We did some hiking/geo-caching, went on their sailboat and generally acted pretty silly. I hope to do it again sometime, if they'll have me back!

I think I may be home for the rest of the summer. I returned to find that my tenants/dog sitters were moving out the next day. I have a short weekend to Dallas planned for August (AdvoCare Success School) and my sister and her boyfriend are heading to Florida right after that. She's planning on coming here for one day to see the house (post re-model) and the dogs, but they are going to spend the majority of their vacation in Orlando at his parents' time-share.

The Virginia people are still hoping I'll make a trip up there this summer (I mentioned it) but I'd have to road-trip WITH the dogs and time it around their "family cruise" (which always seems to involve only one branch of the family....hmmmmm). If I take the Pastelitos, it would give me something to do when the drama gets too intense.

Or I could save the time, money and energy and just spend the rest of the summer in my pool.

Home from "camp"

It's been a solid month since I posted that last "heated" message. (I DID put in the profanity alert, so if you were shocked....you don't know me as well as you thought. Sorry!)

Adult Band Camp turned out to be one of the BEST summers ever. I DID get to follow through with some podium time. Being left off of the schedule was an oversight based on incorrect information from a conversation a year ago. What I SAID was not what was heard or remembered. Thus my frustration. In any case, I did get to be seen as a real band director on the podium, not just the "administrator type" who has to constantly remind people about attendance stickers, money and generally icky topics. It made me feel almost human again.

Then I actually got to play my horn in the band for the first time in MANY summers. The first week concert was INCREDIBLE: the conductors and guest artists were amazing and the musical selections were quite emotional. I also got to take the In-Between days off this year, which was convenient. I slept 14 hours off and on the day after the concert due to emotional and physical exhaustion!

I did stay and work the 3rd, short session as always. I actually enjoy staying on when everyone else goes home as I can get some of my own work done (programming for the school year, getting my thoughts together on how to use what I've learned) AND I get a better chance at getting to know some of the students. The class is MUCH smaller and thus more interactive. It's usually a highlight of my summer. This year was definitely a plus, as the clinician was fantastic. I left there inspired to come back to school.

Unfortunately, school doesn't start for another 3 weeks. My motivation is waning!

Who you are

I got this quote from Songbird today. It's pretty appropriate, especially for here. If you can't be open and honest in your own blog, then where can you be?

"Be who you say you are.. and say what you feel .. because those that matter, don't mind ... and those that mind, don't matter!"

Band Camp flunky?

It's time for Band Director Sleep-Away Camp again. We counselors arrived 2 days ago to start prep work. 1st year campers start arriving tomorrow and have their entrance exam on Saturday. First day of camp activities is on Sunday.

This year, all of the counselors have been asked to conduct a warm-up and/or sight-reading piece on the first day. Well, everyone except Techno-Chick and me.

(PROFANITY ALERT)

WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm getting some pretty clear signals from the cosmos that something in my life needs to change because lately things are really sucking ass.

Generosity is for suckers

I'm the one people come to when they need help. I've loaned/lost more money over the years than I am ready to admit. My house is a place where wayward souls land when they need some breathing room financially. I loan my car if it helps someone out in a pinch. My laptop is currently in the hands of someone who needs it for the summer. Not only am I tithing a full 10%, but I support one needy child and one foreign missionary family. Part of my morning prayer time is to ask the hand of God to provide for me when necessary and to guide my decisions to keep my finances under control.

I can't even begin to list all of the financial set-backs I've faced this week. It's all bullshit. I quit!

Whirr Whirr Whirr

That's the title of a composition by a friend. There's a personal story behind the title that I won't share (as it's HIS story) but the basic premise is that his mind was spinning a mile a minute....Whirr Whirr Whirr.

That's how I feel right now. Too many thoughts going through my mind, too many situations that need sorting out, too many frustrations to think straight, too many, too many, too many.....

I'm taking off for the weekend to try and clear my head.

Lonely "fruit" list

There's a joke out there about every woman's melon list...the Honey Do. As in, "Honey, can you do..." The problem with being a single woman homeowner is that I'M the fruit. The regular chore list would be doable with a normal job. But just like most good band directors, I put in extra hours.

A typical day involves leaving the house at 7:30 AM, returning at 6 PM to walk and feed the dogs and PERHAPS shove some food down my own throat and then tear off to whatever is planned for the evening (community band, school functions, dog school). I can try and catch up on weekends, but judging, more dog school, school trips and other functions all seem to take the first bite out of my time.

I need to call a plumber, a landscaper, a bathtub refinisher, the termite inspector, the paver guy, the handyman, an auto body shop andmy doctor.. Three things stand in the way: 1) finding time in the day to make the call. 2) finding time in the schedule to have an appointment. 3) finding money in the budget to pay for it all.

Pray for me....the next month or so are going to be a rough ride.

Weeping and Gnashing from the podium

Our community band had a concert last night. It's an 85 piece band with members ranging from college-aged to our Grand Dame Adah, our 95 year old horn player. We have some GREAT musicians and some who MAY have been great back in the day. Still, we play some great literature and have an active concert schedule. We have 3-4 guest conductors each year and at least one soloist. Colonel Gabriel even comes down every year. All in all, it is a respectable group.

We had a guest conductor for this concert whom I still can't decide if I liked or not. His musicianship was good, his stick technique was fine, he was an authority on the style and pieces that he conducted. His sarcasm was just a little TOO passive aggressive for me and some of his comments were just plain mean.

Granted, some of the things that he commented on NEEDED to be addressed, like talking during the rehearsal or not marking parts for repeated mistakes or special instructions. The group is notorious for not paying attention and they drive ME crazy at times. I just wonder if a guest conductor should address those issues in such a biting fashion. He even made a comment to ME about not being prepared and why did this group beg to have the music sent so early if we weren't going to practice it? (I was sight-reading the bell part on a ragtime lick at the time; not my strongest instrument but then again, they NEVER let me play horn!) I know that it instantly made me raise my eyebrows and my gut said "unsafe person - be careful."

I saw other members of the band trying to play up to him to make sure they were on his good side. I couldn't be bothered. I practiced the lick a bit to "show him" and then ultimately knew that any lashing I might get in the next rehearsal for even a single missed note was not worth any stress and aggravation. I passed the part on to someone else (who is ACTUALLY a percussionist) and said "Have fun!" I just made sure all my other parts were ready.

At the concert, I noticed that every time there was even the tiniest flaw, he would wince, frown, scowl, shake his head or otherwise react with negative body language. Conversely, I didn't see as much positive reinforcement for the things played well. Then I noticed that the mental focus of the group deteriorated a bit more with each "negative" feedback. There was even one point where the opening of a piece fell apart; he stopped and quickly said "Start again" and the re-opening still didn't come together. He then made light of it with the audience and tried a third time.

I was reminded of two Dr. Tim quotes in this whole experience:
1. People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.
He didn't take much interest in some of the personalities of the group. He even went overtime at Sunday's rehearsal even though knew there was a celebration planned for Adah's 95th birthday right after rehearsal. (She let him know he was out of time. Loudly.)
2. Fear will get a team to the finish line faster than encouragement. In fact, people will run OVER each other to beat the others to the end if they are afraid of the team leader. But once you finish the race, nobody wants to be on that team any more. Encouragement takes more time, but people will actually help each other get to the finish and then be excited to start the next race.
People may have worked harder with this conductor to avoid his wrath, but it's more fun when you work harder in order to please someone. All I know is that I really am indifferent as to whether this conductor comes back again in the future.

Quotes from my pastor

I've been avoiding finishing my taxes all evening, so I cleaned out a big "To Do" pile of papers instead. I found some sermon notes I've taken over the past few months - all with the intention to blog and discuss. I'll just list them here and maybe refer back at a later date.

While studying Acts 16: Lydia's conversion - The Spirit closed the door to Asia and sent Paul to Philippi to save ONE woman. God's love is SO great that He would spend MY whole life to reach you.

While discussing sexual immorality - Anything against God's original design is sin (missing the mark.) Aiming at the target but missing the mark is falling short. Not aiming at the target is rebellion.

Acts 20
-Fear of hurting someone's feelings can cause us to be unfaithful to them. There are worse things than having our feelings hurt. Speaking the truth (in love) can help avoid deeper hurt.
-Bravery is rushing into danger without considering the consequences. Courage is knowing the consequences and rushing in anyway.
-Jesus didn't come to make your life easy. He came to make YOU better.

On Biblical vs. Topical study: Going through the book protects you from me.

(My favorite) The power is in the FIRE, not in the vessel. God set fire to a bush, not a redwood tree.

New Beginnings or Rewriting the past?

Easter services today. I almost didn't make it. I've been in bed with flu-like symptoms since a) chaperoning 61 8th graders to San Francisco for Spring Break b) taking the red eye back Wednesday night c) having a deep tissue massage 5 hours after landing in which the therapist attacked my lymph nodes like a wild Pastelito attacks a headless squirrel toy. I figured if my Savior could die on the cross for me, I could haul my ass out of bed and praise the fact that He is RISEN!

Our sunrise service was in the North Beach amphitheater. Here's what made it special: the outdoor atmosphere, the sun rising over the ocean, the blending of many different congregations, the message being in Spanish (and not having to rely entirely on the translator!) the kids playing, the people bringing their pets (I left mine at home), the jogger coming in after her morning run to worship, the drunk and barefoot smoker who could barely focus but yelled "He's ALIVE!" anyway, her trip to the altar for prayer, my pastor's ever-elegant wife comforting her after....it's definitely not the church I grew up in, but it is ever much HIS church.

After the service, I chatted with the pastor of a partnering church who happens to be my former singles pastor from my big-church days. We talked about getting together; he and his wife bought a house just blocks from me. There were some times when I was wounded by people in that ministry, but perhaps this is a chance to work it out. We talked about Facebook and how while it is a great connection tool, it sometimes brings out the skeletons and cobwebs. I've been dealing with a few of mine as things pop up at times. Again, perhaps a chance to work it out.

While we were talking, a woman who attended that ministry came by. She's my age and has Asperger's Syndrome, which is on the autism spectrum. She was not diagnosed until much later in life and so often times she comes across as severely mentally challenged. One of my conflicts with the singles ministry was trying to educate some of the "leaders" on how to deal with her. Their response was they didn't; they just ignored her rather than engaging her. We caught up briefly - she's moved to a safer area of town and is working two at-home jobs, trying to make ends meet. She's attending a small group with a woman that I know: She was part of my first small group! Again, the past comes back.

On the way home, I called my mom to wish her a Happy Easter. She excitedly told me about the cruise that she, her girlfriend, my sister and her family were all going on in August. I wondered aloud if the thought had crossed their mind that I might like to go; it hadn't. The call ended with me being made to feel like a selfish spoiled brat for pointing that out. Again - skeletons and cobwebs.

My "new life" resolution is to keep moving forward. I can't really forget the past. I can't rewrite it, either. I just have to learn how to react better to the present.

You do not have because you do not ask!

Since God answered this prayer last week, I had to put in some new ones. I've mostly been praying for a friend to open his heart to Jesus. He's a hardened recovering Catholic who believes that all paths lead to God and being a good person gets you to heaven. I love him dearly and want to see him there. I've also been praying for Him to bless my AdvoCare business, as the extra income will help me get out of debt faster (to give more money to His work) and free up my time from all of the side jobs that I'm currently doing to accelerate my debt reduction. (I've reduced it 5% in the last 6 months.) I made sales to 3 new customers this week; one was a nanny who saw me taking an AdvoCare Slim after school one day a few weeks ago. I gave her a catalog and my card and all of a sudden, she called today with questions and then ordered online. I've also started making a smoothie with the meal replacement shakes and fresh fruit. As I walk around school with it, people ask for a taste and now a coworker wants to buy a box.

I look up every time and whisper "Thank You."

Administration and the Bible

Ecclesiastes 10:5-6,10
There is an evil I have seen under the sun, the sort of error that arises from a ruler:
Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones...
If the ax is dull and its edge unsharpened, more strength is needed but skill will bring success.

This was part of this morning's reading. As I read, the images of administrators and band directors I've known flashed before me. My morning prayer was to be sharp and stay calm at work, today and every day.

Prayers answered

James 4:2-3 "You do not have because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives...."

The commentary in my NIV Study Bible asks "Does God answer prayers if our motives aren't pure?" and goes on to say "There will always be some selfish elements in our prayers. In spite of this, God graciously hears us and answers us when we pray. But if our requests center on ourselves, rather than on God's purposes, God refuses to hear and answer. If he granted such requests, his integrity would be compromised and we would not benefit spiritually."

Remember this? Well, yes indeed it's true. I found out a few weeks ago that my brother and his wife have been trying very hard to get pregnant. Now, the REST of my family isn't really speaking to my brother. I've heard both sides and frankly don't care. Their problem isn't my problem. So in chatting with my sister-in-law about their latest fertility treatment, I told her I would add them to my morning prayer list. And I have prayed every morning. My motive was to bond their new young family and hopefully bridge together my own.

Guess who's pregnant?!

Back in the Game

I'm finishing up my 20th year of being a band director. (Of course, I am extremely gifted and started when I was 9!) My first 5 1/2 years were spent in an inner city situation where just surviving the day was a challenge. By the end, I had built a solid program where the kids and I were having fun and scoring well at district evaluations. We never cracked the Superior ceiling, but given the situation, it didn't bother me so much.

Then I moved to a better public school for the next 5 1/2 years. Within a year, I realized that I DID have a clue and we were getting Superiors every year. The kids and I were having fun and I felt I was at the top of my game.

When I moved to my current situation, I was still there. I took the band to their first evaluation and again, Superiors. The previous director never went because he felt the association didn't understand the needs of the smaller school. Perhaps the director didn't understand the game.

In Florida, if a middle school director earns Superior ratings for 5 consecutive years, a special recognition award is earned. (Appropriately named, the "5 years Superior" plaque.) Imagine my distress when after 4 years, I got an administrator who, through bad choices and no backbone against parents, decimated my program in 2 shorts months. Subsequently, an Excellent rating. Which meant back to square one on the 5 year plague.

Luckily, he didn't last more than that year, but the damage was done and it's taken me quite some time to get things back to where I'd had them. It's been so frustrating to fall short and wonder "Do I really GET it?" I know that the ratings aren't always a true reflection of the director's ability and that an Excellent rating can still show that the director is teaching well, but still - at one time, I could earn Superiors in my SLEEP.

This year, the tide has turned. Yesterday, the band not only earned a straight Superior, but had almost straight A's on their sheets. The B's earned were areas that I knew weren't quite locked in, so I totally saw them coming. MOST importantly, the kids and I had fun and they are ready to move on to the next project. AND my retention rate for next year is high. Right now, I can only name 5 kids out of about 50 who SHOULD be returning but aren't. 90% is an A.

I need to start looking for next year's program.

Google maps

If you put in a city to Google Maps, you get a nice satellite photo. Then you can drag the little person figure onto the map and it instantly zooms to street level. I was looking up some San Francisco stuff for our spring break trip and thought I would try to see how close I could land the little guy to the Pez Museum in Burlingame. On the first try, I landed on 316 California Drive. The Pez Museum is 214 California Drive. How scary is THAT?!

Music for the soul

It's a stressful month in general, every March is. The community band had a concert last night. I'm playing trumpet (NOT my main axe) and although everything was great, the horn parts were better. Still, Colonel Gabriel conducted so the experience was awe inspiring.

The band is having a chamber music concert in April, so I signed up (big commitment) and today finally pulled out the horn and music to see what I could pull together in a month.

I ran through bits and pieces of Mozart, Beethoven, Ravel and Saint-Saens, but I always seem to come back to the Strauss. Maybe it's the one I spent the most time on in college but there's just so much to that first movement. As I worked through it, something happened. I played the big, bold, powerful ending statement and I could barely hold back tears....I needed that release!

I miss passion.

Many Moods....

This hits home today. Now, before any of you post YOUR opinions, stop and think: "Am I personally in this situation at this moment?" Because if you're not, I'm REALLY not interested in anything you have to say.

Extroverted organized health nut?

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm an

Extroverted Organized Health Nut

God and the housing market

Leviticus 25: 14-16
"If you sell land to one of your countrymen or buy any from him, do not take advantage of each other.
You are to buy from your countryman on the basis of the number of years since the Jubilee. And he is to sell to you on the basis of the number of years left for harvesting crops.
When the years are many, you are to increase the price, and when the years are few, you are to decrease the price, because what he is really selling you is the number of crops"



Discuss.....

Flu-like symptoms

Yesterday was tough. I ALMOST called in sick to school today. That hasn't happened in 6 or 7 YEARS. Then I started thinking about my schedule lately and thought I figured out the problem. Last week, I did a half marathon (with "complications") but other than a short nap and lots of fluids that afternoon, I didn't rest up and recover well. I jumped right back into the school week, walked 3-5 miles every night and stressed over school projects, grades and upcoming performances. Then I spent the weekend doing some THOROUGH house cleaning. Then yesterday I had a dental cleaning in the morning (which seems to have stirred up some germy things) and a deep tissue massage in the afternoon (more toxin things). By the time I left Doggy Middle School at 8 PM last night, I was running a low-grade fever. I felt better this morning and made it easily through the day. Tonight I went to community band but left at the break because my eyes were hot and my hair was hurting. (you know, flu-like symptoms where your whole body just aches.)

I just took a double shot of AdvoCare Rehydrate and some ProBiotic RESTORE and I'm going to bed. I'll let you know how that works out!

Dog-noramus

When we got back from Obedience School today, I took both dogs for a walk around the block. As we approached the pizza (Casola's) the corner, a fire/rescue truck pulled up and parked. As it did, the occupants thought it would be funny to flick the siren and make "meow" noises through their PA system. Guava FREAKED out and tried to pull my arm off to run back home. As the firemen were chuckling, I said "THANKS! Thanks a LOT!" They obviously didn't speak sarcasm.

I took the Pastelitos home and walked back to Casola's, saw the idiot at the counter and asked him to step outside so I could speak to him. I explained that a) my brother is a fireman b) I served as volunteer fire personnel in my little town growing up c) I'm really considering making my dogs service dogs (I think Queso might be great for search and rescue, actually) d) through his idiotic actions, my dogs are now terrified by fire trucks.

I didn't lose it, I just spoke as calmly as I could, although I was LIVID. He DID apologize and said usually when he does that, everyone thinks it's funny. I told him to please think before he does anything like that again. Hopefully he will.

Puppy Middle School

I started Guava in the Intermediate ("Middle School") level of obedience school today. She TECHNICALLY has one week of Puppy School left. She has to officially pass the "test" - Look, sit, stay, down, leave it and drop it. Queso passed with flying colors on Monday and Guava is actually more compliant, so the trainer said to go ahead and start Middle School this week. Queso starts on Monday.

Today we learned wait and heel. She got both commands right away. She has to miss next week because I'm judging. In fact, they're both going to miss Week 2 and Week 5. We'll have to schedule "tutoring" to make it up! How funny.

I just found out that if they become registered therapy dogs and work 10 times per year, they become tax deductions. I keep telling them they need to get jobs; now they can!

March could be a problem month

So as I referred to in my last post, it's "funky" time again. I wondered if subconsciously I was bracing myself for an "anniversary" of some sort...then I checked previous posts from about the same time and found this....

The Bing Blog: March is NOT my favorite month

Coincidence? Doubtful!

Going down the rabbit hole

The last few days have been rough. There hasn't been any MAJOR drama or situations to make it so, but it just feels like the start of one of those downward spirals I seem to experience every so often. I have a lot on my plate and there are major deadlines at work. This is also the time of year where we start counting down to Spring Break. I just hope I caught it in time and can find a way to get back on track and avert a real funk. That would really suck right now.

Reflections on a Sunday

I DID do the half marathon Sunday. I'm glad I did and am looking forward to the next one, whenever that may be.

Good
- my time was better than the last
- I'm not too tired/sore today
- I had fun

Rough
- the course went over the Julia Tuttle Causeway and back. Two LARGE bridges to go over. Each way. Starting at mile 6.
- the monthly visit from "Aunt Flo" started in the middle of the race

After I crossed the finish line, I walked across the street and went to church. My pastor's wife helped be get situated and recover. It was a little rough, I won't lie.

BEST
- While I was listening to Pastor Robert teach, I noticed the couple sitting behind me. I'm not certain, but they appeared homeless - we get many of them from time to time. Remember, South Beach is decadence, disparity and disciples all living together. They were quite dirty and had ragged clothes. I saw a HUGE scab on his arm. It looked like he had burned a peace sign into his forearm. When Robert made a comment in his message about helping the homeless and addicted, she piped up with her approval. During the final moments of the service, Robert asked anyone who didn't know and trust Jesus to come forward and just let Him in. What an amazing moment when the man behind me did. He looked broken and at the end of his rope, but I've been praying for him all week.

Another half

So I was on such a high after finishing the last half marathon, I went ahead and signed up for another one. Which is tomorrow. I had already decided it was a "fast-walk" race since I didn't train well this season due to my summer injury. I felt really good after the last one but didn't train as much as maybe I should have. Still, I finished with a time that was not too much off from previous years. Plus, as I said to 2 teachers who ran it HARD (one half and one full) and then couldn't walk right for a week - "Yeah! That's the difference between you and me. I KNOW I'm not going to win, so I'd rather just finish and be able to teach without pain the next day."

Tomorrow is more of the same, although I've done a lot more distance to get ready. In fact, I walked ALMOST every night this month, at least 3 miles but often more. I've dropped an insignificant amount of weight, but since I've been stalled out for so long, maybe I'm kicking myself off of my plateau.

The funny thing is - when I STARTED this post, I was really not looking forward to tomorrow and was weighing how guilty I would feel about wasting the entry fee if I just slept in and skipped it. 15 minutes later I'm loading up on pasta and getting ready to call it an early evening. The race starts at 6:13. Wish me luck!

Hope deferred

Proverbs 13:12 "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life."



Discuss!

Center of the Track

A friend once said that in life, there is such thing as good times or bad but rather that they co-exist in parallel like train rails and your perspective is dependent on the rail on which you choose to focus.

I've felt times in the past where the train just jumped the track and life was completely out of control.

I think it's more like driving a car. You focus on the center of your line rather than the lane markings.

Right now, it seems as though I'm in Kansas driving west, which in case you didn't realize, is VERY flat and the road and rails are VERY straight. The ride is smooth and automatic. It's almost like driving on cruise control. The problem is that sometimes when you're on auto-pilot, you don't pay attention to the little curves in the road until you suddenly realize you're off-course and then you steer to overcompensate and crash.

Or worse, you hit Colorado and those mountains come at you from out of nowhere.

I'm praying for more Kansas, although if there is an amusement park, I'll stop for a few roller coasters.

Delight/Desire

Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

This was part of my study today and although I've read and heard it so often, I stumbled over it this time.

I'm learning in puppy school (as are the dogs) that when they do what I'm asking, they hear the click and get the reward that they desire. This works much easier when I know they are focused on me and they know that I have the clicker and the treat bag handy. Queso will THROW himself into the "down" position before I even ask, since he knows that's what we're working on this week. That immediate submission only happens with treats in hand, though. I have to reinforce the behavior until they follow the command not because of the reward, but because it is so ingrained in their nature that to not "Sit" when told would seem wrong. If I need them to obey (for their own safety or the welfare of others) and I don't have treats, I need to know they'll do the right thing.

Unfortunately, we often treat God like a vending machine. We misunderstand Psalm 37:4 to me "If I do everything right, He'll give me what I want." I've found that to be a struggle because even when I think I'm following what He wants me to do, there is no clicker and definitely no treat bag. At least, not full of the things I desire.

I have to get to the same point that I want The Pastelitos to be at: complete submission due to ingrained nature, not because of anticipated rewards.

So much for that idea

I thought that I could make it a point to walk at least 3 miles every night for the month of February. I'm doing another half marathon on March 1. I'm still not ready to run full out, but can walk like last week's race. I knew today was going to be tight on time to get it in, but then my right foot/ankle started acting up. While I can't decide if it's swollen or not, I do know for a fact it's throbbing, tingling and at times a bit numb. This makes the second day in a row. Perhaps it's time to buy new shoes to wear at school. Perhaps it's time to call the orthopedic surgeon. It's a parent at school. I have their cell number.....

Choosing your gifts

At church last Sunday, we were in prayer and when I lifted my head, an older man came to me and said "You're going to have a great week. God is telling me that good things are going to happen." I was gracious but skeptical, of course.

Right away, I start imagining what might happen, MY interpretation of what a good week would look like: I meet "the one," my AdvoCare business starts to soar and money starts rolling in, I get an unexpected windfall that will wipe out all of my debt, I'll get a call from the doctor that yes, that extra 40 pounds I'm carrying IS indeed a benign tumor that can easily be removed with no visible scarring, yada yada yada.

It's amazing how when someone tells us they have a gift for us we right away start trying to predict what that might be. Then when we DO receive it, we're often disappointed because it isn't what we'd hoped for. It's a perfectly good gift; it's just not what WE wanted. Sometimes the gift is even BETTER than we could have imagined but we can't see that through our tears of disappointment.

God's gifts are the same. Our prayers are for one thing and He provides us with something else. Ultimately, His gifts are better because His plan is better. I just need to stop making my list and be happy with His.

Truth is, that is MUCH easier said than done.

She didn't "friend" me?!

I know that most if not all of you are on Facebook. I know because you're on my "Friends" list. In spite of being highly addictive, it's such a great way to stay in touch with everyone. Nobody is going to call me (and 231 of their closest "friends") to tell me what the weather is like, what they had for dinner or when school is canceled. It's a big deal to you in the moment, but not something you're going to tell everyone you know. Unless you're on Facebook. Then you do. Weird, isn't it? Still, I think people stay connected through the "little" news so that it's easier to help work through the "big" news.

Found out today that my mom is on Facebook. Found out because she's on my sister's friend list.

I DID send her a friend request. Now the mouse is in her court!

Family Stump

My mother is not the most tech savvy person on the planet. In fact, she's what you call a techno-peasant. She's not afraid of technology like a techno-phobe. She's just not that familiar with anything that has a faster processor than....oh, I don't know, an armadillo perhaps.

So imagine my surprise to a) receive an e-mail from her that b) had a link to a genealogy website that c) she had entered our family tree into.

Too bad that the one piece of information she managed to enter for ME was someone I shared 9 years and a last name with but who was "pruned" from the tree over 10 years ago.

I get that it's family history, but seriously...do we HAVE to go there?

DIVERSIFY!

I read an article in today's local paper that shocked me. There are 3 major family foundations in Miami that lost LARGE quantities of money by investing with Madoff.

What I find most interesting is that one foundation "had $32.3 million -- virtually its entire securities portfolio -- with Madoff at the end of 2007." Another had "about $4.9 million, all but $361,000 of its stock portfolio, with Madoff as of May 31, 2007."

Both families are from our school community and their family foundations have contributed large amounts to our many campaigns. The last donation that comes to mind is the $1 million for our new media center that bears the family name.

I may only have a fraction of that amount in my portfolio, but even I know that you don't put all your eggs in one basket and then let someone else carry the basket for you.

It'll be interesting to see if the school suffers any damage from "unmet" pledges. We've "raised" almost $20 million for our Capital Building Campaign in the last 5 years. The buildings are built; now let's see if they'll be paid for.

Honor Code or Gifted?

Guava doesn't start school until next Thursday. She is everything that will be covered since she's practicing with Queso. I wonder if I can have my dog tested for Gifted. Or I wonder if it's considered an honor code violation, like knowing what's going to be on the "pop" quiz?

Puppy School and the Four legged foodie

Queso started "Puppy School" last night. Guava starts next week on Thursday. I'll be spending 2 nights a week for the next 8 weeks at Petsmart. We got there a bit early and met some of his classmates. There was an adorable 2 month old beagle who, while standing on his hind legs, came up to Queso's eye level. The beagle (Pasquale) kept chewing on Queso's ear and crawling all over him. He didn't do anything back; he just sat gently while the puppy played. He's only 4 months old himself. Now THAT'S a good dog! I get them comment about The Pastelitos all the time; they are really well-behaved and happy dogs. In public. At home, it's another story. Actually, they ARE good dogs but sometimes I forget they are just babies and I have to keep my eyes on them.

The first class is about how to load the clicker, which is what you use to signal "good job" when the dog does something right. To load it, you have to pair the sound with a treat. To demonstrate, the trainer tried to use the beagle: "When Pasquale takes the treat, I click so he knows to associate the clicker with a treat." When she tried, Pasquale was SO not interested in the treat. She moved on to an overly picky-eater Shitzu; same problem. I raised my hand and said, "Queso will eat it." And so he was the star. My dog is a foodie. How appropriate.

Hang With The Happy To Be Happy

Researchers have discovered happiness is not solely dependent upon oneself, but is partly dependent on who we surround ourselves with. Hanging around with happy people as well as having a larger social connection is associated with being happier. It appears that happiness rubs off on others you're around and the more happy people you're around, the more likely you are to be happy and the happier you are. Researchers even went as far as to quantify happiness. According to their statistics, each happy person you have social contact with increases the odds of being happy by 15 percent. On the other hand, for each unhappy person you have social contact with your odds of being happy are reduced by 6 percent. Since happiness is associated with reduced mortality, reduced pain and improved cardiac function, it seems important to surround yourself with happy people!


Author:ChiroPlanet.com
Source:Reuters: December 5, 2008.
Copyright:ProfessionalPlanets.com LLC 2009

What was I thinking?

They've chewed on walls, they've severed a lap cord, they've marked up the new furniture, they force me to get up at 5:30 AM, they cost money, they keep me from leaving for the weekend on a whim, they don't listen.....

They are so cute, they are hilarious when they play, they are sweet when they're tired, they kiss my face, they're excited to see me, they make me want to leave work and go straight home every day.

Perhaps if I'd only gotten one. Perhaps if they weren't going to top out at over 60 pounds. EACH.


Not sure I really thought this one through, but in spite of it all, I think I'm happier with them than without them.

One Place

If you haven't discovered One Place, get there now. (It's ok...click the link. I'll wait here until you get back)
........

SEE?! Isn't it cool? Hindleg shared it with me a few years ago. I was looking for a new "Bible in a Year" reading plan so that's where I start my day now. Plus being able to listen to almost any ministry message at the click of a mouse button makes it a fabulous place to get lost for an hour or so.

Try it!

New Year, New Perspective

I was in Tampa for the All-State Music convention this weekend. I was not in the mood to go, nor did I have to as I had no students participating for the first time in about 12 years. (That's another story). It was nice not having to worry about a student/parent there, so I did plan on attending quite a few clinics. I managed to get to about 6, all of which were really outstanding. I'm feeling ready to get back and roll up my sleeves tomorrow.

The best part was the number of people who kept asking me what I was taking/doing to lose weight/tone up/look younger. No less that 10 people made specific comments (rather than the standard "You look great!") about how I was achieving such great results. What an ego boost. Gotta love AdvoCare! (and YES, I told them all EXACTLY what I was doing! Hope they will all try it soon.)

God said "Make Music"

Psalm 98:4-9 - God said "Make Music"

He surely expects beautiful harmonies to come from instrument and voice. Remember His expectations when the piano is out of tune, the drummer can't keep a beat, the conductor is crazy, everyone else is flat, you have the wrong music and your solo just started without you.

Going manic

This was a conversation between a friend and her grandson, who is 7.

Grandson: "I just need to go manic for a minute."
Grandma: "Well, do it outside."

-------
That made me giggle a lot!

Knuckleheads

I often worry when people go on and on about how much they love their pastor; it sometimes borders on idol worship. It also sets one up for disappointment when the pastors "human-ness" shows through.

That being said - I love the fact that Pastor Robert regularly refers to people as "knuckleheads" in his messages. It just makes me chuckle when he says "knucklehead."

Don't invalidate me

Let me be unhappy, let me FEEL. To do otherwise is to invalidate who I am.

Blood

If blood is thicker than water, how thick is SPIRIT ~ the essence of who you are?

The Bucket List

I have The Bucket List here, ready to watch when I get a chance. I was going to watch it last night, but put in Expelled by mistake. It was way too late and I ended up falling asleep - I'll watch them both later this weekend.

Still - I'm planning on writing my own Bucket List once I'm done with the movie. Have you written yours?

Clean Slate, Clean Plate, Clean Date

The beauty of New Year's Eve is that it feels fresh and new. Everyone walks around thinking "THIS year is going to be different." The funny thing is that most people don't take the steps needed for that difference to actually happen. Change is hard work and all of the wishful thinking in the world isn't going to make a darn bit of difference if you don't put in the effort. It's like Dr. Tim says "It's not what you COULD do or WOULD do that matters, it's what you DO do that counts. You've got to do the DO do."

I hate it when I "should" on myself. Most of the time, I just don't think it through. I end up "shoulding" over something I don't really want in the first place.

My New Years Resolution is to stop "shoulding" and to start "doing the DO do."

MangObama

I took the Pastelitos to The King Mango Strut today. There were tons of people, lots of loud noises and many new smells. They got lots of attention since everyone who sees them has to stop and tell me how adorable they are. They behaved like champs, even going to sleep amidst all of the noise.

Pardon me, but you're standing on my tail

Last night, I went to a game night with friends. I took The Pastelitos along (with permission first, of course) because I've read that exposing puppies to as many different people and situations as possible before they are 16 weeks old makes them very well socialized. They are 15 weeks old today.

There was also a 10 month old baby there. I was a little worried that they would want to play too roughly, but they behaved wonderfully. At one point, they were both asleep in the middle of the floor and the baby was crawling all around them. All of a sudden, Queso lifted up his head and looked at the baby with a bit of concern. I looked down and saw that the baby was STANDING on Queso's tail. He didn't yelp, he didn't nip, he didn't even whine. When the baby got off of his tail, he went right back to sleep.

I've got the best Pastelitos in the world!

America Alone

I've done quite a bit of reading over the last months. Library cards are AWESOME! I just realized that I didn't post information about America Alone by Mark Steyn. I have quoted the premise of this book to so many people in the last few months that I need to put it here. I highly recommend it!

On my own time

One of the opening illustrations that Stephen Covey uses in his GREAT book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People is that we would all be happier if time would just stand still for awhile so we can manage all of our tasks on our own time schedule. Imagine picking up task and being able to respond to it from start to finish without the pressing needs of everything else in your world.

That's what winter break is for - my days now consist of picking up one thing at a time (e-mail, chore, project, whatever) and spending as much time as needed on it until I can cross it off of my list FOREVER!

For the larger tasks, I set the timer for on hour. When the bell rings, I pack it up and table it for another time. When I think of something else to do, I add it to the list. (Lists are a great friend; electronic lists on my PDA are the greatest friend in the world!)

My goal is to get all of those "New Years Resolutions" about finishing projects done before New Years. Wish me luck!

Christmas Recovery

I'm feeling the benefits of staying home for Christmas: I'm not in "recovery" mode! I did get to see friends and family in Chicago the weekend before, but was home in time for Christmas Eve service at church. Christmas Day brought lots of quiet time, reading and reflection, doggy playtime and phone call greetings. It was a lot less stressful and I can feel how much more relaxed I am in the days following. I'm actually looking forward to another week of vacation time and have lots of projects/goals to catch up on with all of my free time!

The Next Mozart

I've decided to clean out my e-mail files and found a cool video from a long time ago. Unfortunately, I can't upload it, but here's a weblink showing you this little musical genius! Enjoy!

This time was different

An entry in the journal of the 7th grade Dean:

Dean: Jonathan, Mrs. Gonzalez said that you were throwing a paper airplane in class on Monday and that she asked you to stop.

Jonathan: Yes, I know.

Dean: And she wrote you up on Tuesday for throwing a paper airplane in class again

Jonathan: Yes, I know but I threw it for a different reason this time.

A Very Pez Nativity

Heard at the dog park

"WOW! Look at the size of those paws!"
"They are going to be HUGE!"
"You have TWO of them?!"
"You're going to have your hands full!"
"They are SOOOOO cute!"

Your Brain on Music

I just finished "reading" This Is Your Brain on Music by Daniel Levitin. I use the word reading loosely because it is a very scientific book with lots of big words and not very many illustrative stories. My attention span couldn't take it - oh, look! A chicken!

There were TWO good quotable spots in the book, however.

1. on page 132, he discusses memory retrieval and perceptual completion, or how we often "fill in the blanks" of memories with gaps. He uses the retelling of a dream and how the transitions between parts of the dream are not always clear and that we can't help but fill them in. That isn't the cool part; the example of the dream he gives is: "I was standing on the top of of a ladder outside listening to a Sibelius concert, and the sky was raining Pez candy..."

(Do I need to go on?)

2. on page 230, he discusses Raffi, Barney, and tic-tac-toe. "When music is too predictable, the outcome too certain...we find the music unchallenging and simplistic."

To illustrate: "Suppose you're hitchhiking....you may be willing to tolerate a few shortcuts, especially if the driver is friendly, believable and up-front about what he's doing. (If not), your sense of safety is sure to be violated. Some react with sheer panic ("That Stravinsky is going to kill me!") and some react with a sense of adventure...("Coltrane is doing something weird here, but what the hell, it won't hurt me to stick around awhile longer, I can take care of my harmonic self and find my way back to musical reality if I have to.")

Now THAT'S funny!

Things heard around the house today

1. No!
2. Electric cords are not a chew toy!
3. NO!
4. My shoes are not a chew toy!
5. NO!
6. Furniture is not a chew toy!
7. NO!
8. I am not a chew toy!
9. NO!
10. Good dog!

Whatever you ask for.....

If any of you out there really want something, just tell me. I'll pray for God to give it to ME, and then YOU'LL have it in no time. That's kind of the deal He and I have. Put your requests in NOW so you'll get your heart's desire by the holidays!

Who's training whom?

Guava and Queso are 9 weeks today and growing FAST. They got their shots a week ago, and they had both doubled their weight in the 2 1/2 weeks I've had them. I started crating them separately at night last week, and yesterday I separated the crates. Last night was whiny, but tonight, they are doing better. I took them both into the pool briefly today - didn't think THAT one through! It was all good until they got out and decided to roll and play in the dirt. THEN I had to give them both a bath, which involved me getting into the tub to calm them down. They were pretty mad at me afterwards, but by dinner, all was well. After dinner, I took them out to the backyard one at a time and worked on some commands. As long as they are alone and I have food in my hand, they can come, sit and lay down. We're working on "stay" next. Can't wait for you to meet them!

Training

Training 1 puppy = hard work
Training 2 puppies simultaneously = insanity

Training 1 human = piece of cake. Signed, the puppies.

The Butcher AND the Baker

In case you get bored, this might come in handy.

When push comes to shove, it's not how it looks as much as how it tastes. OK, it's a LITTLE bit about how it looks.

Don't let their names fool you!

They may be named after my favorite pastelitos, but they are far from sweet and flaky. Just kidding - they are BEYOND cute, especially when they try to tackle each other. They are 6 weeks old today!

Meet Queso

Meet Guava

Maybe he doesn't like bacon

I saw this headline the other day and simply laughed out loud. Try using this excuse to your pastor as a reason you missed church.

Homeless in Miami

I was in the car with my new housemates (tenants sounds so formal) as we were returning from a Bible study cook-out. We passed a man begging on the street and talked about times we've encountered other homeless beggars and offered them food, not money. Sometimes they are grateful for the food. Sometimes they want the money.

They told me two stories that were sad but still a bit funny:

1. They met a man who claimed he was hungry and hadn't eaten all day. They offered to take him to McDonald's or the local pizza joint and buy him a meal. He told them he would rather have sushi at the high-priced joint down the street.

2. There is a restaurant on that same street that gives away all their leftover food at the end of the night. It will even "make to order." There is a woman who goes there every night and is very specific about what she wants: "I'll have the pasta alfredo with chicken, but hold the garlic."

ONLY in Miami!

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts

Here's an e-mail exchange between Techno-Chick and myself from last night:

On Oct 18, 2008, at 7:59 PM, Techno-Chick wrote:

Techno-Chick:
Paula Deen just made this. It's made from coconut and covered in chocolate, so naturally I thought of you.


Bing:
BEYOND EXCITED! Just watched some youtube videos on husking coconuts. I can now do it quite easily! No tools needed.

What form do you want your coconut in at WIBC?


Techno-Chick:
Hmmm... I'm sure coconut ice cream or piña coladas won't meet the FAA's restrictions for what you can take on the plane. What are my other options?

Bing:
Ahhhh....but if I bring you fresh coconut MEAT, you can make your OWN coconut ice cream or pina coladas.


Techno-Chick
Mmmmmmm! FRESH MEAT!

Bing:
We're still talking about coconut, right?

Is there a doctor in the house?

Last night, I spoke to a parent who started the conversation with "Did he tell you what happened to his horn?" That's never a good sign.

Seems as if little Bradley was playing his French horn at home and something sounded/felt weird. Somehow it was determined that PERHAPS a marble had become lodged in the instrument.

Mom is a doctor, so she took it to work. A gastroenterologist there used a pediatric endoscope to determine that YES indeed, there was a marble in the horn. A red marble to be exact.

After some professional discussion, a tech at the office thought it might be a good idea to use compressed air sent through the mouthpiece to try and dislodge the offending orb.

No injuries were reported as the marble shot out the bell and across the room.

6th grade Fashion Sense

Punchline set up #1: Today was a dress-down at school. Kids could wear something OTHER than school uniforms if they paid $5 for a charity that we support. The teachers enjoy this as well, as we can dress down as well. It doesn't take much to make us happy. Wearing jeans to work once in a while makes me happy.

Punchline set up #2: My students are now all well-versed in my Pez addiction. I've been receiving new items for the collection on a weekly basis.

And the finish.....a conversation with a 6th grader today:
Student: You have a Pez shirt? (note the question mark at the end of that phrase)
Me: (perplexed): Why yes. I do!
(I was wearing it at the time)

I'm bleeding on the inside

This was an actual conversation in my classroom yesterday:

Student: Can I please call my mom?
Teacher: Is it an emergency?
Student: yes
Teacher: what is the emergency?
Student: I was supposed to get my average sheet for science signed and I forgot.
Teacher: Go look up "emergency" in the dictionary. If you were having trouble breathing, were bleeding profusely or losing large quantities of other types of bodily fluids uncontrollably, THAT would be an emergency. And then we call 911.
Student: I'm bleeding on the inside. My heart is hurt because I forgot.

Jesus on the Beach

My church had a 15th anniversary celebration yesterday. It's situated right in the heart of South Beach, probably one of the most "unchurched" areas of Miami, which is the 2nd most "unchurched" city in America.

We met at the Lincoln Theatre, where the New World Symphony performs. It holds about 700 people and was PACKED. It was amazing to feel the spirit at work.

I ponder what Pastor Robert said about people who have trouble being Christians in their day to day life, about having to "put their faith on" in the secular world. His response was "Don't put it on. Just don't take it off!" So true, so true.

We had a guest pastor actually teach. Robert wanted this event to be an evangelical outreach and he felt Pastor Pedro is a much more gifted speaker and would be more effective at harvesting what the church has planted. (I have to admire Robert for being able to hand over the microphone at such a time; his humility is a great model.) Pedro brought the house down while talking about the troubled times we live in and the uncertainty of our country's financial future. His response - "Jesus is my bailout plan." What an awesome statement!

Robert sent an e-mail today and there was one section that I thought summed it up:
"It was also a special night because of all the family who returned to celebrate the milestone with us! ..............But one of the real highlights for me was to see Bob. Bob was homeless when we met him 14 years ago on Lincoln Road. God moved radically in his life here at CCMB and for the past 10+ years Bob has been living in Ft. Lauderdale with his wife in the house they bought together, and attending CC Ft. Lauderdale.

Bob is a reminder that, as you've all heard me say before, Jesus would gladly spend my entire (and yours) life to rescue one man from eternal separation from God. If it cost me everything and took all my days and all my strength in order for Bob to be rescued from the wrath to come, Jesus would have considered that "wise stewardship of His resources". Thanks for coming last night Bob."

Robert used that same comment that "Jesus would spend my life to rescue you." in a sermon a few months ago, and that stuck with me. My life is not my own to spend. Jesus is spending it for me.

How awesome is that!

The Wisdom of Enzo

I just finished reading "The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein. It is definitely one of the most amazing books I've ever read, about a dog named Enzo and his car-racing owner Denny and their life together. I have sobbed heavy tears for the past 24 hours since finishing it. Why can't we all be like dogs?

Both Denny and Enzo often say that "The car goes where the eye goes." While they were specifically talking about car-racing, it struck me in church that it applies in all aspects of our lives, especially when following Jesus. Our lives go where our hearts and minds go and if they aren't on Him, we are going to fly off track.

Seriously - read this book.

Sheila says....

from Jimmy Buffet's "Don't Stop the Carnival"....

Sheila says the heart is just a muscle
Sheila says the heart is cooled by time
Hiding out for years down in these trade winds
In the land of coconuts and limes

I've played this game for too long
My life's just one same old song
Now marooned for a time on this island
I go into and out of the fog
and that's why I live with my dog

Men, oh men, oh men, I've known too many
deceivers cloaked in clumsy vanity
What men lack in love and understanding
they make up in stupidity

But now and then one comes along
and lights up my world like a song
I am tempted to unleash my interest
Yet I put it to you, man's best friend
There's just one sad old way it can end

We have our faults
but men have only two
all that they say
all that they do.

You're a joy and a friend and a guardian
Never bored with my sad monologue
You're better off with a dog

Through with rehab

I ended my self-imposed 3 year electronic detox today - I got cable/internet at home again. I have new tenants who moved into the back apartment (that's another long story that will have to wait) and they really needed Internet for work (or addiction) so I agreed. I had to get a $5/month cable package to get the $20/month Internet, but my tv is so old, I can only get two channels. There's no way to program the tv to accept the cable directly, so I either need a cable box or a new tv.

I'll just add that to the list of other things that don't work around this house lately!