Wednesday, December 27, 2006

My own private Everest

It snowed 4 feet on the mountain last night, so there was LOTS of fresh powder this morning. On the first run of the day, I followed Heide (the mother of Nani, the student who invited me out) through a deep run, in between the trees. I forgot to mention - Heide runs LOTS of marathons, skis a TON and is extremely fit.

So I followed and did well for a bit, but then crashed out. It was a VERY soft landing, but then I couldn't quite get my board turned over so that I could stand up again. I can only seem to manage from a face-down position - my arms are DYING from doing push-ups! So there I am, lying in the snow, feeling like Ralphie's little brother Randy in "A Christmas Story." Remember? He was all bundled up like a tick and then got knocked over as he was walking to school. He couldn't get up and just rolled around in the snow until his brother came to his rescue.

Only problem was, by that point I was alone. NOBODY around, and I'm stuck in the snow. At one point, my board jammed in the snow (which was very wet and sticky) about 6 inches and I had to take it off just to get it out. Then I sank up to my thighs in the powder and had to spend A LONG time trying to walk out of the situation. It was very tiring, and quite comical. Needless to say, I was spent when I finally got out and made the run down the mountain. I keep referring to the episode as "My own private Everest."

Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Merry Christmas from Wyoming

(picture to follow later)

Arrived in Jackson Hole last night. I managed to skip the Dallas segment and flew stand-by straight to Wyoming with the family I'm staying with, so we all went to a prime rib dinner at their friends for Christmas. It's 7:45 AM, and I just ran a few miles. I understand the moose are out, but it was too dark for me to see! Snowboarding today; pray that I don't hurt myself. I'll let you know how it goes.

Stay warm!

Saturday, December 23, 2006

HOLD EVERYTHING!

I charted today's run here. Although it doesn't show the actual bike/run path, I went from the Congress Hotel across from Grant Park all the way up Lake Shore Drive (with a run to the end of Navy Pier and back as well) to the Fullerton exit, and then back again. It says the total mileage was 11.79 miles. I also used two other methods of estimating. One came in at 10.3 miles, the other 10.28. Would it be fair of me to say I ran 10.79, since that's the average of the 3?

And can I round it up to 11? PLEASE?!!

Running Cross-Country

In case you are keeping track (or care), here are some interesting points about my training:

Sept. 22 - 4 miles in Orlando
Sept. 29 - 5 miles in Miami
Oct. 6 - 6 miles in Cherry Valley, IL
Oct. 21 - 7 miles in Orlando
BLAH BLAH BLAH due to injury
Nov. 18 - 7 miles in Seattle
Nov. 24 - 6 miles in Ve-GASS
Dec. 1 - 8 miles in Orlando
Dec. 9 - 10 miles in Miami
Dec. 16 - 7 miles in Miami
Dec. 23 - 8 miles in Chicago today (I think. My pedometer seemed a little off. I'll have to check the distance online.)

I was supposed to do 10 today, so I'm a little mad.

I'll have to do a short run in Jackson Hole, Wyoming this week, just to add to the list. Then 10 in Orlando for New Years, 11 in Miami, 12 in Tampa and then a short 7 in Miami. The marathon (13.1) is on Jan. 28th....I'm starting to doubt whether I'll make it! Keep sending good thoughts and prayers.

Friday, December 22, 2006

The Whirlwind Tour/Bad Travel Mojo

So I started my annual Christmas break tour. Some of my close friends laugh at the fact that I log more flights in the 2 week break from school than most of them do in an entire year. Of course, my married friends all say "You know, you can do that because you're single. If you were married and had a family, you wouldn't be able to." No freakin' kidding! And I'd trade it in a heartbeat if I could only find the right person. But I can't, so "stop hatin' and start celebratin' " That's what I'M sayin!

Anyway, this jaunt did NOT start well. The bad travel mojo is in high gear. My flight from Miami to Chicago was 4 hours late and then some lady fell getting off the train to downtown and we had to wait for someone to come and help her out. I missed a short meeting in Chicago AND the annual OPEN BAR at the convention hotel watering hole. DANG! (about the bar, NOT the meeting)

This year the convention is falling WAY too close to Christmas and it's very subdued. So much for 14,000 drunk band directors running around downtown. This year it's more like 100 or so mildly intoxicated ones. Which is probably a good thing. Makes it easier for me to behave. This place can be QUITE the hook-up if you are so connected AND inclined. I'm quite connected but not inclined. I actually called a friend of mine a "man whore" tonight because he was batting in my direction (he didn't make contact, so I don't call it hitting") while telling me of the previous night's escapades with woman from Denmark. He even had some of those cheesy photos booth pictures as proof.

Sorry, buddy....I'm not into "sloppy seconds". Better luck next year.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

It's official...sex is good for you!

Read THIStoday....Unfortunately, it doesn't apply to ME!

"I say it sucka, sucka, sucka, sucka, SUCK! It sucks to be me!"

Monday, December 18, 2006

All I want for Christmas is...poll results

All I want for Christmas is...

World Peace 0% 0 votes
a winning lottery ticket 25% 1 vote
a date for Friday night 25% 1 vote
a day inserted betwen Saturday and Sunday 25% 1 vote
a squillion frequent flier miles so I could escape to Borneo 25% 1 vote

4 votes total

YOUR week must have been as busy as MINE!

Thank You note to a student

Dear MJ,

Thanks so much for the homemade chocolate cake. It's currently sitting on my desk, calling my name. I plan to put it out of its misery after school today. Enjoy your vacation!

Love,
your teacher

Thursday, December 14, 2006

Homeroom humor

Amazingly enough, in only 10 minutes during homeroom today, there was enough exciting dialogue to last me a week.

First, there were a group of students studying for a science test on the human skeleton. Their passionate discussions on pivot vs. hinge joints was completely lost on me; I remember knowing that once, but I've cleared my brain for more important information, such as "When is the next Pez set of characters being released?"

Then, some of the boys (7th grade, of course) were discussing the pros and cons (mostly cons) of playing unconventional playground games, such as "Coconut" dodge ball (coconuts hurt more than regular playground balls when they hit you in the head) and "Roman candle" tag (burn concerns are obvious.)

Add to that, one of the students (whom I frequent look at at scream "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!) decided to poke everyone and yell "Sputnik" in a high-pitched squeak reminiscent of someone who's been inhaling helium.

BUT...the highlight was when one of the students told me she couldn't find her pants. She left school wearing them, but she wasn't wearing them in homeroom and can't remember when she took them off.

That whole conversation doesn't transcribe well.

Christmas hints

I received this from a friend today and read it whilst I was eating a small gift box of maple coated walnuts for breakfast. I think I'm on track.

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact,
if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than
single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother?
It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a
Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have
nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a
10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size
of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and
one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying
attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming,

"WOO HOO what a ride!"

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Another good poll week....

Last week's results....
-------------------
What's your favorite Christmas Carol?

Silent Night 21% 3 votes
Do You Hear What I Hear? 14% 2 votes
O Holy Night 29% 4 votes
We Three Kings 0% 0 votes
What do you mean, a favorite? How can ANYBODY pick just one?! 36% 5 votes

14 votes total

Fa la la la la, la freakin' la......

My week at a glance.....

This comes from an e-mail I just sent: I thought the writing too good not to share.
-------------------------
Beginning Band WORLD premiere performance on Friday afternoon; I don't if the world is ready. There is just nothing quite like the sound of an exhuberant young saxophonist on his first gig! I've actually considered "accidentally" breaking a few reeds or otherwise disabling a few instruments a few seconds before the downbeat, but alas, I must protect the integrity of the psyche of my young charges. I guess that means passing out earplugs at the door is not an option, either.

Community Band rehearsal last night - we have a concert next Tuesday. We seem to be playing every Christmas carol ever written, most of which are in one VERY long medley. The trumpets really seem to love this piece. I sit in front of them. It's very loud. And not in tune. Not even close.

Running - uh, yea....that's kind a problem. My LEFT calf is now healed, but my RIGHT shin is KILLING me. I'm afraid to go to the doctor, because I'm afraid he'll tell me A) stop running and B) no snowboarding over vacation. So I'll just play the ostrich and bury my head in the sand.

How's life in your world?

Monday, December 11, 2006

What I learned in school today

Never shake a drink bottle full of Crystal Light if the flip top is open, ESPECIALLY if you are standing over your open laptop.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Prayer request

Dear Friends,

As most of you are aware, I'm in training to run the Miami Half-Marathon on Sunday, January 28. This is my first-ever attempt at any such craziness and in spite of myself, things are going pretty well. The wildest part of it is that I'm actually ENJOYING it; I get kind of cranky if I don't get to run on schedule.

As I move in to the final weeks of training, I know that things are going to get tougher. I've been building up my distance every week but with the holidays coming, I'm a little bit nervous about getting those long runs in on the weekend. I need your help for motivation and I have 2 requests:

1. I've been listening to Praise/Worship music during my runs, trying to have some "God" time while on the road. You know me - always multi-tasking! I've been dealing with some pretty heavy issues in my life in recent months. As I move into the holiday season, I can almost feel myself going on my annual trip down the rabbit hole of self-doubt, loneliness and fear as I face the uncertainties of the New Year. As I run, I feel myself in constant prayer and things always look better.

My request: Send me your favorite Praise/Worship tune. As I listen to it, I will think of you and pray for you, as I hope you will pray for me as well.

2. It seems that God is working in my life as I deal with some childhood memories. As I process some events and share with those closest to me, I am realizing that MANY people that I'm coming in contact with have some similar scars. While I've made great strides in healing, it hurts so much to know that there are others who have just begun their journey or worse, innocent children who will be someday wounded in the same way. Therefore, I've decided to run for them, my own "unofficial" charity. The organization is "Darkness to Light" and it deals with confronting childhood sexual abuse.

My request: I'm running 13.1 miles. Please consider donating $13.10 towards this organization as I run; you can donate directly to them via their website, or you can send me a check and I'll make one large donation. If you donate directly to them please just let me know. I'd like to know if I made any difference. If you want to let me know but wish to remain anonymous, you can post a note here on The Bing Blog. I'll be posting this letter there as well.

Thanks for reading, and wish me luck,

Bing

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Love me slender

Hershey to Honor Elvis With Banana Reese's Peanut Butter Cup
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
By Andy Geller

Love me slender: Candy fans are all shook up over plans by Hershey (HSY) to sell a peanut butter and banana crème version of its Reese's cup to honor The King.

The King, as in Elvis Presley.

Elvis' favorite sandwich was fried peanut butter and banana - sometimes with honey or slices of bacon added.

So in July, to mark the 30th anniversary of the rock legend's death, Hershey will introduce a limited edition of its chocolate cup featuring a layer of peanut butter and a layer of banana crème.

Heartburn hotel, you say? Perhaps, but Hershey insists that retailers are very excited about it.

"It brings The King's favorite taste of peanut butter and banana to life, and it's a fantastic way to bring two American icons together," said company spokeswoman Stephanie Moritz.

The Reese's Elvis Cup, first reported by Advertising Age, will have a picture of a young, thin Presley on the package. It will hit store shelves in time for Elvis Week in Memphis, to be held from Aug. 11 to 19.

Lifting up a tab on the wrapper will give buyers a chance to win a trip for two to Graceland, the Presley mansion in Memphis.

I'm a MONKEY!

The kids are doing a multi-cultural study in the Chinese portion of their FLEX (Foreign Language Exploratory) class. They are carrying around a list of the Chinese animals that correspond with your birth year, thus determining your personality for life! Having been born in 1968, I am a Monkey: extremely intelligent, diplomatic, tactful, clever, makes good friends, can sometimes be deceiving.

That last one is interesting, because while I was in Vegas, the monkeys stole my money!

Flingin' Fluids

I got to spend some "bonding" time with Mer on Friday. TOTALLY cool. We're all excited because she's been invited to sing with the San Fran opera and premiere a new work. I'm already looking at flights.

Anyway, she came to Miami a few weeks ago to audition for the Florida Grand Opera. We decided that if they don't hire her, we will spray paint their building. (JUST kidding. Don't call the cops. SHEESH!) Anyway, last night I was running past their building and decided it would be funnier (and actually kind of gross) to spit on their sidewalk instead. Then in a stroke of absolute middle school mentality, I wiped a goober on their wall and laughed hysterically.

Mer called last night to say that Florida Grand hasn't called anyone yet. They haven't finished auditions.

I hope I haven't given her bad opera mojo.

Monday, December 04, 2006

What a day!

This is a rutabaga.







This was my day.






Any questions?

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Uhhh....Santa? A Little Help here!

This week's poll results:

IF you were to buy Bing a Christmas present, you would shop at:
www.burlingamepezmuseum.com 60% 3 votes
www.apple.com 0% 0 votes
www.homedepot.com 0% 0 votes
www.target.com 0% 0 votes
www.anyoftheabove.com 40% 2 votes

5 votes total
------------
Considering I voted TWICE myself, it looks like my Christmas tree is going to very bare this year. But actually, I'm not putting one up this year. I won't be here for much of December, so it really doesn't matter.

Not your every day road debris...

CHESAPEAKE, Va. — A tractor-trailer filled with peanut butter and jelly crashed on an off-ramp of Interstate 664 Saturday causing a sticky mess that kept the roadway closed for five hours, the Virginian-Pilot reported.

The driver of the tractor-trailer filled with packets of peanut butter and jellies was charged with reckless driving after his truck lost control around 11:50 a.m. as it tried to exit onto U.S. 58, the paper said.

"Your hands were just covered with jelly," Sgt. C.J. Plaza of the Virginia State Police told the paper. "I had grape, apple, peach preserve, raspberry, strawberry."

It took 10 workers more than five hours to clean up the mess, the paper said.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Running update

Marathon news: did 7 miles in Seattle, then 4 in Vegas, then 8+ when I got home Saturday, plus 4 on Monday. That last one was a bit rough. Tonight I'm going to do 4, and I need to find time to do 8 while I'm in Orlando this weekend. Then I'll be back on track with my training group. Not bad considering I had to take 2 weeks off for my calf. Bought new shoes. That helped a lot!

Airport signs and "Brunch for Lunch"


When we got to Vegas on Tuesday night, D was there to meet us at the airport. We were expecting him to just pull up to the curb, but instead, he was hiding behind this sign! Too funny. It's now hanging above my desk for those tough days when I need a good chuckle!

Yesterday at school, we had "brunch for lunch" and we ALL know what that means, right?!

Bacon, indeed!

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

The dog stopped hiding!

From a parent:

"I am so glad all the playing/practice he does is paying off. I can tell he's improving because I can finally recognize songs and the dogs have stopped hiding when he plays. He was so excited about being a leader, he made me sit and listen to everything he was going to play (like 20 minutes of songs..it seemed like almost everyone in the book, my smile was a little frozen by the end"
-------
I LOVE my job!

Monday, November 27, 2006

How many more shopping days?

Latest poll results;
-------------------
When do you START your holiday shopping?

The day after Thanksgiving - it's tradition! 0% 0 votes
December 1st. I can't THINK of the holidays until I see it on the calendar! 14% 1 vote
December 24th. Nothing like that last minute rush! 14% 1 vote
December 25th, 8 AM, any participating 7-11 0% 0 votes
December 26th. That's when everything is on sale! 0% 0 votes
I shop all year. It's more fun that way! 71% 5 votes
7 votes total
-------------------

I guess that means that most of you are almost done, but in case you haven't got a gift for ME yet, check this week's poll for ideas!

It's the thought that counts!

Sunday, November 26, 2006

What happens in Vegas....

We're back! We had a BLAST in Vegas for Thanksgiving. Saw 3 Cirque shows (Mystere, Le Reve and Love) for the price of 2. D and V got to meet my adopted Jewish mother, who (and I quote) "Hates Hoover Dam." I, on the other hand, am now the Dam princess 2006. Had a parade and everything. I rode on the back of the rented convertible, waving at everyone and shouthing "Enjoy your Dam Day!" Unfortunately, my tiara was stolen by the airline baggage handlers, so the effect was lost.

I also learned that you should NEVER play the slots that have animal themes: The monkeys ate my money!

I will be giving more details on the trip later in the week and will be opening it up to guest spot blogs by the dynamic duo travel companions. As for now, there is laundry to do, a house to clean and tons of things to catch up on.

Monday, November 20, 2006

You'll Never Walk Alone!

So there's a tradition at this convention that is absolutely the coolest thing ever (if you're a band dork). There are 4 honor bands and we end with 2 concerts, each with 2 of the bands. At the end of each concert, the two bands combine to play "You'll Never Walk Alone" from Rogers/Hammerstein's "Carousel." The seniors all stand and we sing to them:

When you walk through a storm
hold your head up high
and don't be afraid the dark.

At the end of the storm
is a golden sky
and the sweet, silver song of a lark.

Walk on through the wind;
walk on through the rain
though your dreams be tossed and blown.

Walk on, walk on
with hope in your heart
and you'll never walk alone.

You'll never walk alone.

-----------------
I pretty much bawl like a baby every freakin' year!

Say "Goodnight," Boys!

I'm still in Seattle working at the biggest gathering of band dorks in the world (me included!). We had 2 fabulous concerts last night; one was by a Japanese High School band, the other by a professional brass quintet. The 2 performances were quite different and so the balance of the evening was perfect.

After the 2nd concert, most of the staff and the brass quintet went to the hotel bar for a tasty beverage (or two). I think there is a rule somewhere that where there are professional brass musicians, truly tasteless joke and all-around fun must follow. But there is also some unwritten rule that traveling brass musicians are "horn dogs" in the truest sense of the word. Let's just say that the night ended by two of them making sure I found my way back to my hotel room. They were a little disturbed that I wouldn't actually let them IN! In fact, they were SO confused that they called my room a few minutes later to make SURE I didn't want company.

I guess the bright side is, I COULD have been a contender. I just have morals. Hard to believe, I know!

Saturday, November 18, 2006

It's nice to be wanted!

I'm in Seattle with some of my favorite people. Yesterday was a busy day, but it started off REALLY well! I got up early (since I'm now 3 time zones later than I'm used to) and ran 7 miles through the neighborhood by the hotel. I had a great view of the mountains and other than getting chased by a pack of wild dogs (OK, they were 12 week old Retriever puppies who thought I wanted to play) the run was good. I bought new shoes before I left Miami, and that seemed to help my sore calf issue. I had my headphones on and was listening to some of my favorite worship music. It started with P's high school choir singing "Now is the Time to Worship." He's here in Seattle with me, so it made me smile. When I got back, I had a message waiting from T: "Good morning, princess! Come join P and me for breakfast." Another big smile; I love these guys! Then I get a text from D, who's already in Vegas: "Having my first margarita. Hurry up and get here!"

It's so nice to be wanted!

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Let's play "Top That"

In response to yesterday's "Heard in the classroom" post, I received this from my buddy B in CA

---------------
So we're working on a new production of "Velveteen Rabbit" with my symphonic band and the musical theatre class. My two best trumpets are both characters on stage, however there is a tasty solo in the third number they both want. They are going to challenge for the right to play the solo from the stage, in character. I said to the third chair player that she should also learn the solo just in case. "Just in case of what?" she asked. "Just in case they both get whacked before the show performs" I replied, sorta snidely. "What kind of show is this?!?" she asked with alarm, to which the oboe player chimes in, "The kind wher you bring blow darts so that you get the solo, dummy..."

Somedays I really love my kids!

Be well,
B.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Heard in the classroom....

Heard in Homeroom today: (names have been changed to protect the silly little fools!)

Me: Hey! Karen! Why are you slapping Jon like that?
Karen: I'm trying to slap the stupid out of him.

(I haven't laughed that hard in a LONG time!)

---------------------
Heard in the Bandroom today:
Me: Hey, gang! You need to tap your foot when you play so you can feel the subdivision of the eighth notes when your foot goes up and down.
Little Petey: My feet don't reach the floor!

(What's sad is that it's true. And he's in 7th grade!)
---------------------

Monday, November 13, 2006

A Big Shout-Out!

A few weeks ago, there was a flurry of activity around the Bing Blog Poll. Seems that S's "Invisible Friends" over at www.theknot.com were encouraged to vote early and often! I don't even know these people and they all want to go on vacation with me. could it be my offer to pay? Or just that I am SO WAY COOL that everyone wants to know me? Didn't think so.

"MUST SEE" NYC!

Last week's poll results.........
------------------------
Which shows should be "MUST SEE" entries for Bing's New York tour?
Wicked! 5 votes
Chorus Line 1 vote
Avenue Q 10% 1 vote
Spamalot 10% 1 vote
all of the above 2 votes
10 votes total
------------------------
NOT part of the poll...FPCO Choir performance at Carnegie Hall in April. Tia and I are organizing the fan bus. Sign up now!

May I have the Ultrasound please?

In the infamous words of my Christian Freak Friend, who is growing a freakish alien inside of her at the moment:

"It's a frickin' GIRL! We thought it was a boy this whole time. We're adjusting."

I'm saving the voice mail for when the child turns 16 and needs ammunition. She won't need much; have you MET her mother?

Please send contributions to the child's future therapy needs via this blog.

7th graders and spam

A letter from Dean Bing:

To my darling 7th grade students,

As your Dean, it has been brought to my attention that some of you are forwarding a a chain letter entitled "Cute." Let me point out a few things to you:
1. This is called "spamming" which is a direct violation of our school's computer use agreement. If you are found spamming, you face a one week computer suspension.
2. You will NOT get kissed on Friday by the love of your life because you opened this chain letter. You're 12 years old; you haven't even begun to live, let alone love.
3. Your crush will NOT ask you out if you don't break the chain; Your crush is ALSO 12 years old and has not yet learned how to navigate romantic relationships. Many 40 year olds are still working through this and it has nothing to do with broken chain letters.
4. You will NOT have bad luck for the rest of your life if you don't forward the chain to at least 10 people by midnight. You'll have bad luck from the Dean if you do. Which is worse? I thought so!

Get back to work!
Love,
Dean Bing

Friday, November 10, 2006

For Pet Lovers everywhere



Got this today....if you knew my animals, you'd know it's true!
---------------------
Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary:
8:00 am Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm Wow! Watched TV with my master! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
---
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary:
Day 683 of my captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the floor.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. The audacity!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released --and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded! The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly.

I am certain that he reports my every move. The captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe......... for now....

Wednesday, November 08, 2006

What's happening...

Here's a list of fun things that are happening in November:

National Impotency Month
V's birthday - Nov. 23
National Peanut Butter Lovers Month
V's birthday - Nov. 23
National Pomegranate Month
V's birthday - Nov. 23
Pursuit of Happiness - Nov. 8 - 14
V's birthday - Nov. 23
National Game and Puzzle Week - Nov. 19-25
V's birthday - Nov. 23
Loosen Up, Lighten Up Day - Nov. 14
V's birthday - Nov. 23

Monday, November 06, 2006

Computers and the Senile

Here’s a story you’ll appreciate. I heard it at lunch today. Our PE teacher had to go to Naples with her husband because his mother couldn’t access any of her on-line bank accounts and couldn’t pay her bills. They went over to try and help her out. When they got there, they realized that she didn’t have the “Number Lock” on for her keyboard. That fixed it, but she’d tried to log in so many times with the number lock OFF that all of the on-line services locked her out. They had to call every bank to reset her passwords.

LAME! This week's poll results....

OK, so evidently all of you were off at NATO conference or World Summits or something infinitely more important than voting in the weekly blog poll. Here are the results of last week's poll....
---------------------------
Let's go to Vegas

Votes
February 23-25 0% 0
March 16-18 100% 1 vote
April 13-15 (GET YOUR TAXES DONE EARLY!) 0% 0
May 18-20 0% 0
June 8-10 0% 0

1 votes total
------------------------
Guess who that ONE vote was from? I'll give you a hint: it wasn't any of you! Let's try a little harder next week, shall we?

Dear Lord, I am thankful


THAT WE'RE GOING TO LAS VEGAS FOR THANKSGIVING! and for V's birthday. But it's really about 75% Vegas and 25% her birthday. Cuz we're there for 4 days, and her birthday is only 1 of those days. But she wants a 45/55 split in her favor. Doesn't matter. You know why? We're going to


VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS
VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS
VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS
VEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS VEGAS VEGAS VEGASVEGAS


PS: On MY computer, this spells out "Vegas"...formatting is off here. Not quite the same effect!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

"Senior" personal ads

Some "Senior" personal ads seen in Florida newspapers:
(Who says seniors don't have a sense of humor?)
===============
FOXY LADY:
Sexy, fashion-conscious blue-haired beauty, 80's, slim, 5'4" (used to be 5'6"), searching for sharp-looking, sharp-dressing companion. Matching white shoes and belt a plus.
=======================
LONG-TERM COMMITMENT:
Recent widow who has just buried fourth husband, looking for someone to round out a six-unit plot. Dizziness, fainting, shortness of breath not a problem.
=========================
SERENITY NOW:
I am into solitude, long walks, sunrises, the ocean, yoga and meditation. If you are the silent type, let's get together, take our hearing aids out and enjoy quiet times.
====================
WINNING SMILE:
Active grandmother with original teeth seeking a dedicated flosser to share rare steaks, corn on the cob and caramel candy.
==========================
BEATLES OR STONES?
I still like to rock, still like to cruise in my Camaro on Saturday nights and still like to play the guitar.
If you were a groovy chick, or are now a groovy hen, let's get together and listen to my eight-track tapes.
=======================
MEMORIES:
I can usually remember Monday through Thursday.
If you can remember Friday, Saturday and Sunday, let's put our two heads together.
============================
MINT CONDITION:
Male, 1932, high mileage, good condition, some hair, many new parts including hip, knee, cornea, valves. Isn't in running condition, but walks well.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Somebody LUVS me!

Here's a response to my "21 Wise Thoughts" post...awwww, shucks
-----------------------
Thanks "Bing"…those were as awesome as you are!! I can think of at least 21 reasons you are so terrific and not in any particular order!

1) Commitment to Christ
2) Kind
3) Caring
4) Fun
5) Talented
6) Thoughtful
7) Passionate
8) Generous
9) Adventuresome
10) Supportive
11) Dependable
12) Leader
13) Encourager
14) Enthusiastic
15) Compassionate
16) Servant-heart
17) Musical
18) Beautiful
19) Authentic
20) Nurturing
21) Friend…my friend.

I am so blessed to have you in my life.

May your day be as special as you are in every way!!

Hugs and love,
S

21 Wise Thoughts

I got one of those "forward this so you can have good luck" e-mails yesterday. I felt like adding more to it before I sent it out. Lots of people liked it, so here it is....
-----------------------
ONE. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
- and make sure you don't expect anything in return! It truly IS better to give than to receive.

TWO. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
- that's what I call the "80 year rule" - when you are both 80 years old and rocking in your chairs on the front porch, you better like the person for who they are!

THREE. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have or sleep all you want.
- It's also better to want what you have than to have what you want.

FOUR. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
- and say it often. Never leave them guessing!

FIVE. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
- and don't say "I'm sorry, but...." That negates the whole apology!

SIX. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
- My theory: get through at least one holiday season with someone. That's usually when childhood trauma and family dysfunction shows its ugly face.

SEVEN. Believe in love at first sight. but know the difference between love and lust.

EIGHT. Never laugh at anyone's dream. People who don't have dreams don't have much. If you don't know where you want to go in life, how will you get there.

NINE. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
- And when you get hurt, learn from it. (I'm SO much smarter now!)

TEN. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name calling.
- Better yet, try arguing the other person's side. It'll give you a better insight.

ELEVEN. Don't judge people by their relatives.
- Don't judge yourself by your relatives, either.

TWELVE. Talk slowly but think quickly.
- Talk less, think more!

THIRTEEN. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
- and don't let them go until they answer!

FOURTEEN. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
- and both take great work!!

FIFTEEN. Say "bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
- Better yet, say "GOD bless you." When I was married, my husband would say "God bless you" whenever I sneezed. My response was always "He already has." I still believe that.

SIXTEEN. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
- Don't think of it as "losing." Think of it as a learning opportunity.

SEVENTEEN. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; and Responsibility for all your actions.
- and forget these three: Regret, Retaliation and Rage.

EIGHTEEN. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
- Don't let a little dispute become a big one.

NINETEEN. When you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it. and OWN it.

TWENTY. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
- Use your caller ID to use their name when you answer. It makes them laugh, but also make them feel special. Our name is our most valuable asset, and we always smile when we hear someone use it.

TWENTY-ONE. Spend some time alone.
- Spend time doing nothing. Listen to your mind and don't get lost in the "busy-ness" of life!

Husband shopping

A store that sells husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates. You may visit the store ONLY ONCE !

There are six floors and the attributes of the men increase as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch: you may choose any man from a particular floor, or you may choose to go up a floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building!

So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs and love the Lord.
The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, and love kids.
The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, and are extremely good looking.

"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.

She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead good looking and help with the housework.

"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!"

Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love the Lord, love kids, are drop-dead gorgeous, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.

She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor and the sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 4, 363,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. Watch your step as you exit the building, and have a nice day!

----------------------------------
I'd settle for the Bargain Basement, really. Or maybe even Brian.

Monday, October 30, 2006

Poll results: We're going to Vegas AND NYC!

Ok, so it sounds like everybody is ready to get the heck out of here....here are last week's poll results:
------
If Bing were to take me on her next vacation, I would want to go to
New York to catch some shows. 10% 2 votes
Las Vegas to catch some action. 15% 3 votes
BOTH. But not on the same weekend! 75% 15 votes
20 votes total
-------
I can only take the surge in votes the last two weeks to mean one of two things:
1. The Bing Blog is getting more popular
2. You pesky buggers are stuffing the ballot box, so to speak.

Now we just have to figure out WHEN to go! See this week's poll.

St. Louis: The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Three things about St. Louis:

The Good: GO CARDS!

The Bad: The fact that I've never really been there to slide down the Arch.

The Ugly Who the heck is Morgan Quitno Press anyway? Ah, a family of numbers-crunchers creating work for themselves while living in LAWRENCE, KANSAS! I elect that place "Most Boring Place to Live in the WORLD!"
-------------

A few of my favorite people in the whole wide world are from St. Louis, so I know it's gotta be a great place. Mostly.

A Suffering World

This is a book review by Susan Olasky that I found in World Magazine for Why a Suffering World Makes Sense by Chris Tiegreen.

"..Our sufferings, Tiegreen writes, are the canvas upon which God displays His glory. Only in a fallen world among needy, lonely, and sick people like us could God show Himslef to be merciful, comforting, and healing. In our sufferings God displays His character; through our sufferings He makes Himself known to us and prepareds us to reach a suffering world."

I feel so much better about my bad week.

Tropic Hunt Madness

Yesterday was Tropic Hunt 2006. I was torn between two teams, both of which wanted me for my quick wit and brilliant mind...I think. I got there late because I played for all 3 services at church and was just not in "Hunt" mode when I arrived. Both teams did well, solving the 5 puzzles correctly. They even got the phone number to call. It was there that our hopes were dashed, due to Dave Barry's warped mind. Well, that of his team, anyway. He himself said he's not that clever. Still, we had fun. If you haven't done a Hunt, you haven't LIVED!

Saturday, October 28, 2006

LOSER!

Who: ME
What: doing work in my office (school and Ultra-Band-Geek convention planning)
Where: my office at school
When: 9:30 PM on a Saturday night
Why: because I HAVE no other life!

Minty Fresh

No marathon training for me today. My leg is still acting up and it's not been a good week. So I took the school trainer's advice and slathered my leg up with Ben-Gay, wrapped it with an Ace bandage and took some Advil. (Wow - 3 product placements in the same sentence. I should get paid for endorsements.) Anyway, the final take on it is, I feel better and smell minty fresh. Let's hope it continues!

Friday, October 27, 2006

Another short week, another day behind.

This was another 4 day work week. Most people LIKE that. It just puts me that much further behind. Now I get to come in tomorrow (Saturday) and try to play catch-up. It'll be a long day; I'm just leaving school now, since tonight was the first "Stand Around". (The kids like to call it a dance, but really, all they do is stand around. Hence the name, courtesy of Big G.) So I get to go to sleep, TRY and get up at 6:0crap, run 9 miles on a leg that's still giving me fits, do some catch-up work in the yard (since it's the first weekend I've been home in 6 weeks, courtesy of Tia, L.P.O.U., D-Man and mi familia) and THEN - come to the office and try to catch up.

If I ever get completely caught up, it's a sign of the Apocalypse.

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Maybe this will work...

A friend forwarded this to me today. Settle for Brian. Maybe she's trying to tell me something. I'm thinking of setting up my own site. Care to help?

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

And now for something completely different....

In order to encourage more "interaction" (er...posting), I hereby pose a new column, the Question of the Day (from "The book of Questions" by Gregory Stock) Let's get started, shall we? (You may post anonymously if you choose; it makes it that much more fun!)

Today's question is:
If you could take a one-month trip anywhere in the world and money were not a consideration, where would you go and what would you do?

Monday, October 23, 2006

NEW WORDS FOR 2006:

found today, buried in my e-mail in-box
--------------------------

Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace (and elsewhere)!!!

1. BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.

2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything,and then leaves.

3. ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstreamonly to get screwed and die in the end.

5. CUBE FARM : An office filled with cubicles

6. PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.

7. MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.

8. SITCOMs: Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage. What Yuppies get into when they have children and one of them stops working tostay home with the kids.

9. STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and
whiny.

10. SWIPEOUT: An ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.

11. XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's work place.

12. IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that are Annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The J-Lo and Ben wedding (or not) was a prime example - Michael Jackson, another...

13. PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again.

14. ADMINISPHERE: The rarefied organizational layers beginning just abovethe rank and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed
to solve.

15. 404: Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error Message "404 Not Found," meaning that the requested site could not be located.

16. GENERICA: Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, and subdivisions.

17. OHNOSECOND: That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake. (Like after hitting send on an email by mistake)

18. WOOFS: Well-Off Older Folks.

Poll results....

Hmmmm....it seems to me that people are VERY interested in the Bing Blog Poll if there is something in it for THEM! Well, if I have to BUY friends....I'm cool with that.
------------------------
If Bing were to take me on her next vacation, I would want to go to:

Votes
New York to catch some Broadway shows! 32% 6 votes
Colorado to catch some snowboard/ski action! 11% 2 votes
Las Vegas to catch some gambling action! 37% 7 votes
Deluth to catch some Zzzz's! 11% 2 votes
Botswana, so I can say "Been there. Done that!" 11% 2 votes

19 votes total
----------------------------
I'm kind of disappointed that nobody loves me enough to go snowboarding, but that's ok...I'll just go all by my own self.
I think I need to have a run-off between Vegas and New York. Heck, I may even do both!

D's Disney Insanity Tour

How to see all 4 Disney Parks in one day........

1. Animal Kingdom: Ride "Everest"
2. Animal Kingdom: The Lion King Show
3. MGM: Watch the car stunt show
4. EPCOT: lunch in Mexico
5. EPCOT: ride "Soarin"
6. back to MGM: Watch "Fantasmic"
7. Magic Kingdom: Watch the Hallowe'en fireworks
8. Magic Kingdom: Ride "Pirates of the Caribbean" to see the new effects and Jack Sparrow
9. Magic Kingdom: watch the parade

Saturday, October 21, 2006

4 parks in a day!

My goodness! Today was a VERY busy day. FIRST, I'm back in Orlando. V and I came to visit D-Man again. His sister C is in town. Don't tell him, but this weekend is about 75% about her and only 25% about him. ANYWAY, We drove up last night. It took way longer than it should have. We now officially hate Palm Beach County. They don't seem to understand that traffic is NOT supposed to come to a dead stop on the turnpike.

This morning, I got up at 6 and ran 8 miles. C joined me for the last mile, which was good motivation. I've not been able to run for a week because of a calf strain, but we finished. Then we walked about a bajillion miles because we hit ALL 4 Disney parks in one day. I think it's something everyone should try. ONCE.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

On Being a Pumpkin.....

Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see. This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. I liked this enough to share it with all the pumpkins in my patch. Happy Fall!

mmmmm....bacon

Today's amusing e-mail exchange......

-----Original Message-----
From: A D
Sent: Thursday, October 19, 2006 9:11 AM
To: bing
Subject: mmmmm

The junior parents are here for breakfast.
Guess what there is a lot of on the menu.
----------------

My reply:


Baconbaconbacon bacon bacon
Baconbaconbaconbacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon baconbaconbaconbacon
bacon bacon baconbaconbaconbacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon
bacon bacon bacon bacon bacon

Ahhhh, HECK….I gotta get back to work!

Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Kate Monster

So today, I'm listening to Avenue Q. (Again, to share with friends....I'm making a mix tape. It must be love!) I came to the realization that I AM Kate Monster.....

I like romantic things
Like music and art.
And as you know
I have a gigantic heart
So why don't I have
A boyfriend?
F*@%!
It sucks to be me!

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Great Big Band Dork

I'm sitting at my desk, listening to Concert Band Sacred Music. Why, you ask? Because I want to burn a CD and share it with my friends Am I a great big band dork or what?!

Monday, October 16, 2006

My favorite October observance is....

Last week's poll results...only 2 of you out there voted. I broke the tie myself. And one of your votes was for Hallowe'en. How original. The overall participation this week was pretty lame if you ask me! Tia, what do you think we should do to those who don't participate?

Votes
National Kick Butt Day - October 9 0% 0 votes
National Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work (or school) Day - October 11 0% 0 votes
International Moment of Frustration Scream Day - October 12 67% 2 votes
Evaluate Your Life Day - October 19 0% 0 votes
Hallowe'en - October 31 33% 1 vote

3 votes total

Friday, October 13, 2006

Things that make you go "hmmmm....."

You can hate the truth and you can talk about it and resist it until you're blue in the face. You can complain and look for sympathy, stomp your feet, feel like a victim, and spend the rest of your life feeling sad, depressed, angry and resentful. But none of this is going to change anything.

Being aware of the difference between what we can control and what we can't is critical for day-to-day happiness. There is no point in banging our head against a wall.

It's a subtle shift in your thinking to be able to recognize when you're fighting reality, and the fact is most of us do it a great deal of the time. But if you can make that slight change in your awareness, you will save yourself a great deal of agony and empower yourself and your decisions like never before.

From Easier Than You Think by Richard Carlson.

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Brunch for Lunch

Today we get out of school at 1 PM because of our Admissions Open House. Since the first lunch period starts at 9:30 AM and the last one gets over at 11 AM, we are having "Brunch for Lunch." Do you know what that means?

BACONBACONBACONBACONBACONBACONBACON!

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Flying Solo

I just upgraded my (Insert Airline name here) credit card to Platinum. Besides getting extra miles and a few other perks, I also got a FREE Companion Certificate. That means that if I buy a ticket to anywhere in the continental US, I can take a friend along. I have to use it before June 30th, though. So I guess my question is: where do I want to go and who wants to go with me?!

Maybe that'll be next week's poll......

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Cat Bowling

Just for fun, here's something to pass the time...Cat Bowling.

You can post your high score here!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Happy "Kick Butt" Day!

Today is Columbus Day, but we don't have it off. We had Yom Kippur off last week, though, so I guess it all works out. Since I'm not really partial to either, this week's poll is concerning which October holiday deserves a day off. Special thanks to www.brownielocks.com for the information!

Remember, vote soon and vote often!

Saturday, October 07, 2006

Putting the "FUN" in dysfunction

I'm in Illinois. My brother is getting married today. The family has been running around like mad for the last two days getting ready. Last minute shopping, hair and nail appointments, rehearsal and dinner and the ever-present family dramas. I'm exhausted just thinking about it, but I have to laugh. I just keep telling them to let me know where I have to be when, and I'll stay out of the way. I know this is hard to grasp, but believe me when I tell you this: I'M the calm, quiet one in this bunch!

Scary thought.....

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Gay Sex, part two

Today was time for another haircut. Gotta look good for my brother's wedding this weekend, especially next to the ultra-thin, beautiful sisters. (One could pass for Drew Barrymore, the other Celine Dion.) So it was back to my wonderful former neighbor but still wonderful hairdresser A. As usual, the conversation wandered through various topics, but all the while spiraling down to sex. He brought up the fact that his 14 year old son is sleeping much more often, enjoying his dreams very much and even doing his own laundry in the mornings. Hmmmm...wonder what that's all about?

Anyway, the last time I saw A, we went for drinks at Martini Bar and had a little "incident." (See Gay Sex in the Bathroom) Seems he went BACK to Martini Bar last week and the bartender that had started the whole affair (ha ha) has never apologized for the whole thing. So A got another round of free drinks and free appetizers. It's the gift that keeps on giving!

He said next time, he's going to try that same stunt at DisneyWorld and get the whole family in for free.

Poll results: Sugar Rush

Here are the results of last week's poll......
-----------------------
The most righteous source of a supreme sugar rush is:

Pez - a candy treat in a toy that's neat! 20% 1 vote
Pixy Stix - pure powder, ingested not inhaled 0%
Reese's cups - you got peanut butter in my chocolate 60% 3 votes
Necco wafers - you can break the wafers and play church 0%
Peanut M&m's - melts in your mouth, not in your hand. 20% 1 vote

5 votes total
----------------------

In honor of the Jewish Holiday, Yom Kippur and not having school yesterday, this week's poll has to do with having a day off.

Vote soon, vote often and keep those comments coming!

Tuesday/Mondays

I HATE Tuesday/Mondays! I love them on Mondays, but I hate them on Tuesdays. Perhaps I should explain....

We didn't have school yesterday (Monday) due to Yom Kippur - Shalom, everyone! So even though today was TUESDAY, it operated like a Monday, only worse. I usually have to re-train my little middle school darlings on behavioral issues on Mondays since they have been out of "school mode" for 2 days. It gets exponentially worse after a 3 day weekend. Plus they didn't practice much over the weekend, so musically, we had an "interesting" day as well. Add to the fact that I know have to get through Monday AND Tuesday's "To Do" list in one day....I almost wish I'd been at work yesterday.

I say ALMOST because I had a blast with D-Man and Leopard Princess all weekend and really didn't want to leave yesterday. Can't wait to do it again!

Sunday, October 01, 2006

On the Road Again

I'm back in Orlando with the D-Man. This time I had to (volunteered) to help my friend the Leopard Princess get her artwork up to D's church. She painted during communion today for all 3 services. It was amazing to watch and everyone loved it. The funnest part was trying to get all of her supplies up - to make a REALLY long story short: Ricky loaned his van, I drove it up and LP flew First Class (well, ok, First Row...it WAS Southwest Airlines.) D and I played "Secret Service" all weekend. "I've got the football" was our favorite line.

Not to feel left out, I also participated in the service in an artistic fashion: I bought crayons and a coloring book and colored a picture for both of them. Then we had lunch at our favorite place in the world, Yellow Dog Eats. We drew on the walls again and ate yummy sandwiches. I almost feel like a regular, but I told David that he's on his own next week; I have to go to Chicago for my brother's wedding.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Studio 54

We have a new building opening up soon at school. Subsequently, they've been testing the fire alarm almost daily for two weeks. Flashing lights, sirens and the ever-annoying precorded Slim Shady-esque announcement "Can I have your attention, please? There has been a fire reported on your floor...." We've been told to ignore them. Meanwhile, I'm ready to have a seizure due to the flashing lights. But today, I discovered that if you go into the bathroom and turn out the lights, it's like Studio 54 in the 70's, minus the coke. At least I think it is. I was but a child back then.

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Favorite Posts

So there is a new sidebar entitled "Top 5 Posts" and yes, I realize there are more than 5 posts listed there. It is my feeble attempt at 2 things.

1. It has come to my attention that I have a few new readers. This is a way for you to scroll through the highlights, although EVERY post is "reader worthy."

2. This gives everyone a chance to weigh in on their favorite post. Interaction makes for a successful blog. And some of you have been very lazy in the "posting comments" department.

So make your choice here, and I'll leave the top 5 by the end of the week. Toodles!

Big Fat Weenie Meanies

Some people just seem to go out of their way to be cruel to people and say things that aren't true but hurt their feelings anyway. I just found out that some people I care about have been subjected to this very behavior. The sad part is that it's coming from someone who should KNOW better, someone who's JOB it is to build people up, not tear them down. My instinct is to stomp on their face, but God's tellling me that I shouldn't. I just need to wait it out, pray about it and see if there is another way I can approach the Big Fat Weenie in a more Matthew 18 sort of way.

If THAT doesn't work, I'll stomp on his face!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Black dye and digestion

FYI - there is a LOT of black dye in licorice. It doesn't digest very well. Don't ask how I know that. I just do.

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Favorite Subject poll results

I have to say, the voting in the latest poll was a bit biased, as I posted a link to the "Note from a Parent" entry on one of my band geek chat groups page. There were more band directors voting this week than I usually get TOTAL voting viewers in any week.
-----------
The results: What was your favorite subject in school?"
Band 65% 11 votes
lunch 18% 3 votes
PE 0% 0 votes
any one that started AFTER 1 PM 12% 2 votes
any one where the teacher let me sleep 6% 1 vote (Dudeface, perhaps?)

17 votes total
-------------

In honor of the road trip sugar rush, we are paying homage to candy in this week's poll. Remember - vote early and often!

Road Trips and Sugar Rushes

Tia and I are in Orlando, waiting for the new "Genesis" service at First Pres, which D-Man is launching. It's been a fun road trip so far and I'm sorry we have to leave today; it was a nice mini-vacation. I do have to warn you, though, of the effects of half a bag of black licorice on one's blood sugar. As Tia and D-Man will testify through observation of my ingestion of said substance, the highs are incredibly high but the crash is highly amusing. They said my eyes were quite glassy and unfocused. I do remember the productivity of the sugar rush, however, as I attempted to play electronic "Catch Phrase" without batteries while on the drive up. Other than the fact that every clue began with "OK - this is by the side of the road....", I think it was a great game. Tia got EVERY clue!

Friday, September 22, 2006

It's the WEEKEND!

YEA! It's FRIDAY! I had an awesome day at work, maybe because V and I are going to ORLANDO tonight. No, we're not going to visit the rat that lives in his own fantasy world. We're going to visit one of our bestest, bestest friends, the D man. WHEEEE! Hope your weekend goes as well!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Great Gate!

Last night at community band rehearsal, the saxes were SO out of tune that instead of hearing "Great Gate of Kiev," I was thinking it sounded more like "Great Gate of Kielbasa." EWWWWWWWW!

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

I'm SO behind!

So it seems like I can't catch up. I'm at school until 7ish every night working on outside projects and then I'm out until 10 PM or later Monday - Thursday every week with small groups or rehearsals. It's going to be a long year if something doesn't give way soon! Luckily, I see the light at the end of the tunnel for a few projects and I'm heading to Orlando this weekend! (V and D - PLEASE don't be offended if I sleep. A LOT!)

On a lighter note: Yesterday, I thought my running schedule was supposed to bump up to 7/1 X 8 (7 minutes running, 1 walking, 8 times). I managed to hit 6 sets, but 7 and 8 gave me some fits, mostly due to a blister that's started up on the ARCH of my right foot (of all places). I was feeling a bit disappointed until I got home and re-read my schedule. I was supposed to do 7/2 (that extra minute of recovery would have been nice) and only 6 sets. So I actually kicked my own butt. And it's a little sore today.

Needed: Poll topic for the week. I'm too tired to think! Please respond!

New Musical Terms

NEW MUSICAL TERMS (by Tom Hurd on piano-teachers@yahoo.com)

In order to keep you abreast of the ever-developing world of musical terminology, we provide herewith the latest additions to the esteemed Harvard Dictionary of Music:

ALLREGRETTO - When you're 16 measures into the piece and realize you took too fast a tempo
ANGUS DEI - To play with a divinely beefy tone
A PATELLA - Accompanied by knee-slapping
APPOLOGGIATURA - A composition that you regret playing
APPROXIMATURA - A series of notes not intended by the composer, yet played with an "I meant to do that" attitude
APPROXIMENTO - A musical entrance that is somewhere in the vicinity of the correct pitch
CACOPHANY - A composition incorporating many people with chest colds
CORAL SYMPHONY - A large, multi-movement work from Beethoven's Caribbean Period
DILL PICCOLINI - An exceedingly small wind instrument that plays only sour notes
FERMANTRA - A note held over and over and over and over and . . .
FERMOOTA - A note of dubious value held for indefinite length
FIDDLER CRABS - Grumpy string players
FLUTE FLIES - Those tiny mosquitos that bother musicians on outdoor gigs
FRUGALHORN - A sensible and inexpensive brass instrument
GAUL BLATTER - A French horn player
GREGORIAN CHAMP - The title bestowed upon the monk who can hold a note the longest
GROUND HOG - Someone who takes control of the repeated bass line and won't let anyone else play it
PLACEBO DOMINGO - A faux tenor
SCHMALZANDO - A sudden burst of music from the Guy Lombardo band
THE RIGHT OF STRINGS - Manifesto of the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Violists
SPRITZICATO - An indication to string instruments to produce a bright and bubbly sound
TEMPO TANTRUM - What an elementary school orchestra is having when it's not following the conductor
TROUBLE CLEF - Any clef one can't read: e.g., alto clef for pianists
VESUVIOSO - An indication to build up to a fiery conclusion
VIBRATTO - Child prodigy son of the concertmaster

Thursday, September 14, 2006

He was a ROOSTER!

an exchange with a student today:

student: What was the name of the chicken on Bugs Bunny?
me: Foghorn Leghorn. Oops! Other students just heard that; should I write myself up for an honor code violation?
student: No, nobody heard you.
me: Why do you want to know?
student: It was extra credit on a social studies test today. I didn't know it.
me: Well, technicaly he was a rooster, so I think you should file a protest.

I LOVE my job!

I'm a bad mommy!

My almost-15 year old terrier (Peanut) ran out of canned dog food yesterday morning. She always has dry food in her bowl, but since she's missing half of her jaw, she has an easier time with canned. I knew we were running low but hadn't had time to get to the store. I even put the empty carton in the car to remind me, but I've been out until 11 PM every night this week for rehearsals, meetings, etc. So yesterday, my dog got "Fortune Snookies" dog treats for breakfast. Is that the same as giving your children chocolate cake for breakfast? I'm SUCH a bad mommy!

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Kids and Cartoons

In Homeroom today, the kids were studying for a science test on ameobas. We decided it might be interesting to write a cartoon show called "Ameoba High", following these little organisms through their lives in school. The screen would not be letter-box like a movie, but would have eye holes like a microscope. The only problems that they saw were that a) some reproduce so fast that the scenes would start off fine, but by the end, there would be so many of them that you couldn't see what was happening and b) the cafeteria scene would be a little awkward, since some organisms feed off of each other. Of course, the boys were trying to find ways to make the whole thing PG-13 or R.

Isn't middle school GREAT!

Monday, September 11, 2006

Cereal poll results

Some of you have requested that I post the results of the previous week's poll. While I'm not one to succumb to peer pressure, I AM one to further my own blog cause.
---------------------------
Poll for last week:
Name your favorite breakfast cereal.

Votes
Lucky Charms: They're magically delicious! 29% 2 votes
Honey Nut Cheerios: A Honey of an O. 43% 3 votes
CocoPuffs: I'm koo-koo for CocoPuffs. 0% 0
Froot Loops: Follow Your Nose 0% 0 votes
Frosted Flakes: They're GRRRRR-EAT! 29% 2 votes

7 votes total
---------------------------
Poll analysis: You are all a bunch of sugar-crazed freaks who have just enough free time to waste entertaining my every whim. God bless you all!

And for those losers who don't vote: What's wrong in your world?

Note from a parent

This is word-for-word what a Beginning Band parent wrote on her son's practice chart this week:

"Diego and I discussed the method he should use to complete the "Progress Assessment" and agreed that he needs to document problems while he practices and not just at the end of the session. Seems to be enjoying the process. And, our dog was less frightened by the sax this week! Many thanks!!:"

Sax book: $7
Instrument: $500
Reaction of the dog: PRICELESS

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Biblical Horror Movies

Biblical Horror Movies.

BY JONATHAN SHIPLEY

- - - -

The Garden of Bleedin'

The Ark of the Coven

40 Days and 40 Frights

The Bloodthirsty Apostle

Slain and Able

Give Us This Day Our Daily Dead

Gold, Frankincense, and Murder

Lazarus Returns, With a Vengeance

The Kingdom and the Power and the Gory, Forever

The Dead Sea

Thou Shalt Murder

I Know What You Did Last Supper

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

My life as a movie

Saw Little Miss Sunshine last week with friends, but it hit a little close to home.
1. My sister did the pageant scene when she was younger.
2. I have a family member of questionable sexual orientation (but WE'RE not allowed to talk about it)
3. My family left me behind. Twice. Once when I was 8, at McDonald's. Once when I was 14, and on crutches. True story.

Still, it's a great story. Go see it. NOW!

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Life is good!

So we're all here, hanging out at The Cereal Bowl. We each had a bowl: I got the "Mama Knows More" (as opposed to "Father Knows Best") oatmeal with apple pie filling, brown sugar, cinnamon and graham cracker bits. It was yummy. Now we're playing Flux and watching the MTV awards. Life is good and it's also a cereal on the menu!

Love, peace and little tiny marshmellows!

Friday, September 01, 2006

On behalf of Sonic....we thank McD's

McDonald's Succumbs to Hedgehogs' Needs
Friday, September 01, 2006

LONDON — Fast food just became hedgehog-friendly. McDonald's Corp. said Friday it had redesigned the cups for its McFlurry dessert so that they no longer posed a danger to the spiky woodland creatures.

The British Hedgehog Preservation Society has campaigned for years against the containers, saying hedgehogs had died while trying to eat leftover ice cream from discarded cups. Campaigners said the opening in the lid was large enough for hedgehogs to stick their heads in, but not to get them out again, and that animals not rescued by passers-by had died of starvation.

McDonald's U.K. said that after "significant research and testing," it designed a McFlurry cup with a smaller opening. McDonald's began deliveries of the new lids to restaurants in Britain last week.

"The smaller aperture of the lid has been designed to prevent hedgehogs from entering the McFlurry container in the unfortunate incidence that a lid is littered and is then accessible to wildlife," the company said in a statement.

Fay Vass, chief executive of the British Hedgehog Preservation Society, said the change was "excellent, if long overdue news."

She said the new cups meant "many hedgehog lives will be saved."

The Lord is My Shepherd

A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible; Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the verse.

Little Rick was excited about the task -- but, he just couldn't remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line. On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Rickey was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, "The Lord is my Shepherd, and that's all I need to know."

AMEN!

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Back to School/Meet the Parents

Tonight is "Back to School" night. I get to meet all of the creators of the darling students that I see every day. I hate talking in front of the parents, but you have to, for 10 minutes per class. If you don't fill the 10 minutes, they ask questions. Sometimes, they come in with a chip on their shoulder, and then the questions can become a little nasty. So instead, you talk for 10 minutes straight. Blah, blah, blah....the truth is that everything is on our website, so if you can read, please do so!

My favorite thing to tell the beginning parents is "PLEASE don't react negatively when you hear them practice their first notes so enthusiastically. My family complained the first time I brought my horn home, and I never brought it home again." Plus I remind them that they only have ONE beginner to listen to; I have a whole class full!

Of course, they are all a little on edge, because the kids learned their first note on Monday, and we were off Tuesday and Wednesday because of Ernesto. I also requested that the kids NOT leave their instruments here during the storm in case of damage to the room. Needless to say, the kids ALL practiced hard for two days. On that first note. And a few that haven't learned yet. And even a few that don't exist!

Monday, August 28, 2006

And so it begins....

Once again, we started school WAY before Labor Day. And once again, we are closing school for a hurricane before Labor Day. Again, I ask: Why don't we just start school AFTER Labor Day? We'll still be in hurricane season, but at least we'll have a fighting chance at not having to make up days lost for a storm.

And another thing: Could we have some storm names that could actually incite fear and trepidation, please? My cat's name is Earnest, so when I hear about Hurricane Ernesto, I think of something chasing leaves around the yard, ignoring me when I call and batting at my eyes when I'm sleeping. Not so much scary, but annoying.

Anyway, be safe out there.

Friday, August 25, 2006

My morning prayer

Dear Lord,

So far today, I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, lost my temper, been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish or self-indulgent. I have not whined, complained, cursed nor eaten any chocolate. I have charged nothing on my credit card.

BUT I will be getting out of bed in a minute and I think that I will really need your help then.

AMEN!

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Animal suicide

I saved a cat from killing himself ( or herself; I didn't get a good look) today. While I was waiting at a light this morning, I saw this poor animal limp under the car in front of me. It didn't come out the other side. When I looked carefully, it was lying under the car, waiting for death. I parked the car (much to the dismay of the drivers behind me) and when the car in front moved, the cat was still there. I tried to pick it up, but it hissed at me and ran off. I'm sure it is not much longer for this world, as it looked to be in bad shape. Still, I couldn't stand to see it get run over, so I "talked it down." I feel so much better.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

Did you hear ...

the one about the guy who was caught boarding a plane with a "suspicious" device in his bag. Seems he was traveling with his mother and didn't want her to know he was carrying his penis pump with him. So he told the security screeners it was a bomb and now faces up to 3 years in prison.

Wouldn't Viagra be a better option? In any case, he needs to know not to eat the Honey Buns in prison.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Run, Bing, Run!

So I've done it. I registered yesterday for the Miami ING Half Marathon. This lazy freak who would rather sleep late and eat sugar more than ANYTHING is going to be running 13.2 miles in January. What the HECK was I thinking? In any case, I'll be needing your support and LOTS of prayers.

Monday, August 21, 2006

The Game of Life

In honor of another successful game night, that is the theme of this week's poll. Vote early, vote often, but most importantly, let your dead relatives vote because that's what we do in Miami.

Oh, and post your opinion here.....

match.com

Have you ever heard the one about the two single people on match.com? It goes something like this:

He: I liked your profile. Here are some questions I'd like you to answer to see if we match.
She: Great! Here are my answers. Now here are my questions to you.
He: Wonderful! You sound like a good match. Let's meet for coffee. Can you send me a picture so I know what you look like?
She: I'll meet you at noon on Sunday at Starbucks. Here are a few pictures.

He: (at 11:30 on Sunday, via voicemail) Sorry I can't make it. Something suddenly came up. My elderly mother fell and had to go to the hospital and I have a relative flying in from out of town.

You haven't heard that one? Well, I did. Yesterday.

Friday, August 18, 2006

YAWN!!!

You know how sometimes you're just too tired to think straight, and you have a kazillion things to do, so you keep jumping from one thing to another, answering an e-mail then returning a phone call, then working on a project, then jumping back to your e-mail, then thinking of another cool project, then answering another e-mail? That's how my afternoon has been. The Christian Freaks left this morning and I'm sad. We were up until 12:30 AM talking, and then I had to drive them to the airport at 5 AM. Then I came straight to school and I'm just getting ready to leave now. That makes a 15 hour day. But if you consider I left school every day right after classes to go home and visit with them, I put in all of my planning hours in one big stretch today. Plus my desk is CLEAN! That feels good.

I'm still tired. I hate those freaks!

Thursday, August 17, 2006

Double Blog Dare

I usually try to keep the posts to one-a-day, one topic only. I don't think anyone REALLY wants to hear the dribble that goes on in my mind. Today, I'll make an exception.

Blog topic #1 - Aqua Cinema: quite possibly the coolest thing I've ever hosted. "Jaws" on the big screen (even bigger than V's or Wide Daddy Dave's, but alas, not HD) was awesome, especially when my bobbing dolphin floaty drifted across the pool in front of the projector during the opening scene. The shadow dolphin effect was quite convincing.

Blog topic #2 - Classroom Antics: too funny not to share. I was discussing opera with my 6th grade general music class. The terms kept flying: lyric opera, grand opera, comic opera, etc. One student said when he thinks of opera, he thinks of fat ladies in Viking hats. Another kid looked perplexed and said "Who's Opera Winfrey?" He was serious.

It's going to be a GREAT year!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Aqua Cinema

Well, the first-ever "Aqua Cinema" was a rain-out. "Aqua Cinema" is an event where we float in my pool and watch a water-themed movie. The first one was to be "Jaws" last night, but it rained. When the lightening first started flashing, I looked up at the heavens and pleaded (out loud) to God, "Awwww....COME ON!" I got whinier as the lightening got closer and pretty soon, everyone ran into the house because they thought God might strike me down for being such a brat.

We went inside and played more "Catch Phrase" (see Game night) It was very funny until M got the word "hat check girl" at which point, those of us at the original Game Night collapsed into fits of uncontrollable laughter. We never quite recovered from that.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Calling God's Bluff

My Christian Freaks arrived from Chicago late last night. They told me the flight was not great; the air kept going off, they were next to a restroom so it smelled, and M couldn't put her tray down because there's a baby in the way. That was her fun way of telling me they are pregnant. HOW COOL! They are due April Fool's Day. HOW APPROPRIATE!

For 14 years, they've said they don't want kids. A few months back, they decided they wanted to adopt in a few years. M started thinking (ALWAYS a dangerous thing) that maybe she wasn't really listening to God and she was trying to do things her own way instead of His. So in typical Christian Freak fashion, she said she called God's bluff. AND as always, He wins. The story they tell is that when R found out, he started screaming and wagging his finger at her.

"You can't call God's bluff. You can't call God's bluff. You can't call God's bluff."

I'm throwing my chips in tomorrow.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Polls and posts

This week's poll came to me while I was in church yesterday. Be sure to vote, and better yet, post your reasoning behind your vote here. Since so many of you are musicians, this could be a lively discussion. Even better, you can subscribe to this blog (look over there <----- under my profile where it says "Subscribe to this blog.")

I think Jesus would play bass because most bass players I know are the strong, silent type. They provide a good foundation for everyone else to build on, and they don't often get to have the showy solos. When they do, it blows your mind. Plus Jesus was used to walking, so playing a bass line would be second nature. Of course, Jesus could play ANYTHING like it was second nature.

I'll ask Him about that when I see Him.

School Zone: Drive Slowly

Get those pencils sharpened, kiddies. School is back in session. I'm SO ready. The last three weeks with nothing in particular to do got to be a bit much and my ritalin supply was low. The best part is catching up with friends and seeing how much the students grew over the summer. Today I got to see my returning 8th graders, which was VERY fun. They were extremely rowdy, but we only had a 10 minute orientation so I let it pass. They were just excited to see each other again. The faculty was just as bad at the opening meetings last weekend. Everyone will settle into a routine by next week.

I don't plan on reporting EVERY last thing that happens with my darling cherubs, but there was one "blog worthy" moment today. As the 7th grade Dean, I deal with discipline issues. To avoid embarrasing students too much, when I call them by name in assembly because I need to speak to them, I just say "Please meet me by the piano in the lobby for lessons." Today in class, I asked the students to write if they were taking piano lessons and if so, for how long. They busted out laughing. It took me a second, but when I realized what they were thinking, I had to crack up as well.

Ok, so I guess you had to be there.

Friday, August 11, 2006

A winner of a day...

The day after I posted my whiny "Me, me, me" comment, here was my day:
1. We got 4 inches of rain in about 2 hours.
2. My classroom sprung 2 leaks.
3. My dog's fleas and ticks re-appeared.
4. After bathing the dog, she then had an "accident" in the bathroom while I was in the shower.
5. My robe fell to the floor, where my dog's little gift was left.
6. When I moved the bathroom rugs to the laundry room, I discovered that I have a big leak at home as well.
7. The cat threw up in the dining room.
8. The frogs had sex in the pool again.
9. I had to laugh, because I knew God was laughing, too.

Holy Spirit, Rain Down, but please - can I have an umbrella?

Thursday, August 10, 2006

When worlds collide

I just got a call from my Christian Freak friends (see Christian Freaks or Freakin Christian) It seems they are attending the Willow Creek Leadership Conference this weekend. They said "We're sitting in front of some people from Miami." Come to find out, they are sitting in front of the Senior and Associate Pastors from MY church. It's interesting how that works. I've told both sides many stories about the other, but never in a million years thought they would MEET each other, especially without me present. Yikes! I hope they aren't talking about me and what a wacko I am......

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Blessed to be a Blessing

So my struggle for the day (week, month, year, lifetime) seems to be a little bit of frustration and wonder. I've had so many people that I've been praying for and helping out. I've provided money, food, shelter, a shoulder to cry on, a word of encouragement and even a few random acts of kindness along the way. Now I'm seeing the blessings pour down as friends find work, worth and their way in this world. I'm grateful to know a God who can answer the cries in the darkness. But I can't help but wonder if it's wrong to ask "When is it going to be MY turn?"

Monday, August 07, 2006

You live a sheltered life

V sent me an awesome link today. It's Hoops and YoYo's Blog.I love them. I love them a lot. If you've never heard of them, you live a very sheltered life.

Sunday, August 06, 2006

It seemed like a good idea at the time....

So when I was out to lunch (literally, not figuratively) with friends last week, we got on the topic of the "All-You-Can-Eat" buffet. I pointed out that in truth, they are "All-You-Can-Eat-Right-Now" buffets, and that if you tried to sit there for too long, I'm certain that some big burly doormen would ask you to kindly stop eating and leave. Which brings me to my latest venture, the TRUE "All-You-Can-Eat" club. You would pay a set amount for a monthly or yearly membership and by showing your card, you could eat whenever you want.

Now normally, when I present one of my little "get-rich-quick" schemes to people, they simply chuckle and back away slowly, not breaking eye contact so as to make their escape. Not so this time. My dear demented friends helped with planning, marketing and development ideas, such as "Do you have customers sign up for dining times and do you charge more for premium times. Do you have a breakfast, lunch or dinner plan as well as the 'Mother Load' meal plan? What if you had 'theme' nights with an international flair?" The conversation became heated and twisted.

God, I LOVE my friends.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Gay sex in the bathroom

I KNEW that headline would get your attention. So this little blog was just a way for my out-of-touch friends to understand a little more about me and this crazy life I live in Miami. So here's how my day went:

1. Went to school to get a little work done, even though I don't have to start until next Thursday. Why go if you aren't getting paid, you ask? Well, it's hot and they have free air conditioning. And Internet. AND I was bored. 'Nuff said?

2. Met some friends for lunch at Beverly Hills Cafe (YUM), except I had already eaten lunch. But BHC has free air conditioning. And I wanted to see my friends. AND I was bored. (do you see a theme?) When I got there, they were just about to order dessert. Those who know me know that I'm ALL about dessert. The best part? The waiter threw in dessert for free (because my friends are so awesome).

3. Since BHC is right around the corner from my hair salon, I stopped in to visit A, my hairdresser and flambouyantly homosexual former neighbor, whom I LOVE because a) he makes me laugh and b) he makes me look better. Notice I didn't say good, or great. Just better. I wanted to make an appointment, but he was just finishing his last appointment for the day, so I stayed and got my "new school year's starting" color/cut. He did a fabulous job, as always.

4. Of course, A then insisted that it was my obligation to take him to Martini Bar for drinks, which I did. Happy Hour, 2 for 1 and all; he with Lemon Drops, me with Mojitos. Then something really weird, but amusing and somewhat profitable happened. He went to the restroom and saw one of the busboys, who is also a client of his at the salon. He was trying to convince the poor kid that he should spike his hair or something like that, and they were in the handicapped stall looking in the mirror, playing with his hair up and then down, and then up again. Some guy came in and saw them and went back out and complained to the manager that there was some gay sexual activity going on in the restroom. To make a LONG story short, our entire bar tab was paid for by the bar manager and we joked about the whole thing all night. We did tip the waitress heavily, though.

There you have it; my fun-filled day in a nutshell. And it hardly cost me a thing. Now you see why I'm SO ready for school to start!

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

It's never boring!

Life in South Florida is unlike anywhere else. Tuesday, I was driving down Calle Ocho (that's 8th Street, for all you gringos) and noticed that there was a CONSIDERABLE buzz outside of Versailles, which is a popular Cuban restaurant. The police were out, the protestors were out and of course, the live video feed news trucks were out. I guessed that something must be going on. Then I got to Home Depot (which is reported to be THE busiest one in the country) and it was EMPTY. Now I KNEW that something was going on. But, since I have NO TV and no Internet at home, I forgot all about it.

Later that day, I saw the headline. Remember the old picture of the "Dewey beats Truman" headline? Remember how big the font was on that infamous headline? You know how in newspaper terms, they always say to put the most important news ABOVE the fold of the front page? Well, they did. In the BIGGEST font size possible, just so you wouldn't miss it. In ALL CAPITAL LETTERS, like they were shouting at you, in case you couldn't read. Like we always talk louder to people who don't speak English, like it will help.

"CASTRO CEDES POWER"

Funny thing is, we may have a visit from Tropical Storm, er perhaps Hurricane, Chris this weekend. That was buried somewhere around page 12. I think I'll go stock up on supplies now, while the stores are empty. Everyone else is at Versailles, hoping Fidel dies.

Viva Cuba Libre!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Got a Secret?

So I just finished reading this British chick lit book (a: it's SUMMER; b: I'm a chick; so there!) called "Can You Keep a Secret" by Sophie Kinsella. Very fun, but it got me to thinking: We ALL have secrets that we can't tell ANYONE, even our closest friends. Sure, there are some that we can tell certain friends and SWEAR them to secrecy, but there are the I-would-want-to-die-if-anyone-found-this-out secrets that we carry around with us forever. (Uhhh....see the first comment from "What's Up With That?) As I see it, you have 3 options:
1. Keep it hidden and deal with it, ulcers and all.
2. Post it anonymously here.
3. Send it here, which is actually a very interesting site.

Monday, July 31, 2006

My kid can beat up your kid....

So yesterday at church, our youth pastor did an awesome job. I may try to put the pod cast link up later. In any case, he had arranged for Compassion International to send us ALL the kids they needed sponsors for from an area of Indonesia. His goal was to get 100 kids sponsored; we responded by sponsoring 400. My faith is restored. There ARE people in the world who think of others. But here's a funny thing...I went for a cook-out at my pastor's house last night. I saw his "Compassion" kid's profile page on the table and then I started telling him about mine. His response? "My 'Compassion' kid can beat up YOUR 'Compassion' kid!" THAT'S why I love him!

Oh, and someone wanted me to post cook-out etiquette about dominating conversations here. Which I find very rude and annoying. The constant talking, not the request to post about it. But I think it would be mean to bring it up. So I'm going to leave it alone. Sort of.

Sunday, July 30, 2006

An elephant walks into a bar.....

Just got this joke from a gypsy musician friend of mine. It's too funny not to pass on....

An elephant goes into a high-class restaurant and sits at the piano
bar, where a pianist is playing some cool, up-tempo jazz.The pianist
switches to a long and soulful blues ballad, and when he finishes, the
pianist notices that the elephant is all teary-eyed over his drink.He
says to the elephant, "Wow, man - I didn't think you would be that
affected by my playing...""No, no it isn't that," said the elephant,
sobbing. "I just recognized some of the keys."

Friday, July 28, 2006

Thursday, July 27, 2006

What's up with THAT?

Ok, so I was on the phone with a friend of mine last night. We hadn't talked in WAY too long, so it was one of those 3 hour marathons. She was having some relationship issues (those of you who know me know I have NO relationships, therefore no issues!) and I was trying to help her sort through it all. For her sake, we'd like to set all of the men in the world straight on a few things. I'm hoping that all of my male readers will weigh in on this one. (YOU know who you are, but have you got the guts?!!)

First, if you are consistently spending large amounts of time with a woman, either on-line, on the phone or in person, in her mind YOU ARE DATING. At that point, it doesn't really matter what you think. She's put you in her daily/weekly agenda IN PEN and you are considered a jerk if you change the rules without actually telling her. You're a double dog jerk if sex has been involved in any way, shape, form or discussion.

Second, if you are dating a woman, you MUST speak to them either in person or if you are a faint hearted wimp, on the phone and you must (I repeat MUST) say these exact words: I don't want to date you anymore. Anything you say before or after will not be heard anyway, so the "It's not you; it's me" crap - save it. Likewise the "I still want to be friends" thing; at this point it's not about you anymore, anyway, so take a flying leap.

Lastly, if you say "I'll call you later," we need you to be a little more specific. Does that mean "later in the day, before you go to bed?" Does that mean "later in the week, so that we can clean up our date plans for the weekend?" Or does it really mean "later in my life, when I'm really bored/horny/lonely and remember that you exist?" It would make life SO much easier for us if you could be a little more specific.

And that, my friends, is all she wrote!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Time Warp

Don't you just wish sometimes that you could jet 5, 10 or even 20 years into the future just to see if anything more exciting is going to happen to you that what's going on right now? I'm SO tired of the "same old, same old." At least if I had a HINT that something was going to change, I wouldn't be so frustrated and bored right now. UGH!!!!

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Amphibious creatures

Yesterday as I was walking along, these tiny baby lizards get crossing my path. They were very cute and then it struck me: They were all running in the same direction. They were all crossing the sidewalk from the street side to the bushes. I wonder why. Was it because it was "lizard dinner time" and their mommies were calling them in? Was it past "lizard bed time?" Were they all running scared for home as the big, giant person came pounding by? Or were they playing a "little lizard" version of chicken, where they dared each other to run by as close to me as possible? The scarier thought is, why do I care?

I warned you that my mind is a scary place. On that note, I need to go tend to the tadpoles in my pool!